Matthew Toffolo Blog
May 31st/2007

Matthew Toffolo talks about what he’s a FAN of and what he isn’t a FAN of

Thirty years ago this week the movie STAR WARS opened around the world and into our pop culture until the end of humanity. You remember that movie, the Pirates in Space film with a little Buddha mixed in. That movie that completely changed the film industry as we know it and introduced us to the “Summer Movie experience!”

To celebrate, over 20,000 Star Wars fans have assembled in Los Angeles for a week long Star Wars Fan Fest party. It made me think if I love something so much that I would actually attend a week long tribute to. Maybe myself, but I get to spend all the time I want with me. It made me realize that I am really not a fan of anything. I think in order to be a fan, you need to have that kid inside of you where you admire something from afar eventhough you don’t really know what it is because you either never met it, or you weren’t apart of it.

When I was a kid, I used to collect baseball cards and be fans of many professional players. But that all changed on my 11th birthday. My parents used to take me and a group of my friends to see the Toronto Blue Jays play for my birthday present. On this birthday, it was raining and we waited in the stands to see if the rain would stop or not and they would eventually cancel the game. To kill time me and a friend of mine went down to the visiting teams dugout where a group of New York Yankee ballplayers were hanging out. Why were they hanging out in the cold, damp dugout instead of the warm cozy clubhouse? I had no idea at the time. I just assumed they wanted to hangout and talk with the fans. Later on in my 20's after reading a book about the Yankees from this time, I realized they were in the dugout that day because their owner George Steinbrenner was in the clubhouse yelling at all of the playing and coaches and they were just trying to get away from him.

So as we talked to my old heroes, Dave Winfield, Don Mattingly, Ricky Henderson, Ron Guidry etc.. and asked for their autographs, I was shattered by their reception. On TV they were so nice and pleasant and such great athletes. When you’re 11 you assume that if someone is so gifted, they must be really a great person too. I was rejected my autograph requests and was told to get lost by Ricky Henderson and to “leave us alone.” I stayed of course and began talking to Don Mattingly. Of course Donny Baseball would be the great guy I thought he was. I began by kissing his butt and telling him what I great hitter he was and how he should win the MVP that year. I then asked him if I could have a baseball maybe as it was my birthday. His response shattered all my ideals. “It ain’t your birthday kid. You know how many times kids say that to me. Can you please leave me alone?”

Well fuck you Mr. Don Mattingly I thought and tore off to my seat. I hated baseball for about 5 seconds, my only real love at the time. Then I quickly realized that they were just human beings. They were just like my asshole neighbor across the street. I didn’t hate my neighbor for being a dickhead! Dickheads were dickheads. My neighbor was a gifted builder of things. He could turn a block of wood into a television set. I admired his gift for turning nothing into so much, but I really didn’t like him all that much. That’s what baseball players were: human beings.

After that I really never was a fan of anything. I loved the game, but I considered baseball an even admiration. I didn’t look up to it because I knew I was just as good as the game no matter how much I loved it.

But maybe I am a fan of things. So I sat down and thought about what I could be a fan of. But while I did that, I also thought about what I wasn’t a fan of. And sometimes NOT being a fan of something triggers that emotion inside of you that its almost as hard to look away from it than being a fan of it is.

I am a FAN of the Sopranos. I consider it the great artistic representation of anything in the last 20 years. Nothing is better than the Sopranos. I learn so much as a storyteller and filmmaker watching that show, but I also am able to sit back and just enjoy what I am watching too.

I am NOT A FAN of Entourage. Why? Because the second season was an interesting representation of the industry. It had heart, emotion and real conflict. It actually took a look at the main characters and really showed them for the children that they were. It gave the characters an actual arc that maybe they all should really grow up. Then the third season turned fluffy and completely phony and it shows the audience a completely artificial interpretation of the entertainment industry. I watch to see if it actually turns the corner and gets itself back on track, but each week it slowly pushes itself closer to crap. The characters went from actual human beings in this strange land, to no-dimensional plot driven robots. But the problem is that there isn’t even a real plot anymore.

I am a FAN of Michael Jordan. No other person represented true greatness doing their profession than him in my lifetime. Most people drop from their peak performance during times of extreme pressure. Its just a human trait that we all have. Never have I seen someone step it up more than Jordan during times of great pressure. And the fact that he was already brilliant before these pressure times was truly remarkable. You knew he would win and that no one was going to stop him.

I am NOT A FAN of what it takes to become Michael Jordan. You have to internalize your whole world so much that you really have no idea what’s around you. You have to become so selfish and self-driven that nothing else: people, the world, nothing!, is more important than being the greatest at what you do. That’s what it takes. You love it from afar, but if you look closer you see the lonely world that he is forced to live. You love him for being so special, but also feel sorry for him for being so one-dimensional.

