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LEARNING SEPTEMBER 2007
LEARNING SEPTEMBER 2007 - Archive What I Learned Yesterday - Sunday, September 30, 2007 10 Things I Learned This Week 1. I can make a plan for the day and stick to it. Saturday I picked several things I wanted to accomplish, did them, and gave myself a break for the rest of the day. I actually rested, because I planned a reasonable amount of work instead of overwhelming myself with trivia. 2. Even when given the time to make careful selections at the library, my preferred way to choose reading matter is randomly. I pick a mix of fiction and non-fiction, and read a lot about crime. 3. "Cracker" with Robbie Coltrane still ranks as one of the finest television series in history. 4. Back up EVERYTHING. Poor Francis Ford Coppola. I think I reacted more strongly to news that 15 years of his work had been stolen than I would have to the Lindberg kidnapping. 5. I'm not nearly as depressed as I was even a month ago. My emotions seem less random. I'm experiencing a new-found feeling of safety and security. 6. I learned how to do a new kind of Tarot reading, which was very informative. (I consider myself an enthusiastic non-believer, who thinks a) it's all bull, and b) it works and I'm good at it.) 7. The relationship I have with my partner is really quite extraordinary, and I should value it even more than I do. 8. Water is the best thing for washing your face. 9. I taught myself the basics of using "Dreamweaver." Look out, Net! 10. See yesterday, regarding cooking honey garlic ribs. What I Learned Yesterday - Saturday, September 29, 2007 Puzzles are awesome. I beat myself up a lot for wanting to play games. I used be totally addicted to the "match-3" type video games that burst out all over the net a few years back - finally something to blast away my previous addictions to Minesweeper and Spider Solitaire. I've advanced a theory, actually, that Step One in Bill Gates's plan to enslave the world under the Microsoft banner was to addict us all to Minesweeper. Bet you that incidences of carpal tunnel syndrome rose exponentially when it became standard issue with the Windows OS. My video game addiction goes back to the beginning, though. I had an Atari 2600, a Commodore 64 on which I played "Montezuma's Revenge" and a memorable action plus text thing based on The Dragonriders of Pern. Out of the house, I played arcade Tetris, and Galaga. No matter what some scientists are now saying about the benefits of improved hand-eye co-ordination, I only ever considered Tetris the least bit educational, and that mostly because it seemed to prove the idea that women are better at spacial relationship games than men. It was all genetic ego-stroking. I used to be able to justify the "match-3" games as a relaxer for the times when I was too low to really do much else. I got into Sudoku as well, on paper, not online, and got not only good but pretty well obsessed. Time wasters. Time fillers. But still, something I felt was keeping my mind active when I would otherwise have slept or... I don't know, watched the one channel that came in on the television - CTS - a constant cycle of 100 Huntley Street and Dr. Phil. Night before last, I sat down with a physical puzzle, a three dimensional model of the Cologne Cathedral. Fantastic. I can feel my brain working. It's been a while since I did one, and I'd forgotten how enjoyable a good puzzle can be. Maybe that's been the main problem of the last few years. I've taken less and less pleasure in feeling my brain work. I've run away from it, in fact. I have been so focused on the pain that working causes than the pleasure. The pain comes from the loneliness of having everything I do remain so solitary I feel that no one in the world knows me at all. The pleasure was always increased by sharing the output of my mind, something I did less and less in the years leading up to my move to Toronto. In fact, I was so turned in on myself, so unwilling to take pleasure from or share the workings of my brain that at least one person thought I was actually happy in Stratford, my previous home. I wasn't. I was numb. I can't really figure out the chicken-and-egg primacy of this equation, but one way or another, the sparking of my brain and the resurgence of my interest in really good puzzles, not just the time wasters, are both speeding up. With them have come a renewed interest in drawing, and in model-making, and, most importantly, I'm a little less afraid to enjoy my own ideas. It's mostly thanks to this website, actually. I have an outlet, and it makes me feel a little less isolated. I don't feel like I'm wasting my time thinking, or writing, so it's become easier again. That's a good thing to learn. I just want to keep knowing it. I forgot it once; I couldn't stand to forget again. Oh yeah. I also learned that if you're making honey garlic wings, you have to make sure the dish is really deep, or your neighbors are likely to think you're trying to burn down the apartment. Darned yummy, though. What I Learned Yesterday - Friday, September 28, 2007 Yesterday I learned that futility ain't all it's cracked up to be. Let's face it, I'm in a profession, line of work, pursing a passion that is peppered more than liberally with words of discouragement. The sad thing, I realized yesterday, is that most of them don't come from the people who really matter - the consumers of your work, or the purchasers of it. Most of it, the steady barrage, probably comes from people who are trying to do the same thing you are. We all have moments (or decades) of reduced faith in ourselves. I used to paper my bathroom with rejection letters. It actually inspired me to keep going. I praised my favorites and ridiculed the ones that hadn't considered me personally worth more than a form letter, whatever my work deserved. I was passionate, and I was focused. I think that when you lose your focus, and it's damned hard to stay enervated in the face of constant rejection, the voices that seep in to your consciousness are those of the people who tried what you're doing and didn't stick with it. I just finished the masterful "Why They Kill," which in addition to providing me enough rich material that I can now revisit an old story I'd gotten stonewalled on, leads me to understand a lot more about what goes on in my own brain. We all talk to ourselves. It's a condition for understanding the world, understanding each other, and understanding ourselves. There's a constant monologue in our heads that interprets incoming data, compares it with what's stored inside us, makes decisions, comes up with answers. Without that monologue, we wouldn't have emotions. We would have physical sensations and physical reactions. Emotions are the stories we tell ourselves to gain a deeper understanding of why something is the way it is. You just have to look at how different stimuli produce differing reactions - we both feel the pits drop out of our stomachs, our hearts racing, and the blood pounding in our heads as we stand near the edge of a cliff. You tell yourself you're scared of being up so high; I get a guilty thrill of excitement imagining suddenly being able to fly off the edge, and a third person is having a genuine panic attack. Same stimulus, same physical reaction, different emotions. Different narrative. That's why futility is so overrated. What one person sees as a permanent set-back another could, or could choose to, interpret as an opportunity to learn. You can change your reactions by consciously choosing how to interpret your physical reactions and place them in emotional context. I know, I know, it ain't that easy. But I spent a lot of time futilely (that word!) trying to avoid anyone who was negative. I didn't think I could take any conversation that centered on how impossible it was to break into the industry, how everyone gets rejected a million times, how it's impossible to make a living unless.... unless.... The conditionals were always set out so it was impossible to meet them. Unless you have an "in" with a producer. Unless you have family connections. Unless you're built like a supermodel. Unless you're willing to compromise on every point. It's all bull. Those "unlesses" come from people who, whether they know it or not, have already given up. I was sliding into that mentality, until I realized something that made it essential to find a way back out: To wit - I can't do anything else. So it's either admit an entire life of futility, or realize that I can choose to associate with different people, listen differently, or just keep believing whatever I'm told. I also have to remember that I get great feedback from readers, from publishers, from producers, and from the person I respect most in the world. See? Futility ain't all it's cracked up to be. And not worth pursuing. What I Learned Yesterday - Thursday, September 27, 2007 I think I'm bored of television. It's premieres week, typically a time I'm at least marginally tuned in to. Some years, I've been hyper-aware even though I didn't own a TV myself, and ended up roaming the streets on particular nights looking for a bar that would flip a TV over to NBC please - just for an hour. . . they're out of the playoffs anyhow... But, strangely, I think I'm bored of TV. The new Patricia Heaton/Kelsey Grammer sitcom "Back To You" I gave another chance, but its appeal lasted all of two minutes this week. Something about the "meteorologist" character... I just can't take another female in short skirts who's obviously been added for sex appeal, especially in this case where they keep making it a point that she's fully aware that's what she is, as though somehow her complicity absolves the writers from having to add her. I found myself zoning out during the "CSI: Miami" premiere as well. Maybe it was the revelation about yet another hidden family matter that, I guess, is supposed to make us care more deeply about David Caruso's Horatio. But I end up instead flashing back to the only thing I've ever enjoyed about Canada's "Comedy Inc" - the dead-on Caruso parody that's becoming a staple. Pose, remove glasses. Cock head. Hilarious. A little too dead on. So TV's just not grabbing me. But I spent a great couple of hours yesterday afternoon with a good friend who's a writer, comedienne, and all-round very funny person. That was a lot better than TV. We talked a lot about MAKING TV in the course of our conversation, though. We're both developing series, and got talking about the changing faces of all the media. It's not a network world any more, although the networks themselves have been very slow to recognize that. It's a world where you can go out and raise some money, shoot a show, post it on the Internet -- and maybe never take your "TV" show to the medium where it ostensibly belongs. YouTube has demonstrated one thing above all -- people are capable of making their own entertainment. YouTube has also shown that there's a big difference between "Dog on Skateboard" and, say, "The Sopranos." Just because you have a cellphone camera doesn't make you Scorsese. But the season is open on television in more than one way. I think I'm bored of TV because it isn't doing what I want it to do anymore -- I'm not feeling involved with my own entertainment. Maybe it's less about TV and more about my own development. I'm not content to sit and watch. I want you to watch MY content. So I'm taking the boredom as a good sign. But I'm looking forward to "Smallville" tonight. Please, don't disappoint me. Folkloric Moment Can't tell you how it came up, but in my favorite coffeeshop yesterday I found myself telling an old folktale. Stop me if you've heard it before: An old woman tries to cut the holes out of her blanket, but they just keep getting bigger... Best Bit of Book Knowledge Still reading the book "Why They Kill" about violence and why people commit heinous acts. Best thing I learned yesterday: Most of those "primitive societies" apologists hearken back to as models of peaceful co-existence were actually intensely brutal, as was almost every society preceding the modern Western world. Women were less valued as human beings; men were more brutal. And the court system -- the concept of "sue the bastard" -- actually came out of an attempt to centralize brutality to the government... and replaced "kill the bastard," so it's a GOOD thing, as Martha would say. What I Learned Yesterday - Wednesday, September 26, 2007 I've always been a bit of an abnormal psychology buff, a subject you may have already gathered from yesterday that I think I have a certain vested interest in. What is life, anyhow, but trying to figure out just what the heck all that stuff is in your own head and what it's supposed to be good for? I know, I am utterly certain, it has nothing to do with