LEARNING OCTOBER 2007

These movies are probably my biggest influences and will always will be with me as I move forward in my life and career. Because I never get tired of watching them. And it's what I learned yesterday.

Larry David Moment

What do you do when you're in a great moment of thought as you are figuring out a good idea AND then someone you love is trying to get your attention? You're conflicted because you have to carry through your idea but the person you love might want you for something important. I have to go with carrying out the idea and blocking out the love one for a bit because that idea might never come back!

Sports Watching Moment

Is the Ellen DeGeneres Dog Drama considered sport? I think so and I find it very silly. It's a fuckin dog! Enough said.

What I Learned Yesterday - Wednesday October 17th 2007

FEAR is my main motivating factor.....

FEAR pushes me to do everything that I do.

FEAR makes me tick.

I fear failure most of all. I must succeed and it pushes me to go the extra mile. I am scared shitless at failing at something while at the same time even more scared to not do something. And I know logically that I will fail and it's actually a good thing because that's when I learn the most.....but I FEAR it.

Everything I do is motivated about me being happy. And in order for me to be happy I must challenge myself and then succeed in those challenges.

I am reminded everyday of the failures of my past and I don't like em!

I learned today how much I really am motivated by fear. I never really thought about it before until today. I was reading the Biography of former NFL star Jerry Rice today. One of the greatest players in the game. His book is all about how he obtained the success he had because he was afraid to fail. Every single game he played from high school to the pros, Jerry played to not fail. Never did the word success ever come into his vocabulary.

It really struck me as it made me realize that I'm the same way. It's all about not being a loser for me. Being a loser is defined to me in my own way and all I know is that I make every single decision in my life NOT to be that loser.

FEAR is what pushes me further.

Larry David Moment

I got worried that I was a jerk today because watching Ellen DeGeneres cry today on TV about some Dog business was really, really funny. If she only cared about human beings as much as dogs, she could actually have a positive effect in this world.

I felt sorry for her fans in the audience. Most of them have probably traveled miles to see their hero make them laugh in their once in a lifetime opportunity to actually be in the studio audience! Then they got her on this day!

Sports Watching Day

Go Cleveland Indians! Love to see an Indians/Rockies World Series.

What I Learned - Tuesday October 16th 2007

Curb Your Enthusiasm is my favorite show on TV

I usually end each day with my Larry David moment segment as I detail the great irony moment of my day. After watching the recent Curb Your Enthusiasm episode I now have to admit it's one of my favorite TV shows of all-time.

In the first 6 episodes of season 6, this is what Larry David has made funny:

And Larry the man turns these otherwise sad things into the funniest moments in the history of storytelling. Life is not that tragic after all, especially when you're as special as Larry David is.

As someone working in the industry, there's a lot to learn watching these episodes. As with his co-created work on Seinfeld, there is a formula in every single episode:

The major overall comedic theme that he always keeps in mind when writing every scene from every episode is that 'No good dead ever goes unpunished.' Larry attempts to keep his own integrity in check in every episode and whenever he strays from it by trying to do what others consider good, it always backfires on him. And that's basically every single episode.

The plots are alway driven by three simple things that all end up being rolled into the final conclusion. For example one episode this season is about someone masterbating on a bed sheet, donating to charity under anonymous and the rules of dry cleaning.

A lot of these storytelling devices are exactly the way they wrote Seinfeld. The only difference with Curb Your Enthusiasm is that it's on HBO and therefore R rated which leads to funnier things to do. And that Larry David is essentially Jerry, George, Kramer and Elaine rolled into one. He is in every single scene and drives all the plot points on the show.

I don't think there has been another show in TV history where the main character is in every single scene. The only other I can think of is Quantum Leap. (Someone leave a comment if you know another)

Larry David is the funniest man in the history of TV and that's what I learned yesterday. He's getting better episode to episode and I'm really looking forward what he has in store in the future. Like most artists, he takes his personal life and puts it into his work. Currently in the real world, Larry is going through a separation with his wife. Which is probably why his TV wife has really taken a back seat this season as there really hasn't been a show yet when she has had a prominent storyline.