I am a FAN that now pretty much everyone can make a movie. With technology so advanced and so universal, anyone can pick up a camera, shoot something and edit it in their computer. It makes for an interesting future. With this, the world will quickly see who is special and who is not special. It will be like kids playing in the playground. Anybody can kick and throw a ball and you see really quickly who are the special ones and who are just average ones. Before it was hard to distinguish the special ones from the average ones in film. Now its so easy because the equipment is going to be available for everyone to play.

I am NOT A FAN of shows like American Idol and now On the Lot. These shows are very dangerous. One of my wishes for this year is for On the Lot to completely bomb. Its saying that the best singers and filmmakers are the ones who perform best on the first take. They are forced to be judged on their first try. Robert DeNiro says he doesn’t get going until his 7th take when making a film. So if DeNiro went on an American Idol version for Actors (and believe me, its coming or maybe its already here), then he would be booted off the show. I believe in competition, but when creating something how can you be at your best when you are looking at the corner of your eye to see what the other person is doing? It means that you’re in your head and you can’t perform when you are in your head. Creativity comes from the heart and soul of your body. Hence why I generally hate auditions. I can’t for the life of me understand why actors still have to go through these terrible situations. No way you can find the best under these circumstances.

I am a FAN of Candor. Just tell me what you really feel about something without trying not to hurt my feelings or worst of all, your own. You bullshit me with your real feelings then 99 times out of a 100 it leads to some sort of conflict down the line. Candor is like pulling off the band-aid is one rip, dealing with the immediate pain and then moving on. Lack of candor is nip picking that band-aid in slow rips so you can ease the pain. The pain is happening, you can’t stop it. Just get it over with. And most times in the long run that pain was exactly what needed to happen to you and it makes your happier and a better overall person in the future.

I am NOT A FAN of Immediate Emotional Responses. Being hurt about something and reacting to it right away. You haven’t taken in the situation and have just reacted from your emotions. This always leads to trouble. Its your own insecurity and fears (and we all have them) that you are reacting from, not from your actual logical mindset. I learned that when I react from that place of fear, it leads to a terrible future.

I am a FAN of Actors. What they have to do in order to obtain a great performance is truly remarkable. For an actor, their body is their instrument. Imagine having to go to deep and dark places in order to perform a make believe character and turn it into something real! There’s a lot of danger in how they have to play with their inner self. I’m surprised more of them aren’t crazier than they are.

I am NOT A FAN of people who think they are Actors. Unfortunately these are 95% of those people who actually call themselves actors. I call them posers. They want to be actors and some of them can become somewhat successful, but they don’t really do the things that it takes to become a great actor. The great actors must hate that there are so many posers in their field. Imagine going to a Hospital and seeing 100's of people dressed up as Doctors but only 5 of them actually are. It would take forever to actually get to the real deal and when you do, you’re so jaded my the influences of all of the posers that its hard to actually know if they are real or not. Actors who don’t take care of their instruments. Can a violin player sit on their butt for two weeks and then think they can perform remarkably well in front of a crowd of people? It just doesn’t work that way. And actors who just sit and wait for their agent to call them and complain that their career isn’t what they wanted it to be especially gets on my nerves. They fail to remember that this is a business and you are your own boss. Go out there and get what you want and shut up if things don’t go as well as you want it to. Being your own boss means that you are responsible. There are so many successful actors out there too who are willing to talk to you about what they did to become successful. Go talk to them and you’ll see that none of them waited for their agent to call. They took responsibility and set up their business.

I am a FAN of the small ball baseball compared to Moneyball baseball.

I am NOT A FAN of Interleague baseball

I am a FAN of games. Any game. I am especially a FAN of winning.

I am NOT A FAN of people who play a game not caring if they win or lose. If you’re going to play, please come with the passion to win. Or don’t play the game.

I am a FAN of Capitalism

I am NOT A FAN of Socialism

I am a FAN of Jen Frankel’s writing. She could be one of the greats.

I am NOT A FAN of 95% of newspaper journalists in the Toronto papers. A lot of wankers who really don’t understand human nature and where we are in our present time in existence.

I am a FAN of parents who understand what is really the best thing for their kid.

I am NOT A FAN of parents who spend too much time with their kids and spoil them from getting a little dirty in the world.

I am a FAN of Talk Radio

I am NOT A FAN of Talk TV

I am a FAN of people who always meet their deadlines.

I am NOT OF FAN of people who are late.

I am a FAN of learning I am NOT A FAN of staying in one spot for very long.

I am a FAN of city life

I am NOT A FAN of suburban life.

Okay, so maybe I am a fan of a lot of things, because there’s more but I’ll stop. ....

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