the fact I share a birthday with Ted Bundy. That is totally irrelevant. I share a birthday with Scott Joplin too, and you don't see me playing piano every day. Hang on. I do. Well, I share a birthday with the publication of "Origin of the Species" too. So I'm at least as likely to be interested in psychological profiling because of the nature/nurture debate as because I want to make sure Ted and I have nothing particularly significant in common. I started reading what I already consider to be the only truly important dissection of abnormal psychology I've ever read last night. Unfortunately, I began about midnight and, true to form, was not able to stop again until about 3. That's something I should learn some day - how to NOT start a fascinating book just when I should be thinking about going to bed. Especially when I know noisy construction is going to start on my balcony early the same morning. So - the book: "Why They Kill," by Pulitzer Prize winner Richard Rhodes, about the work of ground-breaking criminologist Lonnie Athens. Athens, raised in a violent environment himself, became fascinated to understand not just why others respond to such an upbringing by being violent themselves, but WHY HE DIDN'T. It's a question I ask myself sometimes. I tend, as I said yesterday, to quash my own feelings and ideas rather than express them. I know that it takes a LOT to rile me, but when I do, I am explosive. I have been capable of violence a very few times in my life, but those instances frighten me. What lurks inside me that makes me capable of lashing out? Athens's dissection of the creation of someone so capable is at once terrifying (personally) and comforting (on a larger, societal level). He comforts me by showing that most of us make decisions on how to act that are based on what amounts to a preoccupation with common values: we decide not to react with excessive violence because we are afraid of consequences, because we believe it doesn't work, because we hear the voices of disapproval in our heads, created over a lifetime of learning. It scares me because I understand that in those cases when I have been violent, I was never out of control. I weighed the evidence before me, and came to the conclusion that to lash out physically was the most appropriate response to the current situation. People who are violent choose that option more frequently. That's it. Scary stuff. And humbling. It means that we are never NOT responsible for our actions. I don't mean that in the pop psychology sense of "taking responsibility for hurting people" etc - I don't mean that we don't have some mystical kind of obligation to the world to make up for what we do or suffer Karmic consequences. That's a personal matter, and our beliefs on that particular point vary. But we are RESPONSIBLE for our actions, in that we don't do things we don't mean to. When we lash out, we have decided to respond that way, even if we know it's probably wrong and will probably cause damage. We decide it. Athens removes our fall-back position of "I was out of control," and clears up that nagging problem constantly arising in criminal cases - if you knew what you were doing, you're insane. If you were acting in passion, you were temporarily crazy, and therefore not as culpable. That means I can't write off any of my worst behaviors to something outside myself. I choose my own responses, violent or more socially acceptable, excessive or measured. That's scary. For more about abnormal psychology for writers, read my most recent article in the "Writer's Way" section. What I Learned Yesterday - Tuesday, September 25, 2007 I was having a lot of fun yesterday figuring out how to record from cassette onto my laptop - I'm uploading some music my friend Alison wrote for a short story of mine, and I'll post it soon with the story on the website. It got me thinking about what I was doing and saying back then, when I was at art school, living on my own, dating this guy who was 6'9"... Made me realize I've spent a lot longer in my life covering up what I think and believe, assuming I'm going to suffer for what I think, than I have just saying it out loud. All my life I've been what I guess I can call, for lack of a better term, a "true un-believer." I've actually been quite satisfied to hold two contradictory beliefs at the same time, which you may imagine made me a valuable debate partner at school. What does this mean? Or... what does this mean, exactly? In a word - qualified because I can't quite bear to define myself absolutely this way - a kind of spinelessness. From a very early age, I was obsessed with learning, with information - and probably a bit less with understanding. It's likely that I was in fact substituting a need to place information in context with the belief that just having as much information as possible was an appropriate end in itself. Might have come out of an early realization that there was, effectively, a whole lot to learn. I think now it was more of an attempt to grasp some kind of control in a world I didn't understand and couldn't navigate with any kind of cohesive comprehension. The world to me was a strange and disjointed place. From a very young age, I was interacting with adults, and enjoyed their conversation. Naturally, however, I was socially isolated from these older people: last thing I wanted at twelve was a sexual relationship with an adult, I'm sure you'll be glad to hear. But that didn't stop me from only wanting DIScourse with adults, even if INTERcourse wasn't on the radar. I didn't find a hell of a lot to talk about with kids my own age from the age of ten or eleven on, and that, really, has never changed. And the result, because I wanted, if not to fit in, at least to not be obviously out of place in either the adult or adolescent world, was to pretend I had either no opinions, or strongly held but contrary ones depending on which ocean I was swimming at a given time. The spinelessness came from the realization that I no longer was sure what, if anything, I really believed. At least, I was able to hide my beliefs so effectively so as to not cause discomfort that I ceased to have any perspective on when to speak my mind, and why. So now, I'm on a major quest to reeducate. Myself. My "true un-believer" self. I need to believe in one thing, and say it out loud. 'm still operating on the assumption that people have to be protected from me, and from my ideas -- and that the person who has to be protected the most from me IS me. Gloves are off! Jen's Larry David Moment Had to deal with a minor credit card crisis today. I knew I was going to be at a disadvantage when I called my financial institution, because I always feel like I've got to beg for my own money. Comes from a long-standing problem with authority & money, I think. So I decided, enough's enough. I'm going in, guns blazing, ten times more confident than any prize-fighter. So I called up and did this head of a Fortune 500 owner of a corporate jet impersonation to the agent, and before I knew what was happening, he was eating out of my hand. Then my boyfriend came home, and I was still doing my power gal impersonation, and he ended up getting a bit insecure that I got stuck dealing with something instead of him, and thought I was angry with him and he got about as nervous and embarrassed as I've ever seen him. I had to get off the phone and explain it was all just a calculated act. I have to admit, though, it felt good - and it felt real, like it was a good part of my personality to explore. Jen's TV moment Haven't watched a lot of the Rick Mercer Report, but today I saw an episode that got me laughing so hard - Mercer, in an effort to improve their image, takes the Leader of Canada's Green Party out into the woods to cut down a tree with a chain saw. I howled - they were both brilliant, and it was at once one of the most informative and one of the funniest things I've ever seen on television. Almost up to last night's full hour Family Guy tribute to Star Wars, and that's saying a lot. What I Learned Yesterday - Monday September 24th 2007 Kids can teach you a lot of things. I was babysitting my friend's 2 year old son today for a bit and everytime I do this, I walk away learning so much. We were playing on the street today where actors were coming in and out of various buildings doing auditions as we waited for Mommy to come out of her audition. First off, I have to hand it to actors. They walk into a room like they are a lobster in the aquarium at a seafood restaurant as people pick through the glass figuring out which one they want to eat. They do their stuff and walk out not really knowing whether they were any good or not. I observed various actors walk into these buildings with that confident/scared look on their face and walk out feeling more relieved that it's just over than anything else. I can't imagine ever doing something like this and I respect actors more after today. So we were playing on the street and I was teaching the 2 year old bundle of energy how to throw a frisbee. Well, I never learned how to throw a frisbee myself in all these years (I avoid beaches) but I've seen people do it and I know what's suppose to happen. So in order for me to teach the kid how to throw, I had to teach myself first. And in order for me not to disapoint him, I had to learn fast. So I went back to my memory banks and remembered how people did it. I learned how to do it because I had to. And then I taught him and he threw a beautiful throw which made my happiest I've been this month. So I learned a lot about myself and about my problem solving skills because I had to learn something right away. This reminded of the happiest moment of my life: I was taking this Leadership course in High School. It was one of those classes that was intense as we did things like going on Canoe trips in the wilderness without any smell of human life around, Rapelling classes, Mountain climbing trips etc... Looking back it was probably the most important class I took in high school as it taught me to be a man while also learning the skills of leadership. One of the other things we had to do was become a Big Brother to someone who was in a special needs class. I was a big brother to a Chinese girl named Yukka who suffered from Celebral Palsy and had a condition where the left side of her body suffered 50% paralysis. Yukka and I became interesting friends as we were both from different worlds and she never met anyone before who challenged her so much. I guess I was doing for Yukka what I wanted others to do for me at this time. I wanted my teachers, parents, boss at the grocery store to kick my ass and push me farther than I knew I could. This wasn't happening so subconsciously at the time I did this to Yukka. I didn't treat her any different than any of the other kids and wanted her to do just as much as her peers. She hated me at first for this but then we grew to love each other after it was all over. The greatest moment of my life came when there was a bowling trip the class had. Yukka had a problem with bowling, mainly because I couldn't find a ball that was the proper size for her at the alley. But we tried and tried and soon enough after the 8th frame she was starting to knock a few pins down. She kept getting the lowest scores from all of her peers and was getting down. I told her to forget about everyone else and only care about you doing the best you can. Well what happened was something I never expected to happen. At the 2nd last frame of the last game of the day, Yukka knocked down all of the pins and threw a strike. Something only one other classmate was able to do all day. She did something better than all of her peers for the first time in her life. The immaculate strike happened like they would film a Disney movie. She looked at me with confidence and said that she was going to knock down 3 pins this time, setting a personal record. I told her that she'll do it and when she rolled the ball I got scared as it was heading in the gutter. Then the ball roll to the other side heading for the other gutter. Then the ball roll again to the other side and then it stopped right in the middle as it rolled down the lane. It hit the pins and one by one every pin got knocked down. I swear that from the time she threw the ball until all the pins dropped took just over 2 minutes to happen. It was the slowest roll in the history of bowling. Yukka jumped up and down and I just started to cry. She set out to just knock down a few pins and by doing that and never giving up, she knocked down every single pin. Happiest moment of my life. And it changed my life too as it taught me that I could accomplish anything I wanted in my life. If Yukka could do more than what she's capable of, then I should at least be able to get the best out of myself. The strike that changed my life taught me to keep pushing myself until I can't push no more. And if a 2 year old can learn how to throw a frisbee in 10 minutes than we adults should be able to do so much more every single day of our lives. What I Learned Yesterday - Sunday September 23rd 2007 Top 10 Things I Learned this Week: 1. Never trust someone who blinks more than the average person would. Let's just say that I find after analyzing over 20 people who blink a lot that they never speak the truth or are very nervous what they are saying. 