Everyday as I write this column I will always go back to Larry David as he reminds me not to take things too seriously and that everything is funny. All you have to do is look at it from a certain angle. And that's the genius of him: he finds the right angles to show the world that that situation he went through is funny.

What I Learned - Monday October 15th 2007

Beginnings are always a stumble, then you pick it up

Without patting myself too much on the back I do have to call and spade a spade sometimes. I wasn't great at anything growing up but I was great at the art of grocery retail. If there is a Hall of Fame for greatest Grocery Managers, I would be in it. I was that great. I figured out the art of Time Management + Customer Service + Merchandising to get the customers to buy the right (money making products) things. I know don't why I was good at it, but I was.

In fact I do know why I was good at it. I had no choice. I confess to have one major personality problem: I have to WIN at everything I do. I was 16 years old without any idea to what I wanted to do with my life when I entered this grocery world on a bit of a lark. I was there so I had to be good at it.

At this time I sort of figured out that High School was a bit of a sham and that I was being spouted bullshit. I knew how to learn myself, I sure as hell didn't want anyone telling what to learn knowing that these ancient computers and half truth history lessons were a waste of time. And English class! Let's just say that creators should be teaching Shakespeare and creative writing, not blocked creatives dressed up as teachers!

In fact I felt so out of place my main influence at the time was my 20 year old Native American girlfriend who was everything but the conventions I was forced into. I lived two worlds: my adolescent high school and home life and my Hippie Socialistic adult world hanging out with my much older girlfriend and her much older friends with kids and all that crazy stuff.

Through my girlfriend's world I went through my extreme leftest stage and loved things like communism and stuff. It was an interesting stage that I'm happy didn't last long in retrospect. It didn't take me long to realize that these people didn't have much of a work ethic and there really wasn't much to learn from them.

I began my life in the grocery store with not much skills but a lot of idealistic thoughts. My boss, who I've talked in great length about in previous entries, saw something in me that I never saw in myself. And that's the drive to work hard and get things done the right way. He knew I was not a follower so I must of been the opposite of that. If I was then I needed to carry those skills of determination because I needed to do things my way. And the only way a man can survive who walks his own path in life is a man who has the work ethic to get it right after failing 1000 times. And fail time after time I did until I got it.

I was horrible at my job for about 8 months. I really should of been fired as I had no instinct for the job. If I saw me now I would of fired me. I just don't have the patience that my boss had. Day after day I showed up to work after school and day after day I wanted to quit. No one wants to keep doing something they suck at! But something kept forcing me to come and that was my foolish pride.

Pride is a polarizing thing. It can kill you but it can also put you in a situation to feel alive. One day I came to work and it all made sense to me. And I mean everything. I rammed myself into that brick wall enough and it actually let me through finally. After that it was smooth sailing and a whole lot of fun. But those beginning times were as rough as I can remember.

October is always a time of recollection for me as 6 years ago I was headed for an early grave. I had no direction and kept myself distracted with all the wrong things. Baseball in a lot of ways saved me. Jack Buck, a play by play man said during a broadcast that I was listening to that life is simple but always starts off complicated. Just pick your passion and go and go until soon enough your gone. You'll crawl and bump into things but you'll catch on if you really want it and soon enough you'll begin to walk and after that there's all kinds of fun stuff you can do.

I picked my passion 6 years ago and quit all of my distractions. Problem is when you start something, you don't know shit. So you just have to keep going until you get it and you can actually set up a plan to achieve success.

I've was fortunate enough to have an early career before this one and understand the art of failing miserably and learning from that. And never quit at anything. And never care too much what people think. Just keep going because soon enough your gone and it all begins to make sense.

