LIVING IN THE MOMENT
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
LIVING IN THE MOMENT
by Jesse Ryder Hughes
This has been the busiest month in a while. It started with a call from my agent about a film in L.A. Buried under working at my day job a lot, I saw it as a ticket out. So I read the script right away and thought it was really funny. I did research around the guy who wrote the book it was based on. I did research on the casting director and director. They all looked like really interesting people. I booked a spot to do my tape and I started to work. I had a day and a half and I had to work most of the day. I skipped out on improve and went. I worked detailed, understood, humanized the character and brought my confidence and belief in myself up a few notches. I slept four hours got up, warmed up and went to Casting link to film my tape. I went for it and by the end I felt good. I could’ve felt better about it going a few more times, but I couldn’t afford it of course. I sent it to my agent and then let the fates decide. A few days later my agent called and I was nervous, because I want to give her the best performance I could, and I didn’t know what she thought. She loved it. She loved it so much she showed people wrote I little attachment to the casting director. I was relieved. I didn’t get a call to go in or anything, but I was just happy and grateful enough for my agent believing in me. I definitely changed her mind that I could just play the nice guy. Now I’ve gotten more auditions consistently since, because I feel her fighting for me and it makes me feel good. It makes me feel like our hard work together will pay off. I feel like a team more now with my agent, which makes me feel good.
With all these recent auditions comes the problem with scheduling. My worst nightmare. I hate screwing people over even if I’m doing something for free, but as an actor I definitely have to take career opportunities if they happen. All this balancing of my schedule is definitely allowing me a glimpse closer to what my priorities actually are right now and it is career moves right now, something sustainable. It would all still be for love. I had this romantic notion of doing what I want and becoming the next young revolutionaries with my friends, but I wasn’t really living for the moment and just enjoying the ride.
My father said an important thing to me to today that I’ve been thinking about. He said “Don’t compare and gage your success to others.” He said this after I was mentioning successful actors struggling it out. He talked about I’m me and my success will come to me when it comes. I thought about how different and unique it would be too, because my kind of success will have to do with my own gifts as a human and I will be recognized as being myself. It was a positive impact on me.
I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want to work on as an individual while working on my craft and it is to be more honest with myself. Sometimes fear comes in and it feels like it can cloud honesty. I think true honesty to you is something to be practiced and noticed. And not being afraid to take action on honesty. I have a huge problem speaking out and giving opinions. I am afraid to give a stupid opinion and more afraid of giving an opinion for the sake of giving it. I want it to be truly honest and from the heart. I did a film reading the other day and we talked about it after and I started talking and it felt good and then after it started to flourish into a deep conversation. It was actually a beautiful thing to witness. I planted the seed and everyone else helped it grow so the author could get a deeper understanding of it all. I was proud of myself, because I am normally the shy kid in the corner. I remember my teacher saying to me in my final interview at theatre school that once I find the enjoyment and stop being the boy in the background that I will explode. It has always stuck with me and even though I feel I’ve only shown little explosions here and there, I know that I can overcome my fears and make something great with my life. I’ve even been thinking about mistakes on a grand scale. The world makes mistakes, but we always seem to fix them in the end and grow from them in future generations. I’ve been reading a lot of history and it has been helping me understand myself and people even more within the world. I know I can do great things, I don’t know if it will be in Toronto or anywhere else. I’m going to keep on becoming wise and grow and practice my craft. That’s all that I can do right now.