2. As Willie Nelson says 'You have to know when to walk away'. I still haven't mastered this yet. I either leave too early or walk away from things too late. I learned that I have to be aware of this and make sure I know later on. 3. Just like Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein who helped expose the Watergate scandal over 30 years ago, the pen is still mightier than anything else. We can succeed and compete against anything if we just push with our thoughts and bring them out to the world. People will come if you just keep going. The core idealisms of the American Dream are very much true. 4. Going out and catching a live band perform picks up your energy for a good day afterwards. 5. David Cronenberg is probably the best all around filmmaker working today. I look back and think about a lot of bad movies that would of been great if he directed them. I aspire to be like him as he understands every aspect of human nature. 6. I am losing my grasp for the days of the week as soon as I started writing this column instead of my personal journal. I used to remember say two Monday's ago for example like it was yesterday. Now all of my memories are being bungled together. I need to start writing my journal again to go with this column. 7. As I said yesterday. People motivate me and force me to do things like nothing else. 8. I cook the best Chili in the world. If there was a Chile contest, I would win. I am not great at anything yet but I'm great at making Chili. 9. I'm pretty good at organizing but I'm not great at it yet. In order for me to succeed on a higher level, I must get more organized. 10. All of my dreams will come true. I'm starting to see it. What I Learned Yesterday - Saturday September 22nd 2007 People motivate me. People pick up my energy and just make me want to be shot out of a canon. People force me to stay focused and get things done. Most of the things I've done in my life is because people have just pushed me to do it. I just get sparked by people. I have been resting on this story for about a week as I'm in the midst of a rewrite. It's getting tough to get through because I'm almost there and pushing myself over the mountain is always the toughest thing to accomplish. That last 10% in anything (the last 10 pounds you lose on a diet, the last 3 miles when running a marathon, the last 2 hours in a paper pushing job on Friday), is always the toughest. Especially during rewrite time as you want to do anything else beside the writing which you need to do. But people just do it for you. I received an email from the lead actress in a film I Directed, NOSTALIGA. She's been kind of a muse for this story as the lead character is very much like her. She wanted to know about the rewrite. Just hearing from her forced to me to sit down and finish my rewrite. It's as simple as that. I wanted to do it for her and I wanted to do it for me because I just needed to do it and push myself. But that email was all I needed. It's that simple sometimes. Larry David Moment At the movies yesterday. I sat down in the exact seat I wanted and was ready to enjoy the show. Then some big guy sits right in front of me. The previews are almost over (ever notice how fuckin long these things are now!) and I don't have time to move and find another seat. I'm pissed. I'm 6'3 and I need to move my legs and this guys has forced me to keep my legs in the same spot during the entire film. I need to push my legs against the seat in front of me etc..... My movie experience is ruined when people sit in front of me. In the future when I have money to spend, I'm going to purchase two tickets. One for me and one for the seat in front of me. Sports Watching Moment Jays/Yankees game was a great great last night. Jays have won 4 in a row against playoff teams. Where was this team in May? What I Learned Yesterday - Friday September 21st 2007 I still don't know when to stop. I want to keep going and then I get tired, but then I still keep going before I end up completed exhausted. Then when I'm completely exhausted I want to keep going until I pass out. Then I pass out and get back up until I pass out again. And so on and so on. I'm still not understanding that rest is a good thing. It lets you think through things and it's doing your body and mind a much needed favor. Problem is that I'm still selfish with myself as I just don't take care of myself enough. I want to be like those football coaches who work 18 hours a day and never go home. I guess I am a bit like that but my body just runs out of energy. I want to get on that high all the time (naturally of course) where I'm feeling so excited about things that I don't even need to sleep. I've had those moments in my life and it feels great but it never lasts longer than a couple of weeks. So now I just have to tell myself to relax, sleep for as long as I like and just enjoy my life by doing nothing. In 1999 I was backpacking throughout Europe and in my stop in Amsterdam I befriended a couple there. They took me out for dinner and showed me some of the non-tourist sites of the city. During a dinner, the guy looked me up and down and said he finally figured me out. "You're going to have an exciting life." he said to me. "But there's 12 problems you have and you need to take care of it." Curious I asked what those were. He leaned back and calmly said to me. "You need to learn to relax, relax, relax, relax, relax, relax, relax, relax, relax, relax, relax. And just relax. Then you'll figure out what you need to figure out." I laughed and really thought what he said. His advice really helped out the rest of my trip as I was having some anxiety traveling through Europe by myself. But I just learned to relax and all of the right doors opened for me. This is advice I need to be reminded of now. Those 12 words of advice is something that I must always remember because I am very much too into working. That said, I wish most people I know would relax less and work more. Larry David Moment I decided to not shave and I love my beard. But I know I am prettier without and I need to shave it off eventually in order to play the game so to speak. The next time I'm scheduled to go on TV, I have to shave it off. It's just the way it is now as I'm not powerful enough yet to just let myself go and still have people pay attention to him. That's what I strive for. I work my ass off just so I don't have to shave or get my hair cut and I get to wear whatever I like. Some guys do it to get the girls, some for the glory, some for the money. For me it's all about growing as much hair as I want! Sports Watching Moment The National League is a better game but man oh man the American League is just so much more exciting now. Better teams, better drama, better players. It's not even close. What I Learned Yesterday - Thursday September 20th 2007 I have no patience at all. And it gets me in trouble more than I want to think about. In fact, I can also be a real jerk and not a very good person because of it. I was at the bank and the person I was dealing with was being very slow with the paperwork and I wanted to get out of there. My personality changed slightly and I became more of a jerk than I really want to think about or really admit to until now. My girlfriend pointed out in anger the other day that I am an asshole to people sometimes when I'm in a rush. We were going into the baseball game and the tickets we had wouldn't scan properly. So we had to go back to the the box office and get new tickets. I lost it a bit on the ticket taker because we missed the first pitch. Problem was that it wasn't their fault or no one's really and I pushed my negativity on them. Which just isn't fair. I apologized later to the ticket taker and vowed I wouldn't let my impatient emotions get the best of me. Then I did it again yesterday and now I don't like myself too much. I do know that my impatience is a good things a lot of the time. I act fast, don't stop and want to get things done right now. But it's also a very bad thing at times too and I need to learn to handle it. I know that 95% of the time people don't need to be treated badly. Especially people who are not the person you should be forcing your frustration on. This is a society of middle men on top of middle men. It's very rare that you can actually shoot the real person and not just a messenger. When these moments of impatience happen to me I must learn to look to my sides, up and down to see if I can learn something that's around me while I'm waiting. It's as simple as that. Larry David Moment I love taking baths but when I take them I seem to never want to get out of the tub. Especially when I have a good book to read. But showers are just so much better because it's faster and more efficient on the washing my body side. Decisions everyday like this make me batty. Showers or baths. Baths or showers. Sports Watching Moment Jays/Red Sox game was one by the Jays 6-1 is a fantastically played game on the Blue Jays part. My gambling friend I met yesterday was very wrong. The Sox are going down as the Yankees are coming up. Wish Toronto was a part of this mix. One day, one day. What I Learned Yesterday - Wednesday September 19th 2007 I have to admit to myself and to everyone else: I am a big time gambler. I like to gamble on anything and everything. I play it enough to not lose too much to cost me my house or car or anything but at the same time that could happen. But that's the way I want to live my life and I want to gamble at everything while making sure that enough odds are in my corner. The trick is to stop when I'm just not feeling it and that is the art of gambling. If your instincts are off, don't play. Simple as that. In sports gambling for instance, the boys in Vegas set the odds and they are not dumb people. I heard that they go through over 200 variables for each game to set their odds. When they decide their line, there's been a lot of thought made because the house always wins. That's the trick of gambling. You know that most people will lose so you have to make sure you're one of the 10% who wins. And that's the trick to life in a lot of ways too. You ask for you shall receive I've been learning to trust my instincts for the last 5 years. Figuring out my inner self and what I am actually thinking about. When I was 15 I had things mastered. I could pick 8 out of 10 games easily a day (if you lose 3 or more games out of 10, you lose. You must play at 70% to be in the game and that's almost impossible to do on a daily basis). Then life got the best of me, I took the wrong advice and I lost it. For half the days in a month I have it. I understand and feel what's the best thing for myself. I know when to make the right choices, the right people to talk to and the right street to drive down in order for something 'lucky' to happen to me. If I think hard enough, I usually get what I want. Yesterday I wanted to talk to an expert of the Vegas odds as I'm fascinated by it and low and beyond I sat beside a guy at a coffee shop who was an obvious heavy duty gambler. I got to talking to him and he told me a lot of inner secrets. Which got me to thinking about what I'm talking about now. It's just those days where I don't feel it. In the first week of the NFL season, I was right on picking 4 out of 5 games. Last week I was so sure that Indy would cover the spread against Tennessee I was literally shocked they didn't. Thank god the weekend was a push since I won big in College Football on Saturday. But my instincts got the best of me. The trick is to separate the difference between what you really want to happen with what will happen. And then push that 6th sense of energy that we all have to influence our final results. There of course have been things written about what I'm talking about and a lot of it is true. But that's the difference. I can wake up and say I want to have a $500 bill in my hand and if I keep thinking about it, it will happen. That's the amazing thing about life. But the trick is to make sure that the $500 bill for one is real and not phony and also that it's yours and not someone elses. And that's how the world can play tricks on you. You can get everything you want but sometimes it's not exactly what you thought you wanted. It's like when I was 18 years old and I wanted that pretty blond in my computer class. I was out of her league but I pushed and I pushed and I manifested until I got her. But what a mistake that was as she was the worst human being I've ever met not to mention a person who had no understanding of sex at all to ever pleasure me at least in that way. But I wanted it and I got it and then I regretted it. I think we all do get whatever we ask for and a lot of times that's a terrible thing. The trick is to make sure you get the right things. Like the Cowboys covering over the Bears this weekend. Every instinct I have says Dallas will cover the 3 1/2 point spread. That's my lock of the week. Larry David Moment Yesterday it was Larry David himself. 