Perfectionism and Procrastination
Precious Chong Blog

ALSO ON SITE

Perfectionism and Procrastination
by Precious Chong

Oh my gosh…

I haven’t written one of these in ages. I started a couple of times and then more and more stuff happened that I wanted to write and then it became overwhelming so then I just stopped. It was the perfect combination of perfectionism and procrastination. I think they go hand and hand anyway. Put it off until it it’s perfect, which means never.

Well here I am. Yesterday. Wes and I had our final mediation and I gave over my taxes to the taxman Peter Messaline. It was a double whammy and I was dreading both of them. It actually didn’t go that badly. Wes and I have been getting along really well. As friends and co-parents. It’s nice and bittersweet. We still do things as a family with our beautiful boy. And Jack is thriving. So all’s well that ends well. At times I grapple with the part of me that wants my idea of “our perfect love story”. But let’s face it. I’m happier. He’s happier. Jack is happy. So it’s not traditional. We’re very modern. I still love Wes. We’re family but it is different. So I am grieving in a way. But now I’m grieving the fact that I don’t feel quite as heartbroken. I know that must sound crazy.

The taxes went well too. I think I’m a little melancholy, because both things are making me revisit this past year. And it was so emotional and painful, I remember last year, Wes and I going with a 2 year old Jack to get our taxes done. I’m breastfeeding Jack in Peter’s immaculate home and Wes is giving me dirty looks. We both are stressed and hating each other, blaming each other for our unhappiness. Really, they should make it as hard to get married, as it is to get divorced. I’ve had to learn more about communicating and negotiating with Wes through the process of separation than anything else.

Enough about that…I shot the Amelia movie. It was an adventure. I got to say a line, because, of course they cut most of our scenes by the time we showed up on the set. But I got to say the line only by the skin of my teeth. Seriously, the director, god love her, had confused us and had thought she had given the line to this other actress. I swear, I’m not making this up. And I knew it. I had that intuition. I thought I was being paranoid, but sure enough the second a.d. brings me to her and she goes “No, I meant the other woman, Gladys”….”this is Gladys”…awkward pause…I ‘m standing there in jodhpurs feeling like an asshole. I mean I even researched this part. It is based on a true person. And here I am…the wrong one. It’s hilarious. “Oh…” you can see her thinking…”okay”…So they use me. And as I’m sitting in the plane, wondering, “Is this fair? Should I have said something like “it’s okay she can do it”…?” But then I come to the conclusion…”For some reason it’s me, sitting in this cool plane from 1929 with a big fan blowing in my face and me screaming across at Hillary Swank” so I just go with it. It was fun. And of course a crazy story.

Then I also, for some reason, was asked to host a doggie fashion show. I am not a good host. Maybe if I played it as a character. But as me…I’m just no good at that easy banter and funny one-liners. And I swear to god. They had more press at that doggie fashion show than anything I can remember. People are crazy about their pets. More so than their children. I’m sure. It was a fundraiser for canine cancer. And I had to announce the doggie survivors. Those survivor dogs came hopping on that stage and it was a blur of dogs of all shapes and sizes and flashbulbs and then me in the background a little dumbfounded.

I also did the new show I wrote at the Toronto Festival of Clowns before taking it to the Winnipeg Fringe. It was a lot of work and I was half mad trying to rehearse it, rewrite it, audition, work my Joe jobs, raise Jack, and not lose my mind. But I gotta say, I love doing the show. It makes it all worth it. I have to also say that I couldn’t have done it without Wes stepping up and being there to watch Jack during the craziness.

Oh…so Ingrid, the fabulous public relations lady, helped me by sending out a press release. So the day before the show, I’m at Taylor’s, who is helping me record stuff for the show, and I get a call from Adam, who is also stretched thin from directing my show, producing the clown festival, and directing another show as well. He calls me. “So and so from CBC radio wants to talk to you and see if they want you on their show…so he’s going to ask you questions probably about your dad…it would be great to get on it…so be amazing” click…My heart sinks…I feel nervous…I’m totally going to blow this, I know it. So the guy calls and starts firing off questions…I try to be entertaining and glib, but he keeps asking me about “Clowning”. I tell him I’m sort of new to “clowning”. “You’re in a clown festival and you don’t know about clowns” “Well my show is more character based”. So, after about 5 mins of this he goes “I don’t think this is going to work… because we really want to talk about Clowning” click.. I start crying in Taylor’s basement. Because I’m stretched thin. Because I suck at press stuff. Because I feel like a fraud. I thought he was going to ask about my famous dad.

Later that day Adam and I have it out. I’m mad at him for putting me in a situation that I wasn’t prepared for. He’s mad at me because he thinks I’m just slacking off. That I don’t really care. But I do. I love doing this. It’s a hard conversation. But it cracks it all open. I run the show and I’m more in it. Maybe I was holding back. Not consciously but a part of me. I needed that push. I needed to really commit myself. It was uncomfortable but necessary. I was glad that it happened and that Adam and I could really get down and dirty about what was happening. He’s a good director.

The shows in Toronto go well. The first one is okay but the second one rocks and I have a great audience and I feel great…. I do a kids fringe show called “The Fart Factory” that Kristen Mcgregor and Taylor Wilson wrote and it’s a huge hit. Most of the shows are sold out. Jack sees it 3 times. He’s never seen me on stage. The first time he comes he calls out “Hi Mommy, hi mommy” as I come on to do my scene. Then he comes again. Then I catch him singing the songs from the show as he sits in his car seat. The last show is so packed that my babysitter can’t get it. So Jack watches it alone. In the front row. I’m terrified that he’s going to just run backstage and try to find me. But he’s great. He gets up and dances and sings to each song and then at the end takes a bow with us. Except he faces us and takes his bow. It’s pretty much the cutest thing ever. He’s completely enthralled by all the performers and is dying to get up on stage.