Things are not that hard really. It just takes time to master it. I love talking to highly successful people. People who have achieved greatness in their field. I've learned that anyone, an actor, lawyer, doctor, businessman etc.. who's successful in their field all has the same qualities for some reason: they all have integrity, a supportive spouse who's behind them no matter what, a master of organization, disciplined to get it right no matter what and is bottom line a hard worker. And combining all of those attributes is someone who keeps moving forward.

I've just learned that the more forward I go, the more aware and awake I am. Things start off at such a foolish level and then you just pick it up and keep going.

Larry David Moment

Laptap in the shop again. I feel like my child is away at camp. I need my laptop to feel whole again. I couldn't work and sit in front of the TV all day watching football. One of my favorite things to do.

Sports Watching Moment

Watch the New England Patriots. They are what success is.

What I Learned - Sunday October 14th 2007

TOP 10 THINGS I LEARNED THIS WEEK

1. Keep the emotions in check. The more you speak just with your first initial feelings, the dumber you sound. Taking in what you're really feeling takes time. Things start with your ego and your insecurities, then you have to dig into those emotions to figure out what you're really thinking. It all starts and ends with the fears you have. And we all have them. The more we react emotionally, the more we fear. It's all about thinking smart.

2. I like being goofy and letting go. It brushes off a lot of anxiety. But I won't be goofy around anyone except a couple of people.

3. A great day usually turns into a stressful day the next day. Why is that?

4. Every time I go back to my home town of Niagara Falls, I feel really weird. It's not home for me now. In fact, I feel more like an outsider than actually a person who's from there. I'm a tourist in my own home town filled with other tourists.

5. I want to own a lot of things. I am already figuring out what companies I want to buy in the future.

6. Peter Bart who's the Editor in Chief for Variety is always a great read. He writes the basics of an occurrence and it turns into a lot in insight plus he just writes in a very entertaining way.

7. Family Guy is a great show but only in brief viewings. One maybe two episodes a week is always very fun to watch. More than that and it's just not funny. But I'm thinking it might be different for people who watch it stoned.

8. The Boston Red Sox are just a fun baseball team to watch. There's so much drama with that team. Plus seeing Stephen King sitting in the front row watching them play while also reading a book between pitches is great to observe the art of multi-tasking.

9. Organizing, organizing, organizing -- it's all about organizing. Writing things down, making sure your world is free from worldly distractions. This is the only way to be and it's one of the major things I need to master. I must master it.

10. I want only to be around people who really want it. What is 'it'? Whatever their passion is. People who are really into their passion and don't let life's distractions to get in their way.

I go on this show Off the Record in Canada from time to time. It's a national show with quaso-celebrities talking about the daily sports topics. It's a good way for me to express what I know a lot about (albeit in a very basic way) and promote our website and events.

I got bumped twice this week. Once on Monday and again today for more established celebrities that they were able to book at the last minute. And I'm pissed about it because my ego says I'm a lot better than them. But this is a great time for me to work at controlling my emotions and think things through before I react. Because reacting on your emotions right away is always a bad thing and nothing ever good will come out of it. And after cooling off things are never as bad as you thought they were.

So to make sure I always stay on the right path, I came up with my 11 Commandments of Being a Successful Artist. I consider artists the Quarterbacks of the world. The ones who control where the world is going. And you have to be pretty damn good to not screw things up and throw the ball away to the wrong parts of the world. If you want to be a successful artist you have responsibilities because you are a leader in your field and must lead my example.

So in tribute to one smart fellow, former NFL Coach Bill Parcells, here is his list of Commandments for a successful quarterback and how I will steal his ideas and translate it to being an artist:

11 COMMANDMENTS TO BEING A SUCCESSFUL QUARTERBACK

1. Press or TV, agents or advisors, family or wives, friends or relatives, fans or hangers on: IGNORE THEM on matters of football, they don't know what's happening here.