6th season of Curb Your Enthusiasm in on the air and that Masterbation episode this week was truly a classic. Ah masterbation, one of the only things in the world where it's something everyone does but no one talks about. Sports Watching Moment Last night's Jays/Red Sox game was a fun thing to watch. The Sox are reeling but my Sport Gambling guy I met says they're a lock tonight. In fact he's so confident, I watched him wager more money on just this game than most people make in a month. I guess we'll see. What I Learned Yesterday - September 18th 2007 I am a white guy. I was brought up in an upper middle class area and got a lot of the benefits that comes from living in that environment. Being that person I know my place in the world. My background is the main influence in how I look at the world now. And there's one thing I know...... This isn't my time in History Chris Rock recently said in an interview that he knows that every decision he makes now he's making history. He's aware that he's working in waters that haven't been discovered yet. He knows that he's plowing the cement for the next generation and he's very lucky to be where he's at. Susan Walker, WILDsound's May Film Festival Moderator and writer for the Toronto Star recently wrote a terrific article about woman in TV and film. She gave us stats about how this is the worst time for females working today in the industry. No other time has their been less woman writers getting paid to work than right now. We're now in the 21st century and the white man on top of the totem pole needs to stop and stop right now. This is silly and its time for different people to have power in this world. In my industry its time for much more female writers, directors, producers etc... people in the above the line jobs (which will equal more female driven films). It's time for minorities to to also get the higher up positions. I know we've come a long way. Just 100 years ago woman couldn't even vote. Just 60 years ago black people couldn't even play professional sports. But enough is enough and it's time to get those old white guys off their king chairs and putting new blood in its seat. I am a big time football fan. Most people know who Peyton Manning or Tom Brady is. Some might even heard of people like Terrell Owens and LaDamian Tomlinson. But people really don't know the names of the people who play the offensive line. The Offensive line consists of the people who make the skill players look good. They have a very important job on the field but they receive no credit for what they do. And the people who play this position want it that way. Us White boys are the offensive line of this generation. It's our job to work the line and make sure woman and minorities get the room to create their magic. That is what I realized and learned yesterday. I'm here in this world to push the envelope. Not the envelope for my own needs, but for others who deserve it. It doesn't mean I can't do the things I want to do, but I must be aware when I have the chance to do the right thing. Larry David Moment Yesterday I wrote about feeling isolated and received a lot of comments from people who feel the same way. I then realized that most people feel like I do probably and we're the majority. But why is the majority a minority in the world? It makes me more confused about things. And it makes me love life even more. Sports Watching Moment Ah I love watching football. Last nights Monday Night game wasn't the most entertaining game but it was still better than watching my Blue Jays play out their complete underachieving year. Of course they are winning big now. There's no pressure anymore. What I Learned Yesterday - September 17th 2007 Yesterday I talked about Happiness and asking yourself everyday whether you are happy or not. Well yesterday I woke up and I wasn't happy. First off, my instincts are completely off. I didn't feel it and I am questioning my every decision. I guess it starts with me feeling frustrated about things and I now know why. Feeling that sense of isolation I don't really feel comfortable in many places with people these days. It's never really been like this before but these days I don't seem to be having the proper conversations with people that I should be. People in my life seem to be going through different things and not really interested in what I'm feeling and vice/versa. This is a shitty feeling as I haven't felt like this since high school. I know there's many people out there just like me who are feeling this and it's part of our individual loneliness towards the world. Right now I feel like automobile driver in the early 20th century being around horse riders who hate me for driving a car. I am searching for the right people in my life but I guess I'm looking in the wrong places or not smart enough when the right people come along. I think one of my biggest problems is the continuing fears I have towards people helping me. I have done things pretty much myself most of the time and have been on a individual journey to obtain my goals, so it's hard for me to all of a sudden to trust the people I need to trust in order for me to get the things I need to get. Because if I don't climb that mountain higher, I just won't be a very happy person. That's the type of person I am. I need to constantly grow and learn in order for me to be happy. I am not afraid of being alone. But I'm afraid of being with mentors who can help me out. Mentors are what's needed for anyone in life. We all need them and some are much more fortunate than others in finding them. But others are just persistant in pursuing them and that's what kind of person I need to be too. Too much going on in my brain sometimes for my own good. I'm just juggling a lot and not receiving the proper advice and feedback in what I'm doing. Either because people don't understand it, don't really care or just aren't receiving the proper communication from me to understand. Larry David Moment I was running up the stairs yesterday to my apartment while also listening to music on my iPod. I like to do this after my worksout and run to the 23rd floor as it's a great way to burn calories. I was singing along to this song and I guess I was so loud, I disrupted someone in their apartment. These walls are think so I must of been singing along really loud but I don't know how loud because I can't listen to myself sing with the music blasting in my ears. This happens a lot and it's funny when it's someone else. I remember last week at the gym someone was listening in their iPod while working out and got so involved in the song, they sang along with it without even realizing it. But the entire gym did as we could hear her screaming a Cyndi Lauper song. Talk about funny but really embarrassing for her when she finally realized it. Sports Watching Moment At a baseball game yesterday. You ever notice that professional athletes have this incredible way of spitting. I wish I could spit as profoundly as them. Do they take a course to spit so cool? What I Learned Yesterday - Sunday September 16th 2007 Top 10 things that I learned this week: 1. At the Blue Jays/Yankees game on Tuesday. They had a tribute for the anniversary for September 11th. Noticed a couple of things. #1 - A-Rod alway knows where the camera is. All the players were brought onto the field to stand beside a member of a Fire Department worker. A-Rod was at the end of the line and noticed that there wasn't any cameras where he was at. So he ran to the front where Jeter, Torre, Rivera etc. were so he would also get himself on camera standing next to a fire-fighter. If you're prime time then you need to stand where it's prime time. #2 - Our seats were right behind the Yankees bullpen. During the 7th inning stretch they played 'America the Beautiful' which is a tad silly since we were in Canada and is America really that Beautiful? Especially in this time of coruption and being in a war they shouldn't be in killing thousands of those beautiful Americans. Some people chose not to stand up and many people were angry at those people. But the Yankees team especially was really upset. More shocked really as they couldn't believe it. There's a lot of talk going on during a game in the bullpen but politics I guess isn't one of those things they talked about. Talk about a group of people drinking the government kool-aid. And those are the people who should be the most aware as they are the ones who are in the limelight. Don't get me wrong as there are a lot of good things about that country: mainly the people. But there's no way America the Beautiful needed to be played at a sporting event in Canada, no matter what the day was. 2. Had dinner with my parents on Tuesday for my birthday. We're now at that stage where we are talking about WHY things happened when I was growing up. I understand my mother a lot better now. She was 28 years old and had 3 kids but no identity. She felt like she didn't know who she was and what she suppose to be doing in her life. I understand a lot now growing up as my mother was going through a huge crisis and also trying to be a mom too. That's hard to do. And any mother who says that there identity is being a mother probably is worse a mother than my own mother was. Life is bigger and more important than that isn't it? 3. The world is a lot better during the NFL football season. 4. The Graduate is one of the best movies ever after seeing it again this week. Talk about a film that still holds together and talks about important issues while also being very funny. 5. A lot of movies that were made in the 80's really don't stand the test of time. I think the 80's were a terrible decade for filmmaking. Almost as bad as this decade because this one's the worst by far. Take a look at the films that have been up for Best Picture at the Oscars in the last few years and then look at the films that were up for Best Picture in the 90's. There's a huge difference in the quality of film. 6. I realized that I've had four big relationships in my life. And all four woman have four things in common: they all have trouble sleeping during the night, they all read at least 2 books a week, they all have issues with food and they all had a father who was a teacher. Weird!! 