WHAT IS SELFLESS
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WHAT IS SELFLESS
Blog by Jesse Ryder Hughes
I could have become jaded, because of my own insecurities. I choose to see the swelling up in my stomach that requires tums and pepto bismol. My directorial debut has thrown challenges in my corner that I couldn’t of foreseen starting this project. I am realizing in life that my values don’t often work. My love for my fellow man is a great gift, but selflessness can work against you as much as for you. Selflessness requires a respect, love and awareness of others, and selfishness is narrow minded, straight and often uncaring. That’s the way I viewed it. Now I view it as the same as selflessness. Love and respect for yourself. If these two aspects of human life aren’t balanced though problems arise. I am often selfless. I can be easily taken advantage of and have huge care for the way people feel. I often avoid making people hurt or angry. This is bad. It is frustrating for me, because I think this is affecting my craft and growth in a bad way. It’s frustrating, because I know and am extremely aware of what I want, but I put people before me and get taken advantage of easily. A lot of the time people don’t even realize they are taking advantage of. So is it my job to stop them? As a director, and in general, the answer is yes. I know I have to hurt feelings here and there in certain situations and I don’t want to, but when things are out of hand and heading for potential disaster, I have to stop it and do what I don’t tend to do. Be firm and state what I think and what is substantial to the piece or my life. The positive out of this experience is more self awareness and a keen eye for the way people are and how to deal with them. This is experience you would never get in school. It’s going to make me that much more balanced and happy and taking less stomach medicine.
As the days get closer to opening my stomach is tossing and turning. I am pretty nervous facing the play and facing where I have to grow to really be strong in this business. I am still a dreamer, but I am becoming more of a realist and not being scared of that. I can’t wait to have a vacation from all my work and just travel a bit and explore and escape and come back refreshed, but that isn’t until December. I have to take this month and run with it. Stand my ground find the moments when I’m not and force myself to be brave and take control of the situation. I’m ready. This experience has changed me as an artist. It has made the hard things in life relatively miniscule. I may hate it now, but I’ll regret it later for not standing my ground, so why would I watch myself not stand my ground and let things pass. It’s completely ludicrous. An average guy comedy show.
On a lighter note I got the gig I talked about in my podcast. I have been booking a lot and I think it is because of all my improv training, which I’m starting to really warm up too. I had a show last night and it was extremely successful. It was my strongest performance to date. In improve you have to be aware so much or you get lost in what is happening. I am getting really good at being aggressive, but sharing the stage with my fellow people. I can’t wait to keep training for another year and really get crazy up there and abuse my improve and acting chops everywhere I go. I blow off so much steam and learn at the same time. It’s so amazing. Now that I have an income coming in from acting work I feel that now things are taking off and can afford to put back into my craft. It is helping keep realizing the fun in what I do, while directing is stressing me out. It’s a constant reminder why I am doing this and plowing ahead even through the worst of and hardest of times and self realizations that I never wanted to look at.
In the coming weeks when I start to become less busy I am going to read like crazy and learn about the world. My discipline has arisen again and I am finding the point in doing all this for myself and facing the challenges for myself to help connect with others when I am on stage, doing comedy or on camera. I want to be the greatest I can be and have fun. It’s about the work for me and those simple pleasure in life outside of the work with my friends and girlfriend. Balance is key. It is the key to this blog and we all have trouble wanting people to understand us. We need to love ourselves, in our worst and best and be happy with the choices that we make. When we love ourselves and these lives we are accountable for then we can spread the wealth. It’s easier said than done, but it is wisdom to hold onto and a goal worth reaching for.
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