2. Don't forget to have fun, but don't be the class clown. Clowns and leaders don't mix. Clowns can't run a huddle.

3. A quarterback throws with his legs more than his arms. Squat and run. Fat quarterbacks can't avoid the rush.

4. Know your job cold. This is not a game without errors. Keep yours to a minimum. Study

5. Know your own players. Who's fast? Who can catch? Who needs encouragement? Be precise. Know your opponent.

6. Be the same guy everyday. In condition, preparing to lead, studying your plan. A coach can't prepare you for every eventuality. Prepare yourself and remember, impulse decisions usually equal mistakes.

7. Throwing the ball away is a good play. Sacks, interceptions and fumbles are bad plays. Protect against those.

8. You must learn to manage the game. Personnel, play call, motions, ball handling, proper reads, accurate throws, play fakes. Clock, clock, clock, don't you ever lose track of the clock.

9. Passing stats and TD passes are not how you're gonna be judged. Your job is to get your team in the endzone and that's how you're gonna be judged.

10. When all around you is in chaos, you must be the hand that steers the ship. If you have a panic button, so will everyone else. Our ship can't have panic buttons.

11. Don't be a celebrity quarterback. We don't need any of those. We need battlefield commanders that are willing to fight it out everyday, every week and every season, and lead their team to win after win after win.

So to take those ideas..... here are my commandments for myself on being an artist. I am in no way saying this is the way but I'm saying that this is the way for me and these are the voices in my own head as I move forward

11 COMMANDMENTS TO BEING A SUCCESSFUL ARTIST

1. Family or wives and girlfriends, friends or relatives and hangers on, if they're not an artist and not successful or you know deep down that they won't be a successful artist because they just don't have it, ignore them on all matters of your career. They just don't know what's happening or what's going on.

2. Don't forget to have fun, but don't be the class clown. Clowns and artists don't mix. Clowns can't run a business and remember that you are your business.

3. An artist works with his heart and emotions more than his head and brain. Keep looking for inspiration to keep your artistic motor running.

4. Know your job cold. Being an artist is about learning and creating from your errors. Don't stop working. A great violin player practices at least 3 hours a day. You must do the same in your field. If you don't, then you're not focussed. This needs to be your #1 priority.

5. Know the people you're working and creating with. Know their strengths and weaknesses and know what you can do to make them do their jobs better. Because they better they do their job, they better you do your job.

6. Be the same person everyday. Try to keep your emotions and focus in check. You're going to fail and probably fail a lot. It's part of the process. It's all about moving forward and forgetting about past failures.

7. Once your major learning curve ends, really choose your projects carefully. Being apart of something that's filled with non-artists and wankers will push you back. You must believe and know that the paychecks will come. Make sure you keep tabs on who the people in your life are. You are what your influences are. If everyone around you is a loser, then unfortunately you might be a loser too.

8. You must learn to manage your career as only you know what's right. People are around you: your agent, manager etc.. But they all have their own agendas. Remember to always stay true to you and only you. Don't lose track on why you set out on this career in the first place.

9. Getting your ass kissed by people who are lower on the totem pole than you means nothing. Master the art of knowing the difference between a genuine person and someone who wants something from you. And listen to the genuine ones as they will always tell you the truth.

10. When a project is in shambles and things look bleak, you must be the one that steers the ship and keeps things moving. If you have a panic button, so will everyone else. A ship can't have people with panic buttons. Lead by example.

11. Don't be a celebrity artist. The world doesn't need any more of those. The world needs focused people who are trying to make the world a better place and will keep working, everyday, every week and every year and lead yourself and others to create and turn nothing into magic.

What I Learned - Thursday October 11th

Can I really make the world a better place?

I was in the elevator today with a woman in her mid 30's who needed a cane to walk around . She asked me how my day was going. I am not one for small talk and I really don't like to reply with the usual 'okay' 'good' 'fine etc. So I just told her flat out what I was thinking at the moment and how I thought that she had a sunny disposition and brought some magic to the world.