7. Going for a walk at night settles my soul and it makes me organize all the ideas I have in my head. 8. Colin Cowherd's radio show on EPSN radion is the best show on the radio today. He talks about universal themes and issues in our present life using sports as an analogy. Smartest show on the radio too! 9. Writing is one of those things that becomes addictive. I remember 5 years ago I would struggle everyday to write something but knew it was necessary. Writing used to be a gigantic chore for me as I wanted to do anything else. But now I need to write various things everyday and it's now a part of me. I just realized my journey this week. Now I probably have another 5 years to get to the point where I'll actually be good. 10. I love my life and I'm happy most of the time. But people's comments on this blog are about me not being happy and people hope I have a better day tomorrow. It's strange because what I'm writing about is what's making me happy. I guess it's all perspective. I know there are millions of people doing things they love that I would probably kill myself doing. But getting these comments makes me actually ask myself if I'm happy or not. And that is a good thing because I should be asking myself that question everyday. What I Learned Yesterday - Saturday September 15th My father was an executive at General Motors and every 3-5 years there always was a strike happening with the Assembly Line workers that would last for weeks. All of the executives would have to meet up in a board room in a Hotel until the strike settled down because the picket lines wouldn't let anyone into work. These times were always a major thing for me because a lot of people I went to school with had fathers on strike. It was man VS the corporation with my dad on the corporation side. In my teenage years I rebelled a lot and one of my ways to rebel was to think like a far left socialist. I began working at a grocery with a union and I was very much into it. After a couple of years I became an assistant shop steward. I'll always remember the time I went up for a meeting to Toronto to meet with the union negotiators to discuss our expiring contract. I was expecting a very Liberal environment with the leaders wanting social justice for all. What I got was the exact opposite. I entered into a drug infested world of selfish human beings doing exactly what benefited themselves. These were negotiators who would take a bribe from the owners in a heart beat. The union itself was just as much of an corporation as the corporations they were always dealing with. I was reading the book Animal Farm by George Orwell at the time and this was just a total analogy of the analogy of the book. People begin things from a standpoint of good intentions but it always evolves into the exact same thing they're fighting against. Our union contract was terrible and this was the beginning of the retail empires mission to destroy the unions, which they essentially did and now we have the Wallmart and Home Depots of the world with no unions and paying 90% of their workers $8.00 an hour. GM is laying off thousands of workers now and so are many of the other companies with their blue color workers. The Unions got so powerful, they completely lost their initial focus and got greedy. Companies refused to pay white color wages to blue color work that pretty much anyone can do and they wanted to put a stop to it. It became personal and starting in the 80's, a collusion of sorts was formed to destroy all the unions. Which they've pretty much succeeded now. That's why Middle Class is almost gone from the face of our society. And that's why Corporations pretty much have a complete monopoly over our world. The unions lost because they entered a fight that they had no chance to win. If they just kept the negotiations at the same inflation hike each time, then the world wouldn't be in the mess that it's in right now. Tying to find my Political spot I've taken a lot of shots at the Right Wingers of the world in recent weeks and above I basically took some shots at the Left Wingers. I am not a Conservative but I'm also no Socialist. I pretty much think it's a political circle and these two are the same. The only difference is the Conservatives have money and the Socialists don't. During my teenage years I've met many a far left people. And being in this industry has forced me to meet many more. So.... I'm going to get myself in trouble here, but out of the 100's of socialist things I'm met, 99% of them are either lazy, or angry about the environment and upbringing they've come from and just think they are far liberals because they're thinking about their own angers of their past. These are generally not the people I can hang around with because they are so close to the world we are in and really don't see that human nature has a long ride ahead of them and this time we're in is really a spec of dust. We're hear to push the world further and having social justice just makes everyone standing on one spot twindling their thumbs. I am ready to die anytime and I am ready to be homeless anytime (I was for a week one time). The world is about taking chances and by doing that makes things very uneven. And by having things uneven, the world learns what it needs to learn. Yes some things suck and a lot of people get the short end of the stick. But that's how it's always going to be no matter what political system we're in, so let's get over it. I've been up and I've been down. Shitty things have happened to people I've loved. One time I had no money I couldn't eat for two days and I had my entire life's saving stolen from me (and I still haven't recovered from). But what the fuck. I'm one of trillions of human beings who've be living in this world. Who am I really? If the world learns and grows from it's failures and successes, then that's what it's all about. I am on my path to make the world a better place. And I have to know where I stand politically with the rest of the world. It's important for me to clearly know where I'm at and not have my past rich upbringing and my poor 20's living to influence me. I have to know what's best for the world with who I am now and who I'll be in the future. So this is what I thought about yesterday and by just thinking about this one question, I learned a whole lot. I'm no conservative that's for sure. I believe that group puts fear in people's souls to gain control and power. Creativity is stopped and so is open thought. There's just too much judgement happening and not enough individuality. It's like everyone is wearing the same clothes. I'm also no socialist. SEE ABOVE PARAGRAPH. Any group that doesn't see the value of competition and having winners and losers isn't the group for me. There's nothing wrong with failure and being down on your luck. This is the time where man learns the most about life and what it's all about. So I'm somewhere in between. I realized that I would vote Liberal in any election most of the time. But I'm more of a centralist as there are things to learn from the Conservative parties. Mainly, candor. They say what they want to say and believe what they say no matter how silly it usually is. So I'm in the middle of the circle but 10 degrees to the left. I don't think that will ever change either. So I now know my place. Now it's time for move forward much faster. What I Learned Yesterday - Friday September 14th Is the world waiting for me? So my birthday passed and I'm going a tad nuts. I am now in the 4th decade of my life and I'm really giving things a lot of thought. My 20's were a really bizarre time looking back as I don't even know who I was anymore at 20 if I could be able to talk to myself then because I and the world has completely changed. For one I'm sober, so that's changes my observations a lot. I got married, then got un-married. The internet boomed, toppled then boomed again. Music changed and the way we listened to music changed. Cable TV now has contol over the networks. I lived in Niagara Falls, New York City, back to Niagara Falls and now Toronto. Everyone and I mean everyone has a cell phone with all of fixings. I worked at a Grocery Store, then in the Film Businees, 14 other jobs where I got fired at each one and now back in the film business. And basically technology is moving so fast while our society's moral cores seem to want the world to stay the same. As Eddie Vedder from Pearl Jam says in his song Cordorey which came out a few days after I turn 20: "Everything has changed, absolutely nothings change." When I entered my 20's the film directors were starting to take control again of the industry: Fight Club got made by 20th Century Fox which is owned by Rupert Murdoch!; a film that take shots at the guy who funded the film. Pulp Fiction and Dogma got made by Disney inside it's Miramax window. Guys in their late 20's, P.T. Anderson, David O. Russell, Wes Anderson, Steven Soderberg were getting final cut on their films! Nothing like this would happen now, I'll tell you that much. Granted, this was a time when the big 80's push of corporatism caught up in the 90's and people started to settle down. It made things easier with a Sax playing democrat sitting in the US Presidency steering the ship and pushing for moral change. The 90's were the era I grew up in and everything seemed fine and dandy. The world was changing in so many good ways and the creativity was flying everywhere. I fell in love with art as there seemed to be so many great movies that were made and distributed inside of the vibrant marketing Hollywood system. And the music was amazing with Nirvana, Pearl Jam and the rest raising the creative bar in Seattle. The corporations were making their money distributing the usual paint by numbers stuff while also a new wave of talent was also able to work within a system that marketed their work as well. It was the perfect formula where the same studio would make Fargo and Batman and Robin in the same year. Then the world completely changed, the Republicans got in office to restore the brainwashing/fear in the younger generation and we're still catching up from the neutral stop for free speech and sudden digital revolution that changes how everyone does their work. In 1997 most filmamkers were still using Steinbeck machines to edit their work. Now I bet most people under 28 don't even know what I'm talking about and what a Steinbeck machine is. In 2003 I Produced a short film for a company that cost $100,000 dollars. I can now do that same film for just under $20,000. CD's are almost extinct as artists are now worried about have one or two singles instead of making an album of 10-12 songs that tell a complete themmatic. All of this has happened in just 10 years. The first decade of the 21st century seems to be all about some sort of figuring out stage. Everyone is trying various things to get ready for the next decade. And maybe that's what I've been doing all along: getting ready for the 2010 decade where we'll all be settled and able to work on large canvases again telling universal themmatics that the world needs. I'm sorry, but films have really gone to shit since 2000. People are saying a film like Little Miss Sunshine is a great film. If that film was made in say 1994, it wouldn't last a week at the cinema. I can name a dozen films on the top of the hat that were 10 times better than that film. I just watched this film Juno at the Toronto Film Festival (see review on this website. Eli nails the problems). They say this is the film of the year. It's a good film but not a great film because its themes are not that spectacular. We care but don't care that much because it's a film that's just not talking about things that are what most people are thinking about. And it's also not a new cinematic exploration like Tarantino, P.T. Anderson etc. were doing in the 90's. It's a basic film like Little Miss Sunshine was. Nothing to it as you walk away and forget about it 10 minutes later. I remember watching Pulp Fiction for the first time and being so blown away by it that I stayed in my seat and waited to watch it again in the next showing. Tarantino created a new world by stealing from Japanese and European 70's cinema and mixing it with the 90's flare for the drammatic and pop-culture. It was the art of nostalgia and present time rolled into one that 100's of other filmmakers have been trying to duplicate since. Tarantino is the perfect example of someone who is still in the 90's because they say he's made some film in this decade but all I've seen is some B-movies with no theme at all while they put his name on the end credits. Anyone really remember the ending of Kill Bill. I guess she kills him 4 hours later but why were we watching this film in the first place? To see the same choreographed scenes from Japanese movies with a blond girl doing them? Or listening to people talk and talk and talk about absolutely nothing in between? His new films tell the story of this decade in a nutshull. We all seem a tad numb and in Tarantino's case (and myself's too for a long time), too intoxited with hard drugs and alcohol that causes that numbness to really explore higher. I just went on a bit of a rant because I'm realizing that it's no one's fault as this has been a really fucked up decade so far. When you see a lack of progress in the arts, you see a lack of progress in humanity and our continuing push for understanding while trying to make the world a better place. Just too much has happened. It's like we're in the 1940's all over again. Many people have died from pointles means while many inventions have been discovered and made. And it just takes time to take things in. But remember the 1950's. A decade of tranformation and many a artistic discovery. The birth of rock and roll, the middle class system etc.. The world is waiting for me in a lot of ways. And by saying me, I mean us. It's a confusing time but it's also a time for planning so we're ready for a big creative push. In the 2010 decade I guarantee it's going to be the most important decade of humanity. And I hope I'm going to be in the midst of it as I'm getting ready for it. I thought I'd be farther along the path by now. I shouldn't complain as I'm on the path which is a good thing because this is really the decade of derailment. It's just a world now where I needed to re-learn so many things. I'm someone who got caught in the middle of a big shift. I am a guy who actually used a typewriter and Steinbeck machine in my day. I'm a guy who didn't know what email was until I was 20 and never thought in a million