Peter Brusikiewicz Weekly Blog February 6th

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Peter Brusikiewicz Weekly Blog - February 6th 2007

Peter Brusikiewicz finally gets serious

I have told you all a bit about my social life and the culture shock that I am experiencing living in New York. But let us get serious now and talk about what I am really here for…. acting. The past week was a very important phase in my development as an actor. I have learned one very important thing about actors…. they are the most insecure and emotionally dysfunctional people… at least the beginning actors are… and by all means, this includes me.

So far this week, one girl did an activity and at one point she could not take it anymore and ran out of the classroom. Another girl started to cry when she brought up personal matters and shared them with the classmates. Another girl was doing Meisner with another classmate and she got to a point where she felt so uncomfortable with him that she nearly ripped his head off. I had a partner for Meisner as well, who found the task so emotionally frustrating that at one point he just walked away, all pissed off. I thought that he was ready to snap my neck!

Peter Brusikiewicz talks about those bottled up emotions

We are reaching the phase where we are all getting in touch with our bottled up emotions. We are popping the cap off of these bottles full of these emotions that we locked up so long ago, and it is difficult for all to deal with. I feel as if I am lagging behind because I have not popped the cap off of my bottle full of these emotions. Maybe I am afraid, or insecure, or maybe I put the cap on them so tight that it is hard for me to break it open. Remember when I told you all that acting is therapy? Well let me tell you what I meant by that from my point of view (I am tired of telling people this, but I will tell you anyway): A couple of years ago, I was in a car accident, which left me comatose. I had to learn how to do everything all over again. I had to learn how to walk again; how to talk and form sentences again; I had to learn how to socialize again; I was a born-again virgin (it sucked!). I was a 21 year-old infant. But the worst thing about it was that I was not in touch with my emotions. I was a zombie. I would not know anger from happiness, and when these emotions did come back, they came back like a hurricane.

All these emotions (which were new to me) were being randomly triggered by I don’t even know what. Manic depression kicked in. One minute, I was the happiest fuck in the world and the next; I was ready to shoot myself in the head. My emotions were very one-dimensional. I had the best relationship with anger. Even when I left to New York, I was only in touch with anger (even though I tried hard to get in touch with my other emotions).

Peter Brusikiewicz talks about reconnecting with his emotions again

Acting, however, I feel, will help me reconnect with all of these other emotions (joy, happiness, sadness, etc.) and will help me get control of them. This I have learned today, after I realized that I have no problems connecting with anger and fear when performing. But, it is difficult for me to play off of emotions such as happiness and joy. So I have this work ahead of me: I have to reconnect these other emotions. I am working on it. It will take some time. IT’S THERAPY!

On the lighter note in my class, acting techniques, on Friday my partner and me were given two lines for which we had to create a story, they were: “What are you doing?” and “What does it look like I’m doing.” I was partnered up with this girl and we came up with the idea that we were going to be boyfriend and girlfriend, and she sees me at a nightclub talking to another girl and she leaves. But before she walks out the door, I grab her by the arm and say “What are you doing?” and she replies “What does it look like I’m doing?” and she rips my hand off her, and exits. Simple right? Not for me it wasn’t. We had it all staged, she would get off her chair and start walking to the door, and then I would jump off my chair, and go after her and grab her by the arm. But she had a different idea. She did not feel like going with the original plan (because she was tired), and she did not tell me of this. She got off her chair and just started dancing in front of the class. Meanwhile, I am sitting in my chair waiting for her to walk to the door. My teacher looks at me and is bewildered. I keep telling him to hold, as I watch her and wait for her to walk to the door. At one point, I look at my partner, in surprise, as she dances, and say in bewilderment, “What are you doing?” The teacher jumps up and says “Wow! That was beautiful”. Other students were like “That was awesome”. I looked at everyone in surprise and said “Huh”. Apparently, I said my line “What are you doing” without me being aware of it. It came out so organic and so real that it stunned everyone. I was not even aware of this; I wish I were because then I would have taken the credit even though I did not deserve it. That is acting my friends…being real and living in the moment. Being so real and following your natural impulses in such a way, that you are not even aware that you are doing it. That is what I have to learn how to do. I still have a lot of work and a long way to that.

Peter Brusikiewicz and his Roommate

To further prove to you how weird actors are, my roommate the other day bragged to me that he could cry on cue. We had a laugh, after we realized what he was showing off about. What 21 year-old guy would be bragging about crying? ONLY IN ACTOR.

Until next time.

PeterB

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