Matthew Toffolo Blog May 5th/2007In the house that I grew up in, the thing that I remember most was our upstairs bathroom. The shower doors had a mirror right across from the mirror above the sink. So when you stood in front of it you could see 100 versions of yourself that went on forever. I used to think they were 100 different versions of myself all doing different things in a different universe. So when I stood in front of that mirror as a child I used to think what I wanted to be when I grew up. That question of: What do you want to be when you grow up?, was probably the first question I remember someone asking me. My mother throughout my childhood was figuring out what she wanted to be when she was already grown up and raising three kids. She headed to University to get her degree and eventually become a teacher throughout my entire time from my first memory to the age where I started to really like girls. She was looking for her identify in life as my father, her husband, already had his own. It must of been a tough time for her dealing with school, a husband, a household and raising three kids all at the same time. Seeing her doing what she was doing really made me think at a very early age what I was going to do with this life I was born into. What I wanted to be! At first I decided I wanted to be a Rock Star. I used to sing made-up rock songs in the shower thinking that I was the greatest singer and music writer ever. A Mozart of his time. Only when I was introduced by Billy Idol by a friend of the family’s son was when it hit me that he was doing what I was doing in the shower.....only a whole lot better. I was determined to be the next Mozart Idol for about 2 months when I set my sights on other things. I then wanted to be a Truck Driver. I was fortunate growing up to do a lot of traveling across Canada and the US. I loved being in different cities and communities and meeting different people. I thought the Truck Driver had the greatest job. They got to do what I loved to do for free and travel the world. But after some very long car rides and feeling my behind getting sore, I figured the job wasn’t for me. A Detective! That’s what I wanted to be. My childhood friend and I used to imagine we were Inspector Jones figuring out the latest mystery on the block. We could be heroes by the community and solve all the riddles. But soon enough I realized that I was a big picture kind of guy and dealing with small details wasn’t for me. Then I wanted to be a Baseball player (and still do). The first time I went to see a major league baseball game I was in love for the first time in my life. The atmosphere was for me. I soon realized that this was an activity that you can’t stop learning. Once you think you have the game figured out, something new falls into your lap. Growing up in Canada and of course playing hockey (it’s part of our religion, we all have to play hockey), I was fond of playing the game but soon realized that the game was flawed. There isn’t as much to learn as baseball. The game just So I was determined to be the next Mickey Mantle. Problem was that I just wasn’t that gifted an athlete. And this problem caused quite a dilemma to my psyche. I could of just obsessed myself with the game and will myself to be great, but at that time in my life I just didn’t have the confidence to push myself as hard. I still feared life and the people and things around it. But I was determined to stay in the game. Maybe I could be a scout, or an executive and then possibly the General Manager of the team. I sort of liked the idea of becoming an umpire. I could travel from city to city which I loved and be a part of the action in the Major league world. At age 14, that’s what I decided to become. I wanted to know more and more about the game so I really didn’t care much for school and devoted my studies into baseball. Funny things happens when you force yourself to become an expert on something. Because of Baseball I became an expert at mathematics, geography (mainly Japan, North and Latin America), 20th century history (the depression, the many wars etc.), psychology of human nature, physics, race relations, labor negotiations, unions, spirituality and knowing that having luck is sometimes better than overall skill. And if you happen to succeed only a 3rd of the time, you can be considered one of the greats. Baseball became an analogy to what the world was for me and I continue to have that same mind-set years later. For about four months I thought I was going to be a teacher. I wanted to be one because I thought we needed a teacher who actually felt empathy with the students and knew what they were doing. I thought then and still do think that 95% of teachers are really bad teachers who have no idea how to teach someone anything. I wanted to contribute to society and teach because I thought they needed me. It was the feeling for me of volunteering to go to war for the good of the country. But that soon ended when I realized that if I follow what I love first, I would contribute to society a whole lot more. So at age 16 I was still going to be a major league umpire. I had it all planned out too. During this time I was very much into my own head. I didn’t socialize much and really didn’t care to. But my first girlfriend brought me out of my funk and taught me the world of creativity. It was then I realized that I wanted to be a broadcaster, not an umpire. It would be the same exciting schedule, but I would also get to tell stories that were right in front of me too. A baseball play-by-play man, that’s what I wanted to become. I still think to this day that Vin Scully, the broadcaster for the Los Angeles Dodgers for the last 55 years is the greatest storyteller in Hollywood. The way that man tells the main story of the game while also telling the many inside stories of the players, the day and the fans is truly remarkable. He juggles 15 subplots while also streamlining the main plot at the same time day in, day out. Hearing this man makes me feel relaxed and that all is good in the world. I had my first mentor. During this time I also fell in love with movies. So much so that I used to watch at least 3 movies a day. From the next box office hit to the old classics and not so classic. Watching Taxi Driver for the first time changed my life. The loneliness, confused innocense in the main character was something I never seen on film before. They were feelings I was feeling at that time and knew I needed to change or else I would be Travis Bickle. At 18 as I was nearing High School graduation, I was confused. I was working in a Grocery Store moving up the ranks as it was a field I really excelled at. I knew I had a big future there and I could own my own store one day. I also still wanted to be a play-by-play man. But this whole movie thing was becoming an itch I couldn’t scratch. So I decided to go to Broadcasting school while also working full-time at a Grocery Store to see what I wanted to be when I grew up. I soon realized that school was pretty much a waste of time and you could learn anything they taught you by yourself. And it probably was better for you to learn it yourself so you weren’t discriminated by the teachers own ideals and beliefs. But I stuck through it while also working full time as a Dairy Manager. At 21, this whole film thing was still something I couldn’t get away from. It was something I fell in love with more so than baseball and it served me more so as I could use the gifts I was born with and skills I developed to better use. I love business too from my Grocery experiences and knew that film was an art first, but also a very big business if not one of the biggest businesses in the world. So I set out to New York City so I could actually get taught by people who actually made films and not just teach you how to make films and I haven’t looked back since. This might sound crazy to some, but before I made this my career I went to one of the biggest psychics in the world for a one on one reading of my life. I wanted to know that this was something I was not going to waste my time over. I knew that this field was an extremely competitive environment and I needed to make sure that Directing and Producing was something I was suppose to do or if another field in this industry was more suited for me. As he looked into his “magic” bowl, he saw my future and told me that this was what I was suppose to do. Funny thing about that day and listening to the recordings afterwards, is that he was right on about almost everything and the things he wasn’t right on about just haven’t happened yet. It’s scary actually. So by knowing that just gives me all the confidence I need to do whatever I want and knowing that the world is going to reward me for it. Maybe he’s totally wrong but it doesn’t matter because all I needed was the confidence, that magic ingredient that you need inside of you to achieve whatever you want. And I know that all I need to do is succeed a 3rd of the time and I will be considered one of the greats.
|
