Okay. Letís just get it out of the way. Wes and I are separating. Iím not going to go into the details other than itís painful and difficult but feels like the healthiest choice right now. We are going to a therapist to help us through the process and to help us communicate better because well we canít just go our separate ways because we have Jack. Sheís really great and helpful. So I highly recommend her if anyone needs some therapy and really donít we all?! (you can email me if you need her number). On a sidenote Jack got into my computer and ripped up some keys so my space bar is wonky as well as the ďmĒ key so bear with me as I write this.
So Iím going to stay in Toronto for now. Because I have good agents here and weíve got our own place. I miss Los Angeles and ideally Iíd like to go back and forth but make Toronto my base. Because I want Wes to be in Jackís life and also the thought of going back to Los Angeles and starting over there takes the wind out of me.
I gotta stop going to the perezhilton web site. Itís an awful addiction. Also I gotta stop following the Britney trainwreck. Itís just a distraction from my own problems, but man, please for the love of god someone stop her.
I had a bunch of auditions when I got back and for stuff I actually felt right for. I also felt good about them. I did a good job. Except for one last week for a small part in a movie. I just got nervous. But the majority of them I showed up and did my best. Now the tricky part is to not psyche myself out because I didnít book any of them. Keep moving forward. I really like being in acting class again. Plus Iím going to do workshops in the next two months so I can start work on another show. Itíll get me to write.
Itís scary writing this. I donít have a framework. I guess one of the things I liked about being married is that it gave my life structure. But really it was just an illusion. Because everything changes right thatís the one thing we can count on. Nothing is static.
Iím so grateful to be an actor. Because I have a place to put all these feelings or put myself in another set of circumstances and take a break from the details of my own life. We were in the process of breaking up while I was doing the play. And wow was I happy to have a place to put all the stuff. To live it out on stage through the character. Not in a therapy sort of way but to share. To be witnessed. I seek that out.
I find myself as I write this trying to either tie it up neatly in a nice bow of wisdom or have a funny story or anecdote. Nothing is coming to me. I had a dream where I saw a night sky of stars and meteors and planets and ufoís that were astounding. Like nothing Iíd ever experienced. I felt overwhelmed with awe and excitement. Somehow I want to keep that as the theme for this next phase of my life. And just see what happens.