She was a tad shocked by my statement but smiled right away. She told me that she was having hip replacement surgery tomorrow and that's exactly what she needed to hear. As she got off on her floor she said to me and to herself that her surgery is going to be just fine and she's ready for the next chapter in her life.

I tend to think it's the little things like these that make the world a tad better to live in. I always try to avoid the obvious in anything I do because as a old friend of mine used to say: 'The obvious is obvious so why talk about and do the obvious.'

Originality makes the world better and we all have it in us. We are all unique and have something to say. For some reason though we all are a tad brainwashed by the monster marketing our world has become and how we're constantly told how we should be doing this and that. And if an individual is different with the way they look, talk or act, a lot of us tend to fear them and therefore try to bring them down.

The world turns everyday so therefore every second things change automatically. We're going to change anyway so we might as well try to do things different everyday to see if it's better.

I tend to have a very optimistic look at the world, partly because it makes me work harder and makes me more motivated. The world has beaten me up and I have survived. And I'm a much better person because of it so I have no regrets or anger towards anyone.

But always wonder if I'm doing enough to make the world better. I balance between taking care of me and making sure others are doing fine too. And it's tough because I tend to get wrapped into things and forget that I'm actually living on earth!

I just hope I am trying to do good. And what I learned was to keep a daily tab on making sure I at least attempt at making things better.

Larry David Moment

I had a nice little chat with the Security Guard who works at our apartment building at night. I wanted to make sure he knew what Security Guards in his position are really suppose to be doing. And that's reading, sleeping and watching TV. Basically doing nothing the job details. Just like I used to do when I was a Security Guard.

They're there for insurance reasons, nothing more. And I just needed to make sure this guy knew that and have some fun.

Sports Watching Moment

Two days without any baseball and football. I'm going crazy. Thank god the baseball playoffs restart tonight.

What I Learned - Wednesday October 10th 2007

I live too much for today

I had an experience in my life where I almost died and surviving made me look at life a whole new way. This is a good thing in a lot of ways because I've discovered a whole new side of me and I therefore got a whole lot wiser.

But I do have some conflicts in my life because I seem to take everyday a little too seriously. I wake up everyday thinking it's my last and I just don't have time to any sort of small talk. I also want improvement and results now and it's hard for me to really settle for anything.

The people in my life seem to have a hard time dealing with this I've learned. I struggle because this is who I am and I'm not turning back for the sake of my own integrity. But I do have to learn to know that this is a long life I'll live and sometimes I need to play a little more and be less serious.

There's an irony in me. I'm a big sports fan but I don't really like games that much. When I do play games it's not for the enjoyement but for the challenge to win and winning is something I need to obtain. And I watch games like baseball and football to learn more about Human Nature than pretty much anything else as I seem to like those particular sports in teaching me about life.

Time for me to smell the roses more and know I'll be able to smell them tomorrow too.

Larry David Moment

Dr. Pepper gives me a headache. I never get headaches but I just realized it's only when I drink Dr. Pepper is when I do get them. So no more Dr. Pepper.

Sports Watching Moment

The first time since February 4th that there wasn't a baseball or football game last night. I bummer night.

What I Learned - Tuesday October 9th 2007

How a game of football effect my soul!

It's a game where guys suit up in pads and bang into each other while they try to take a pigskin in the shape of Stewie's head on Family Guy to a place called the End Zone to score points.

Each week millions upon millions of people either sit in their couch or attend a stadium with 90,000 other people to watch this game take place.

The game is Amerian Football and it has become so popular that it's main professional organization the NFL, is now a multi-BILLION dollar business. All four of the major TV networks have each paid over $800 million a year just so the NFL can let them show their games.

I love this game eventhough it has become very corporate and I am guessing that pretty much all of the athletes are on some sort of steroid or human growth hormone of some kind.

It's just a beautiful game filled with some of the smarted people in the world today. If I could have lunch with anyone in the world it would be the New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick because I think he's probably the smartest person living in North America. Just watching the games he coaches make me a smarter person.