years that I would have a cell phone or a tiny little device that carries over 400 of my favorite songs. I grew up on record players which went to tapes which went to CD's and now to iPods. All in a span of 20 years. I'm very lucky to have seen so much in so little a time. Now it's time to see so much creativity and have us, the artists of the world take control again of this planet. Because I can tell you right now, we have no control at all anymore. That's just my two cents and it's what I learned yesterday. What I Learned Yesterday - September 13th 2007 It was my birthday during this week and this is the time when I think about things the most. Bottom line what I learned is to step it up and be much more creative. I am in my 30's now and it's time to be an adult and take a huge chunk of this world as it's there for the taking. I went for a walk at night and ended up talking to a lot of people under 25 on the streets as I am in the midst of writing a story about a character who's 23 and I want to know what people in that generation are feeling. I asked about a dozen people what their passion was and I didn't get one concrete answer. Here were some of the answers I got: -To be a boss -I don't know -I'm scared shitless to ever think about that question so fuck off -To read books -Education -Being in school -To make a living -To be what I used to be Interesting answers. It lead me to think about my past and how I wanted these certain toys when I was 11 years old but was afraid to ask my parents for them because I was embarrassed I wanted them and thought they would judge me too much. I missed out on playing with those toys because I was just too afraid speak out loud what I wanted. I think this is an emotion that a lot of people feel. Being afraid to ask for what they actually want. It's hard admitting what you really want sometimes, especially when you're at a certain age and you're getting pressure from people. And you know that certain people won't like the hear the answer to what you want. So you settle to avoid conflict and to make things easier in the moment. But you sacrifice your future because you're not being true to yourself. One girl in particular I talked to knew exactly what she wanted but never actually said it out loud to anyone in her life. She was about to tell me but then looked at her friend and felt embarrassed. I just hope she finally expresses it before she hits a certain age and it's too late. I am almost there in terms of fighting all of my fears. And by doing that makes me the person who I really am. I really love myself a lot but I know people hate me for being me and that's the danger of being you. We all want to be loved and liked by people but the problem is that you can't be loved and liked by most people when you're yourself. At least that's what it's like for me. I generally like being alone but I also love to be in a relationship with someone (especially the right person) because it makes me a better person. But that person I'm in a relationship with needs to give me a lot of distance and alone time. This is just who I am right now. In the past I was a very social person, but I guess I'm past that stage and I am now very cautious who I spend my time with. And generally I like spending time with just me. I like doing a lot of things by myself but I like any other human being, need that time with others. But I know my limit of people time and when it's time for me to be by myself I leave. I learned late in my 20's to just say out loud what I want and not worry how people react to it. It makes for a better relationship too I guess because by doing this I seem to have accomplished the impossible by being in a perfect relationship with someone. We both are crazy and weird and we love each other because of it and we rarely argue or get mad at each other. And when we do it usually ends up very productive and I learn a whole lot. So in a nutshell I learned to just say out loud what I want and fuck what anyone thinks. The right people will come because it's like a lion roaring in the wilderness. The rest of the animals hear the roar and decide to come closer or to run far away. Talking to the under 25 crowd made me realize to roar much more and I'll come to my goals much quicker because the right people will come. What I Learned Yesterday - September 12th 2007 Last Wednesday, I started my week's blog assignment with a bang. My actress tells me she can't do the shoot the coming weekend. And would you believe - well do believe, cause it happened - this morning I got a call from my OTHER actress, telling me she was on hold for a national commerical that shoots THIS weekend andif she gets it she'll have to go. Now mind you I just spent 4 days replacing crew and switching everything from last weekend to this coming weekend. So I can admit to you that this news hit me fairly hard. I am an emotional person and tend to react from that place, but after last week, I was too exhausted to have any clear thought. What should I do? I love Traci in the role, but to change everything again? And if I did push the shoot it would be all the way into October because I had obligations through the next few weeks. Not only that but to push weekends again would cost me this time. I would definitely have to suck up the cost of insurance, which ain't cheap. I'd have to pay my DP now for the days he would have worked, since he canceled jobs for me. The whole thing could end up costing me somewhere around $3500. On the otherhand it had been very hard to find Traci. A friend said, "I can't believe in Los Angeles, you had a hard time finding a good caucasian actress." Well, again, believe it, cause I did. I take casting very seriously. I think sometimes it is an overlooked step in making a film. I don't know why, because thereis no real way to make a story come alive without talented, and appropriately cast actors. You can see the proof of that at any film festival. And the thing is, it is not just about finding a GOOD actress. Yes there are plenty of them. But to find a good actress that inherently has the qualities of the character youare seeking to have them portray? That is an entirely different thing. This because the character is lesbian and rather out about it despite it being 1906, there needed to be a sexual confidence that every single one of the women I auditioned was lacking...except for Traci. Then when you put her with Necar - forget about it. The moment they read together the chemistry flewoff through the camera. You can't buy that connection. So this was a truly difficult decision for me. Push or potentially have to recast. I chose to start looking for a replacement. And these are a few practical things I learned. Get your contracts with your actors upfront. Day 1. I don't care if you have to drive to their house to get them signed. You do it. Because that could have protectedme. I made the mistake that I hate when I see other people make. I didn't treat my film with enough seriousness. As a result I put my donors' money at risk. And that is the second thing I learned - that I have it in me to think like a producer and make decisions from a business point of view. We got donations from a number of people. Larger donations, smaller donations, a grant, lots of inkind support, facilitated by our fiscal sponsorship. The sponsorship and the donations were an implicit trust in me. These people and organizations were trusting me to be responsible with their money, and choosing tobite $3500, because I loved this particular actress, would not be responsible. So it was a good experience to have, because someday soon I am hoping I will be entrusted with a lot more than $12000 to make my first feature. So those are some practical things I learned through today, but in the end I go back to what I started with. Ultimately, you have to trust you will get what you need and everything happens for a reason. At 10:30pm, Traci called. It looks like they are going with another actress for the commercial. She is on board again and happy for it. So by taking my time and making the most practical and responsible decision, and having faith that it will all work out as it needs to in the end, I left the space open for Traci to come back in, and I get to have the two most perfect andcompatible actresses for my film. And the reason is the experience - the lessons learned. The chance to prepare myself better for when life gives me the bigger opportunity. Thanks for reading this week. I hope, in sharing my travails over prepping my little film that you might have learned something, were reminded of something you already knew or at the very least felt reassured that you aren't alone when things go wrong on yourproduction. Happy filmmaking. Jane Clark filmmcqueen@yahoo.com What I Learned Yesterday - September 11th 2007 Nothing's for sure until it's over. I have to say I am losing some of my joie de vivre over my short film. Don't get me wrong. I still love the script, I know my actors are going to deliver powerful, emotional performances, and the film is going to be beautiful and moving. But the journey toget there is beginning to wear on me. Grant you I am physically tired today. I finally got the wallpaper up. It looks gorgeous and time period appropriate, but it took all day long and now I am sitting here feeling a little beat. But that's not really it. I am just tired of things changing on me because of a lack of commitment or follow through or something. My AC called this morning. He left a message saying that because I changed my shoot dates he was now unavailable. Which is a bunch of whooie, because when I told him about the date changes last week, he said that was better for him and he was relieved we hadchanged it. Why couldn't he just say, "I got a better paying job, so I am ditching you?" That's most probably the truth. The fact that a) he didn't stick with his commitment to me and b) he lied, I just find really frustrating. But what is worse is my DP may now not be availabe on one of the days. He was waiting to cancel his hold jobs until today, just in case something happened. Meanwhile, his booking agent, thinking he was on board, went out and got him credentials for the Emmy's, which are very difficultto change. I can't push the production again. I simply can't, so he suggested he get a "buddy" of his to pinch hit on Sunday. I'm sure it will work out fine, but it isn't ideal in my book. Errgggh. I am just so frustrated and disappointed. I suppose it will all work out. What did I say earlier in the week, that everything eventually works out for the best? I suppose, no, no, I do know that. I think it is just difficult to be on the edge through this week, not being able trust that things I set in place are reliable. It just isn't my in my nature to live easily with that. But I guess I better learn. As everyone has been saying, "Get used to it. Shit like that happens all the time." What I Learned Yesterday - Sep tember 10th 2007 Sometimes it's good to just be lazy Wallpaper and Mimosas I woke up this morning feeling lazy. I admit it. I felt lazy, but my brain was saying, "there are things to be DONE!" It wasn't wrong, my brain. There were things to be done. For one I needed to wallpaper our guest room which is going to be the "study" for my lead character. That's a full day's adventure in and of itself. I had to book a production vehicle. I needed to finalize my shot list. My AD was coming over tomorrow expecting an organized list of things left to do. And that was just the beginning. "Later," I thought. First I will do the New York Times crossword puzzle. A sunday ritual. I really didn't think I would feel right without at least doing that. THEN I would get started on the wallpaper. I finished the crossword puzzle. (okay, I lie, I finished all but 5 clues). The plants needed watering, so I would just do that then get started on the walls. But FIRST! I needed to check and return emails. Then the phone rang. My friend, John, wondering if I was up for brunch in 1/2 an hour. "No," my brain said, "I am not. I have many things to do and I am running out of time." "Yes," my lazy mouth said. 3 mimosas and 3 hours later I came home. Now I can't start the wallpaper, cause I have a makeup artist coming over for an interview in 1/2 an hour. I'll start after that. I'll at least be able to get one wall done. The interview went well, I now had a few good choices and I could make my decision. The email goes out and a make up artist is on board. I could start the wallpaper then, but do I? No. The grass needs to be mowed and it is Sunday after all...besides, I did alittle work. I hired a crew member. The day ended and I hadn't dented my list of things to do. But I was relaxed, my shoulders had dropped down an inch at least, and there were still five more