Andrew goes off on the Rob Zombie Halloween film!Dude…..WTF?
We’ve all heard journalists claim “what’s the big deal with these superhero movies? It’s all the same thing” and come close to throwing our heads into brick walls because of it.
Well, this writer is going to give you one of those articles, but not about our beloved comic book films. No, instead this time, I’m going after the franchise we all love deep down during October. Some of us at times during the rest of the year. Yes my friends, the horror genre. A genre subjected to the same thing as comic books; reboots, endless franchises and people who take too many liberties with our beloved characters.
Today, I’m taking aim at the reboots and re-do’s of the horror genre. Mainly, my beef is with Rob Zombie. Congratulations sir, you have successfully stripped away everything that was cool and original about Michael Myers. And not only that, you’ve made a mockery of him as well. With his “restart” of the Halloween franchise Rob Zombie turned Michael Myers into…..wait for it….wait for it….Jason Vorhees. That’s right, Rob Zombie cannot grasp the concept of different holidays. Instead of the silent predator, stalking his victims, walking slowly and confidently after them in ways that would creep the shit out of the biggest macho man on the block, we get a thundering oaf of a character
bursting through walls and breaking shit left and right to kill his prey. No subtlety necessary apparently. And as if it wasn’t bad enough, then you stick him in the clown costume being all emo outside his house listening to “love hurts” because his mom wouldn’t take him trick or treating. Then we have quick little cuts here and there, no real use of camera aside from setting it down on the tripod and switching out the lense. No good steady cam work, no creepy build up. Just wham, bam, rack up the bodies. I’m sorry my friend, that’s not Michael Myers. That’s like making Batman being able to fly. You just don’t do it. As if that did not suck enough, now you’ve gone and fully made him into Jason Vorhees. In this sequel to the garbage “restart” you’ve made, Michael Myers has visions of his mother dictating what he does. Are you FREAKING kidding me? One of the most essential horror elements of the Halloween genre was not really knowing Michael’s motives. That’s why the genre went downhill after they started explaining about the druid cult and all that other garbage. Come on man, give me a break.
Now granted, the remake of Friday the 13th was absolutely amazing. It was everything Jason was supposed to be. They left the whole “superhuman” aspect out of it seeing as it didn’t need to be dealt with in the first movie of a restart and he runs and he kills and he’s good at what he does. The film violates nothing from the horror mythology that was created (the baghead was in there for crying out loud haha). It just condenses it and imposes modern quality onto it. Something Zombie should have thought about doing. Another film that worked, was the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Because Leatherface is another burst through the door with a chainsaw and chase you killer. Sure, the focus on his family went a little above and beyond what we expected, and I felt it hurt the film overall, but still, as an entry into the franchise, it was still way better than part 2 with Dennis Hopper or….*shutter* the Matthew McConaughey one.
Now, we have 2 new films headed our way; A Nightmare on Elm Street and a new entry into the Scream franchise.
What’s important here is focusing on what makes these franchises, or better yet, their central characters, original and interesting. Freddy Kruger had better be a smart ass. If he is a silent killer, I’m going to be very pissed. He need to play with his prey in their dreams, torture them with their worst fears. We need to see the families unwilling to help their own kids calling out for help. All of the aspects that were highpoints littered throughout the original franchise.As far as the new Scream film goes – it’s simple. Return to your roots. There’s been talk of a restart/sequel mix this go around. And that’s completely fine. But do it right. The original 2 films focuses on breaking the conventions of what they actually were; a slasher movie and a sequel slasher movie. When the 3rd film started making it’s own rules about trilogies, you kind of forgot something…..horror films NEVER end at number 3. So first off, this aspect needs to be acknowledged and engaged. Secondly, you need to focus on the Hollywood need to “reboot” movies to make money off them, paying no mind to the authenticity of the originals. Play up the crazy fans who take everything for biblical measure. Make EVERYONE a red herring with a legit excuse to be the killer. We need a new innovative horror film and something that still follows the template of the original film of the franchise. You’re the best chance we have Scream 4….don’t screw it up.
Oh and PS: if you make a horror film PG-13 then you deserve the bad reviews, low box office and crap quality you get from it; I don’t care what “uncut” pun you have planned for the DVD release.
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