Football is a game I know very well. I played the game and was very good at it and I watch an average of 6 professional and college football games a week. I am probably one of a thousand people in the world who can read a defensive formation and its tendencies while watching a game. It's a sport that suits my personality and obsessiveness towards little things. It's chess, athleticism, psychics, chemistry, spirituality and pyschology rolled into one.

Baseball is in my heart and if I would choose between the two, baseball would win because it's my first love. But football is more me than anything else. If I wasn't doing what I'm doing now, I would be a football coach. I don't mind focusing my life on just one thing like all of these coaches do. Read the book 'The Education of a Coach' by David Hamberstam, probably the best Non-Fiction writer of the last 100 years. A man who's written from politics to business and someone who knew human nature like no other.

SIDEBAR: Halberstam was in the midst of writing his new book about the present Bush Administration. Apparantly it was said through the grapevine that he uncovered some very criminal stuff and was trying to hurry the book out so the madness of Bush's presidency could end. He was then suddenly killed in a car crash! Something that seemed very strange to me and I was saddened to hear because he was my favorite writer who wrote about the things that I was also passionate and obessed about.

I am from Niagara Falls so my loyalties lie with the Buffalo Bills. If you're not a fan you won't know that the Bills lost a complete heartbreaker last night to the Dallas Cowboys. A game they easily should have won.

I was very upset by this loss, so much so that I really can't function today. This loss feels like a death to a loved one. And I know it's crazy to feel this because it's just a game. But I can't control what I feel as I just feel what I feel.

Last night's game was a microcosm to their franchise. A team that has had many bright spots and you're completely blown away by their glory. But at the end of each chapter failure occurs and it's devastating to witness.

If you're a loser, then you're a loser. You really don't care either way because they'll always lose. The Bills are not losers but winners who lose. They are Fast Eddie Felston in the movie The Hustler. They have glory but don't have the mentality to win the entire kit and kobobble. They just haven't matured enough and that's why it hurts so much.

I grew up watching this team go to FOUR straight Super Bowls only to see them lose everyone. And each of those loses have taken a bit out of me and the people in the city they live in.

I remember moving to Toronto on January 3rd 2000. I didn't know an entire soul in the city. The Bills were in the playoffs and had a good team as I sat down in my new apartment getting ready to begin my life on Jan. 5th and watched the Bills play by myself. They basically had won the game but 'The Music City Miracle' as they call it torn a part my insides and they lost a heart breaker. I sat in my apartment in my new city and felt the most lonely I've ever felt in my entire life. I knew I had an uphill mountain to climb and wanted my Bills to come with me but they failed once again in heartbreak fasion.

Now almost 8 years later I hoped the mountain would be climbed last night as the Bills would show the national audience what they were about. And they had that game won and they blew it.

I am reminded by that game that I have more mountains to climb.

Larry David Moment

The last Curb Your Enthusiasm episode was another classic. Larry ending up being a Limo Driver and picking up John McEnroe. Some of the funniest shit I've seen in a long time.

What I Learned Yesterday - Monday October 8th 2007

TOP 10 THINGS I LEARNED LAST WEEK:

10. When I'm tired, it's time to sit on the sidelines for a bit. I am now suffering from extreme exhaustion and it's only my fault. I just kept working without taking a break and it has brought me to the level where I'm at now.

I can barely sit up I'm so tired and I am really having a hard time even writing this.

9. You need to have at least one long conversation with your partner a week talking about your relationship and where you're going. A lot of arguements that can occur in the future will be flamed out if you talk about all of your conflict.

Building a long standing relationship is the most satisfying but toughest this to do in this life.

8. Baseball is the great game of any sort in the entire world. I already knew that but last week just made me realize that even more.

7. Went home for our Canadian Thanksgiving and was playing with my nieces and nephew (aged 3-7). They are all so sophisticated on the computer. I asked them all what they would rather have: a computer or the TV. They all looked at me like I was nuts. A computer of course.