days to accomplish what needed to be done. The walls will be wallpapered with time to spare, and I am better for the not letting life rush by me in a swirl of to dolists. A little mimosa goes a long way. What I Learned Yesterday - September 9th 2007 Keep plugging away and good things will happen It's a small small small small festival world If you are a filmmaker what do you do? You make films, you submit films to festivals and when you are lucky enough to get accepted at a festival (and I say lucky, because that is part of it. If you think it isn't you are naive) you go to the festival. What do you do at the festival? You pass out postcards for your screening, maybe you talk on a panel, and you spend time with other filmmakers that are there, usually at the bar. Sometimes it can all feel kind of pointless. Very few festivals have markets, so you're not there to find distribution or an agent. Some festivals have remarkably low turn out for the audiences too. Sos ometimes you don't even get the satisfaction of a full (or even half full) house. I've actually met people who didn't even know what a shorts program was until I explained why they should come see my movie. But in the end some of what you are there for is the comradery. The bonding with other filmmakers. The sharing of stories, the commiserating over production problems, the bitching about how Sundance passed youover again. And maybe that's enough. But maybe that's not all. What you don't know is the long term benefits of befriending people you meet at festivals. My husband is up in Toronoto right now, writing about all the big movies with big movie stars who are there. That's what he does. So he calls me today to tell me about his evening last night. He raninto an acquaintance we met at at Cannes has a pretty powerful job at an indie production company. And that acquaintance suggested dinner and brought two women with him. After conversation it turned out both of them knew me from other festivals. And one was another filmmaker, the other was a progammer for a festival that I haven't screened at yet. And Bob told her about my new film and she asked him to have me send it to them. That means nothing really. They could still not screen it, but it didn't hurt. And I didn't even have to be there. Just the idea that my husband could meet two random people at a film festival that actually, it turned out, knew me, is crazy in itself. Or maybe it isn't. The fact that it might reap a benefit it great. Not that I didn't know that there was worth in attending the festivals. I wouldn't be writing this blog if I hadn't met Matt at the Bare Bones Film Festival in Oklahoma two year ago. But still it is nice to get the reminder that the time spent is notonly great for making friends, but sometimes extends further out into your career. What I Learned Yesterday - September 8th 2007 Have a passion project - people will come! OMG, crewing up can be a fulltime job I got up this morning, had my usual breakfast, a boiled egg on a piece of buttered toast with lots of salt. I have a salt fixation. I meandered out to my office prepared to sort through a few resumes from Craig's list, set up some appointments and find myself a wardrobe girl and makeup artist. (If you have been following, you know I lost hair/makeup and wardrobe after pushing my production a week. With a period piece, hair/makeup and wardrobe are REALLY critical.) I opened up my email and OH GEEZZZZZZ! there were close to 50 resumes for a basically non-paying, time intensive job. 50. That's 50 people willing to work for nothing, under high pressure. What do they do to make up the money they will lose working for me? How do they get there bills paid every month? I don't know the answers, but there they were. People with noexperience, people with some experience, a few people with more experience than seemed fair to still be working for free. Now in the past I have always hired through referrals, so I haven't been confronted by the mass of humanity wanting to work in film. But I am not surprised, I guess. I mean, I worked for free enough times as an actor, in order to get exposure and experience. Shoot, I work for free now as a director/producer. Forget for free, in the past I've had to PAY for the right to bea director/producer/editor/writer. In the real world, that is BIZARRE. I mean really. Any other business, there would be a salary for each day worked. That's sort of how it works. This is the only business I know where people are expected to be excited to work for free! Well, I selfishly am not complaining. It was a good thing for me to confront, because I desperately need a wardrobe girl and makeup artist to WANT to work hard for free. So it was a positive experience for me to have. But I can't help feeling somewhere inside me, kind of sad. Not just for all the people in a positionto have to work for free to get the experience and exposure they need to move forward, but sad for me,too. If I was a more pessimistic person it would cause me to wonder whether this mountain I am climbing is surmountable. Lucky for me, I am an optimist, though. And I found an wonderful woman to do my wardrobe who is excited at the opportunity. So it isn't worth examining...this business, the incongruity, the unfairness of it all. It just is what it is. And we do it. And maybe at the moment we don't make money. But we get artisticsatisfaction (and stuff for our reels/books). And we can still hold on to the dream we are chasing after, cause for a brief moment we are doing what we know we are meant to do. What I Learned Yesterday - September 7th 2007 Bad things are usually Blessings in disguise If you read my blog yesterday, you know I am making a new short film, to be shot (after being pushed a week) the weekend of September 15/16. I was struggling yesterday to regroup from having to change EVERYTHING and replace crew and locations because of an actor snafu. When you are in it, it is easy to wonder why? Why did this have to happen when everything was goingsoooo well? You wonder, and the answer is hard to see. But today, I got some clarity. * My steadicam operator admitted he was relieved we pushed, because his rig was in the shop and he was concerned it wasn't going to get fixed in time. (I am shooting practically everything with the steadicam) * The donated Panasonic HPX500 ( a really gorgeous HD Camera) was having problems with its firewire upload and had to go back to Panasonic to be fixed. AND the person in charge of my project at Panasonic decided I needed a better lens for the close ups I built into the film. That would have to be delivered, and theextra time gave me the chance to get that lens. * My Final Cut Pro Academic version was apparently incompatible with the commercial upgrade that Apple was selling (that would be, yes, the ONLY upgrade they were selling) and that I purchased. I had to get that replaced with an Academic Studio 2, the full install, which I won't get until Sat. and is necessary for uploading my footage. * The check I am supposed to get from my fiscal sponsor, Women Make Movies, still hasn't arrived and when it does it is going to get a five day hold put on it. That means if we shot this weekend I would need to pay everyone from the cash in my savings account. Not something I was keen to do. * And now I have all weekend to put the wallpaper up in the "study" set, which really is my guest bedroom. So in a very strange backward and upside down way, the need to push was a lucky stroke. Not something to fret, or struggle against, but something to embrace and be thankful for, no matter what difficulties it brought with it. I've turned my frown upside down and am looking forward to the next weekend. Meanwhile, does anyone know a place in Los Angeles that sells water pond plants and might be willing to donate them? cheers, What I Learned Yesterday - September 6th 2007 Production is an unreliable job. I am not talking about getting or keeping a production job. I am talking about the process of producing something. Today I had a lesson in the excellent unpredictability of a film project. I have a short film, that I am producing and directing. We were set to go on Sat. Day one of two days. I had my DP from my last project who I am really in love with as a talent and who is a great guy to boot. I had a full crew, including really experienced wardrobe and make up girls...very key because I am shooting a period piece. I had a lovely, beautiful romantic garden location (FOR FREE!!!). I had much of my equipment, goods and services for free. And I had really incredible cast. Two women with great energy and a very strong chemistry. I should have been breezing into the shoot days. Until last night. Last night I got a call from one of my lead girls. She had been on call for reshoots on "Lost". She was flown out last weekend to reshoot one, just one scene, and she figured the chances were minimal that she'd have to reshoot the reshoot. Well apparently the chances were better than she thought. And so she informed melast night. She was having to go to Hawaii over the weekend. My weekend. And what had been a charmed preproduction turned into a nightmare. Now I had to decide, should I push or recast. Logistically, I didn't have much time to recast, but more than that, the chemistry between these women (the script is a 5 minute period lesbian romance) was impossible to recreate, because it was innate. It was something undefinable and unmanufactured. And toachieve all I wanted to achieve in 5 minutes I needed that connection to be real, strong and powerful. So I opted to push. And in the process I had to pay my DP more money. I lost my fabulous make up girl. My wardrobe girl is still unsure she can free up. I most probably (though I haven't heard yet) lost the location in the garden that took me 2 weeks to findand was free of charge. I spent today piecing together what had been broken and I am still not back to snuff. What I learned from this devastation is that no matter where you are in the process, you are never safe from losing your stability. And because of that it becomes absolutely necessary to find the faith that it is all for the best. You can't change the facts, so find a way to see the positive. For instance, it gives me more time to get elements together that were still undone. Some things might never have had time to be finished. Also, the check I was expecting from my fiscal sponsor wasn't supposed to arrive, unfortunately until the end of the week. That meant I was going to have to use my own savings to pay the bills. Now the check will be here in time for next week's shoot. These are positives. There are more. I won't bore you with them. The point being, for every negative there is a positive and in the end when you have no choice, there is no point drowning in the problems. Every problem is solvable. So understand there will be changes, some great, some small, some positive, some negative. Absorb them, process them and move on. Personally, I need to let the disappointment and frustration have a little time to roil. But then pull yourself together and figureout the solution. That's part of the adventure called filmmaking. cheers, Jane Clark filmmcqueen@yahoo.com What I Learned Yesterday - Wednesday September 5th 2007 Yesterday I had a moment of clarity. Things all made sense to me: the world, people, myself. I realize that 99 out of a 100 things in this world are very good and unfortunately 1 out of a 100 is very bad. Sometimes I get fixated on just the 1% of the world and forget the good things. I learned yesterday to look at the love in life. See the good more than I see the bad. It's that simple. My journey is to make the world a better place and yes I will get lower the percentages of that 1% by the time I'm through with my life, but I need to still see that we're still in a pretty good place right now in human nature. One of our readers, Maggie, posted this message from yesterday's column that shed some light: I just thought I'd drop you a quick line to let you know that you did get it right When you get emotional you do indeed loose the reasoning power of your higher cortex – it's a fact – you can no longer access it for a time. This happens for survival reasons, but it can be pretty inconvenient in the modern world. In earlier times, when a man was more likely to be chased by a wild animal – fight flight or freeze was the difference between life & death! He didn't have time to think about what to do – it had to be instantaneous! Have you ever had a near miss when driving – it was that lightening reflex that saved you. If you'd had to think about it, it would have been curtains! However most of us no longer live in caves. If we are sitting an exam & we're really nervous it is very inconvenient if our mind goes blank. Or when someone