Okay. So my play did not get into Summerworks. And that sucks. Yes, it was an early draft with no ending and no production team. And yes, Iím new to Toronto. And yes, itís my first play. I was still disappointed. I had it all planned out. We would do the play and then people would see it and see how charming and funny Wes and I are and then theyíd build a television show around us and weíd shoot it in Vancouver and take it to the States and all those people who rejected me would eat dirt and die. I think maybe I was getting a little carried away.
Itís probably a blessing in, not that much of a disguise, considering that it was pretty much a blow by blow account of our relationship. It was hard enough just doing a reading. There is nothing quite like working out stuff in a marriage while making it into a hopefully comedic piece of writing. Sometimes I can be an art cannibal. Once my mom and I were literally fighting in the theater after she saw a version of my show. ďYou need to just grow up!Ē she screamed in the empty theater while I cleared up props. It was not the first time sheíd seen the show but it was after my dad had gone to jail and well she was just more fragile. I can empathize. But it was pretty funny in a nightmare sort of way. I used it for the rewrite the next week. My dad, who was in a halfway house, just laughed when I told him. ďItís all materialĒ. After when I started doing readings of my most recent stuff my mom joked ďWell at least sheís writing about you now, WesĒ.
But thatís not what I wanted to talk about. Transitioning. Moving to a new city. It happens in layers. The first blush of excitement is starting to fade and now Iím just annoyed that I have to start all over here. I mean I do have agents and better auditions for film and t.v. than I did in Los Angeles. But theatreÖthatís a whole other kettle of fish. I have no history here. I mean itís not like I was rocking the house in Los Angeles. The closest thing I got to the Taper (the ďlegitĒ theater in Los Angeles) was a couple of paid readings and countless auditions because of one casting director there who liked me but then he died. But I worked pretty consistently and I loved it. I like being on stage. It makes me happy. I like the camaraderie. I canít believe I used that word, but I do.
Okay. I donít have history here, which can feel strange. I moved a lot as a teenager and it was weird. I realized that my identity was fluid. One month Iím a straight A, bunhead and the next Iím in school in the south of France hanging with girls who smoked, sniffed cleaning fluid and shoplifted. My parents had no idea, they just thought it was cute that I kissed all my friends on both cheeks every morning and wore scarves. Thatís when I realized I needed to go to boarding school.
Iíve submitted myself for theatre stuff but so far not a one audition. I thought that my Los Angeles mystique would at least get me an audition, but so far not a bite. Maybe they think the theatre there is a joke. And some of it is. A lot of it is. But there is a lot of fun, good stuff too.
But Iím getting sidetracked. I need to be proactive. But sometimes the thought of hustling all over again just makes me tired. Itís also the double whammy of having a baby. And itís such a smaller pool of actors here, which can be strange. In Los Angeles I can think of 3 other actresses who are literally my doppelgangers we look that much alike. We see each other and joke about how so and so called me your name the other day. But here in Toronto this redheaded actress maddogged (gangbanger term for dirty look) me at a commercial audition as if to say ďthis town is only big enough for one of usĒ.
Trust the universe. Stay open. Donít write the ending.
I always wanted to play Laura in the Glass Menagerie and so when I was in my late twenties I started to panic that my time had come and gone. They were auditioning for the part in this little community theater way down south in Orange County. I remember being really cocky at the audition. Like they are so lucky to have me, a real actress, audition for the role. I was outside in the courtyard preparing when I see this girl walk up to audition. Sheís using crutches. I was like thatís a bit much, using props until I realized that they were real. She was really crippled. I know thatís not the p.c. term but itís what I thought. Holy moley. She must have had cerebral palsy or something but I was like whoa. I canít compete with that.