PAUL WILKINSSearch WILDsound  A Letter From a Die Hard Ex Trekkie For many years, I’ve searched for someone special. I’ve wished for the great live. I wanted and if I got something, I always wanted more. Of course this desire is only human. In my case my desire was only love. I was raised in a rough household, literarily in the middle of a tough neighborhood. “Gunshots for breakfast” is something I always said as a joke. It was one of the only ways I could cope. I remember hurrying past the cardboard homes as my mom rushed me to school. We’d hear a blast and then another, as we hurried to a safe place. School was a safe; there my life wasn’t in danger. As a student I saw many\ fights and rough children, but I found more comfort there than at home. As a result I made corny jokes to cope. The rest of the time I watched Star Trek. My favorite film was the first one, Star Trek the Motion picture. In it, an officer falls in love with a feminine machine. This beautiful woman was merely a copy of the person he loved; she was the north star of his life. He wanted her. Though she was a machine she wanted him too. I wanted my north star. For many years, I searched for this unconditional love. I looked to family members, friends, mentors and teachers. I tried and tried again to get the love I yearned for, but somehow it eluded me. I passed through girlfriends quicker than a glutton to food. The pleasure was only momentary. Despite the short relationships, I knew that the love existed for me… somewhere. I knew I shouldn’t give up. After years of searching, someone convinced me to meditate. I finally sat down and looked within. As time passed by I realized that there was someone to love. That someone was me. How could I show love if I didn’t know what it was deep down inside? With each breath I appreciated the beauty within the silence. I realized the unlimited possibilities that arise from stillness. In short, I learned to love me. I learned that time would pass and friends would come and go. Romances can be as memorable as a movie and just as forgetful. Parents can be alive one day and pass the next. The only constant in all of this was me. If I believed in myself, then who could take that away? As I learned to appreciate my inner and outer worlds, everything started to fall into place. First I treated myself better, then I began to let go. I accepted the past as the past, and opened myself to a better tomorrow. I let go of Star Trek, after all it was just a movie. I finally began to live my life. I appreciated the moment, and saw the love of friends and parents. Most importantly I found the love of my life. She’s a very beautiful woman who appreciates me for who I am - just like I do. As times and relationships change, I can be certain that growth is on my horizon.
PAUL WILKINS
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CREATIVE IDEAS