really pisses us off it is usually not appropriate to lash out – even if we feel like it. We have to learn to calm down – to detach, to observe ourselves & as we do this our ability to reason & work things out returns. There are a number of well tried & tested ways of doing this – breathing techniques, relaxation & guided imagery, meditation, yoga etcAs far as negative thinking goes – well some people are just more pessimistic than others, but you can learn to look for the positive side to things – it's called reframing- putting a positive slant on things. It is really a case of discipline, changing a habit & using positive self-talk instead of the negative stuff we often hand out to ourselves – & I bet you are harder on yourself than anyone else! Happiness is, they say, a state of mind - & it is quite possible to change it if you want to & if you know how. I'm off for a week in writing this column as Jane Clarke will be filling in for a week. Should be fun. What I Learned Yesterday - Tuesday September 4th 2007 To continue on with my rants and seeing if I actually have some validity on what I think. This is what I learned yesterday. Yesterday was my HBO day. I watched a couple of commentaries of the Sopranos, two episodes of Big Love and the last episode of Entourage. Quality programming and just listening to the music they play in these episodes and how much they are paying for the rights to play them, makes you realize how much money they are spending on these shows in total. A whole lot of money. I am a big fan of the Sopranos and have learned a lot studying this show and listening to the creative team on what they have to say about storytelling. It's very well done but I was very disappointed in the ending of the series. David Chase, the creator didn't make a choice in my opinion but I can still say that it's the best TV show that I've ever seen. Chase does an interesting commentary in the Season 6 Part 1 12th episode on their DVD package. He basically talks about his critics without really saying it, especially the Internet forum writers who panned the last season. Chase defended his creation by saying all the things great about it. It was a weird commentary as Chase's DVD commentary's are some of the best in previous years. But this one was pretty terrible as he taught me nothing about storytelling. I kept waiting for something and all I got was an angry guy who seemed to hate all of the characters in the series that he created. It was probably a commentary that was much too soon for him to do. He was still in too much of an emotional state and should of given himself a year to do a commentary like this. His emotions weren't clear for him to use his brain at the top level it usually is. So listening to David Chase taught me a few things yesterday: #1 Don't give a rats ass what people think. Everyone is a critic and there's a lot to learn from everyone, but don't put it into your emotional psyche. I am realizing that I really don't care what people think. I listen to everyone and I think I'm at the level of intelligence now where I understand what advice to take and what to throw away. And I'm not emotional about it anymore. But when it comes to your own creative work, that's when things change a bit. I need to learn to not let things get to me because it is what it is. What does David Chase care what bob1123 says about his show? I guess he does. That's something I am now consciously putting into my system to not do. I get criticism all the time in this column. Most of the time it's valid and I learn from it. But I don't care what they think. There's a big difference. As long as I do my best, then what people think of my work is okay with me. I don't want to be a 63 year old man angry at people for hating my show eventhough I have completely changed the way television is done and my show will go down as one of the greatest shows of all time. #2 When you get emotionally involved, you get really stupid. Emotions are our greatest weapon. But when we begin to feel insecure about something and we begin to feel really sad about our worries and thoughts, we get retarded. You can't be at your best when your emotions take over your body. You're reacting on everything from your heart without using your brain in the assessments. The brain and heart must work in unison in order for total awareness and clarity to occur. David Chase is a very smart man who obviously understands human nature. But that commentary he did made him look stupid because he wasn't thinking with his brain at all. I used to by a really stupid person. My mother even still thinks I'm not that smart. It's because growing up I used to feel too much and react emotionally to everything. I was one of those kids who used to cry if any bad thing happened to me and I just wasn't able to express my thoughts properly. It took me years for my brain to catch up to my heart and now it's almost working in unison with each other. #3 Some people, including myself, can just never be happy And Chase is a guy who is just a guy who can't ever be happy. You see a lot of himself in the Tony Soprano character. People who are always looking for that ultimate goal of being happy. Tony fucks a pretty girl or eats his third sandwich for some sort of high and satisfaction. But there's a lot of self-loathing going on and a lot of sadness towards the world. Chase just completed the greatest fuckin show in the history of mankind and he's complaining about people not liking it. He's obsessed with it actually and it's bringing him down. There's always something to look at and spin it into a negative thing. And people like Chase and myself always just see that and not the good things that have happened. You make a movie for example and you see the final product and it's not perfect. It can't be perfect and that's how it is. But all I see is what's wrong with it and I don't see a thing about what' s right. I want to be happy but right now I can't because I always want more. I see this is Chase too and I want to change it. I want to enjoy life and challenge myself too. I wonder if I can do both at the same time. This is what I learned yesterday. Am I right? Just a footnote on the show Entourage. I understand why it's popular as it's a very addicting show as these are guys you can't help but not like. But it's also frustrating because some shows really suck as other shows are some of the best stuff on TV today. Take the Johnny Drama and Arie Gold characters for example. Obviously these are two over the top characters that people like as we all seem to like watching over the top characters on TV because we would never want them as friends in our real life. But these are two characters who just don't grow or learn so why are we watching them so much? They have no arc, no path and the more we see them, the more boring they get. Seinfeld's Kramer was great because we got him in bits and pieces. Can you imagine a whole show about Kramer all the time? You'd get the Joey show. The interesting characters are Eric and the movie star Vince. Two guys who are growing tremendously and you can see that their loyalty for each other is actually harming their own careers and life. Eric especially is a guy who's now holding back and ruining any good relationship and contacts he begins because of Vince. He's not trusting his instincts because he's scared of losing his friend, the guy who is the reason why he's now a somebody in Hollywood. But does that mean that he should always remain loyal to him even though he knows it's an unwise decision? Vince is a guy who's obviously got movie star charm and has a lot of integrity but really doesn't challenge himself like he should. Those guys breaking up is the best thing both of them can do for each other and this is the storyline I want to follow. I just hope they stick to this and let Drama and Arie be the supporting background characters that they were supposed to be when the series began. It's like the writers are listening too much to what their audience is saying about the show. What I Learned Yesterday - Monday September 3rd 2007 In a couple of days filmmaker Jane Clarke will be taking over this column for a week as she will writing each day what she learned while in the midst of directing a film. Should be a fun week. In the next couple of days I will go on a few rants because this is what I need to learn most of all these days: NOT TO TAKE THINGS TOO SERIOUSLY. But these are the 3 current things I want to learn from it and figure out why they get to my so much: Why do people who are waiting in line at a grocery store or coffee shot not prepare themselves for the cash out but wait until they get the price and then take 15 minutes to get out there wallet, count their change and finally give their money to the cashier? This never makes sense to me. I like to think of myself as a team player. If there's a lineup, it's my job in this society to be as quick as possible. Shouldn't we all be team players in our daily lives and just try to get things done in a quick pace and not hold anyone up? I hate if I waste people's time but a lot of people don't care if they waste my time. It really gets to me. And because I worked in a grocery store for many years and understand what a cashier does, it bothers me when I see SLOW cashiers. I know it's a shitty job and you don't get paid all that much. But please for the love of god pick up the pace because others care. And this is just a stat from my own personal experience. In my teenage years I've worked with over 50 cashiers who were in school like myself making some side money. The fastest cashiers are now some of the most successful people I know. They worked hard not to waste people's time and figured out life a whole lot easier than the slower ones did. The slower ones still do the same shitty job and have not learned their lessens yet. As soon as they become fast, someone will notice them and they will get a better job. I've seen this with my own eyes. This is just an example of how we can all work together and have a better overall life. But I could be completely wrong. It's just what I see. Why do people take the elevator if they are only going up 3 floors or less? Or take the escalater instead of the stair when it's just a quick walk? Are we that lazy? This is a good workout and a free workout. You can lose calories by just going to your destination by walking instead of taking the lazy train. If I see someone in my apartment press 3 when they get on the main floor, I am disgusted. I sometimes climb the stairs and I live on the 23rd floor. Give me a break. Living on the 3rd or 4th floor is a great gift you have received. What I great opportunity to lost 100,000 calories a year by just walking to your apartment. I wish I lived on the 4th floor. In Toronto, why doesn't anyone want to talk to anyone on the Subway? To me, this is the greatest opportunity to learn from people. Especially in the city of such diverse cultures. If people talked to each other, you can probably learn more in a week just riding the subway than a year's full course load in University. But people just don't want to talk and if you start up a conversation, 9 times out of 10 they look at you like you're a creep. I hope we evolve from this as Toronto could be the smartest country in the world if we just decided to talk to each other. It's why I drive everywhere now instead of taking transit. I want to take the transit but the negative energy is just too much. There's no harm either. You talk to someone for 5 minutes until they get to their stop. What will happen? When I lived in New York I used to talk to so many people on the Subway. I learned so much and felt comfortable living in the city because others were with you for that short period of time. I even picked up girls on the subway. No way that's happening in Toronto. I remember travelling through Europe too and meeting so many people in the Train and their Subways. People who helped you out because they knew you were a visitor. If you're smart, you know who you really shouldn't talk to. The scammers out for something. But those people are 1 out of a 100. They say Canada is a friendly country. That's total bullshit. It's a scared country that people think is friendly because they are so scared, they are just being overly friendly to you. It's like having a meeting with your big boss. You are a bit nervous so you over compliment them. That's Canada in a nutshell. Please comment and let me know what your opinions are: What I Learned Yesterday - Sunday September 2nd 2007 Ten Things I Learned this Week 1. Facebook is a creepy thing. People from your past approach you and you're at first uncomfortable about it and then it becomes addicting. An ex-girlfriend of mine from when I lived in New York approached |