The TV is dying and the Computer is what the future is all about.

6. Sometimes I worry just for the sake of worrying because it's what I know to do. But there aren't things to worry about for me right now. I just have to learn to not to worry and it will make me that much healthier.

5. If I sleep 8 hours a day I'm fine. Anything less and I'm not at my best during the day.

4. MYSPACE will outlast FACEBOOK because there's more going on at that site and day by day people are learning more and more about HTML coding etc.. It will soon become a language that everyone will know. Facebook will die soon enough. And I believe it's run by the CIA. I really believe that!

3. What did I learn in school again? I can't remember. Seems like a waste of my time after 11th grade.

2. Depression is probably the biggest disease in our society but the thing that's least talked about and dedicated to.

1. I am tired but I am happy. I want to be a robot sometimes and just charge up when need be.

What I Learned Yesterday - Saturday October 6th 2007

It's all about the water. That's all I need to say today.

If I drink more that 4 litres of water a day, then my body feels great and my energy is up. As soon as drink less than 4 litres or drink something else, my energy goes down.

Through the years I've been trying to figure out my body and my body LOVES water. And it hates any other liquid. Even if I drink coffee, I get a nice energy boost until my energy sinks even lower after a couple of hours.

Milk does not do a body good. The ADS say it does because it's a multi-billion dollar industry. I used to be a Dairy Manager at a high volume grocery store and I saw some terrifying things that this milk does. Just my bias, but remember that when you drink milk or consume any milk product, you're basically drinking breast milk from another animal.

Cows don't drink our breast milk, so why do we drink theirs?

Water is the best there is, the best there was and the best there ever will be.

Larry David Moment

My library bill for my late fines is more than my phone bill. I guess I read more than I talk. I'm trying to live a life without a cell phone and it's becoming very hard. But I will do it.

Sports Watching Moment

Yesterday's Indians/Yankees game #2 of the ALDS was one of the best games in the last 5 years. There isn't any better drama and excitement in any film, book, TV show etc... than a beautiful game of baseball.

What I Learned Yesterday - Friday October 5th 2007

I used to love to watch the beginning credits from 'The Drew Carey Show' when he and his co-stars sang and danced through the streets of Cleveland screaming Cleveland Rocks! Cleveland Rocks! It used to pump me up.

Cleveland is my good luck charm

I don't know what it is but the city of Cleveland has always been good to me. Every time I go there seems to be a defining moment in my life, not to mention meeting a girl from Cleveland who basically changed my entire life.

Sitting back watching the Indians/Yankees game last night got me really nostalgic. They were interviewing the Cleveland Indian's #1 fan during the game, the guy who bangs on his drums in the bleachers to pump up the crowd during Indian crunch times. A computer technician for AT&T, he's been going to ever single game since 1973. 34 years of banging on the same drums he brought that first year.

In 2005 I was going through a really rough time as I knew it was time for my marriage to end. I was watching a Blue Jays/Indians game one night and was re-introduced to this fan. I remembered him in my youth when my father used to take me to the Indians game to watch the Blue Jays play. It was a quick 3 1/2 hour drive to my home town of Niagara Falls to their old beat-up stadium off of Lake Erie. I remembered this guy banging on these drums that would echo all over the stadium and was so loud I'm sure it could be heard across the lake! Those were good times to be a Blue Jays fans as we used to beat up the Indians really bad. I saw some great games at that stadium, including Dave Steib's no hitter on September 5, 1990. That was a great day.

Watching that game two years ago really sparked something for me. I was taken in with his loyalty as the Indians baseball team has been through some very rough times and most of the teams have not been very good at all. But day after day year after year he packs him drum kit and heads off to the stadium.

It was 3:15pm and I was driving in Toronto when I just decided to drive to Cleveland and attend that night's Indians game as I wanted to meet this guy. It took me 4 1/2 hours to get there and it was the 2nd inning when I brought my bleacher seat. I approached him and told him what I did and he seemed like that was a pretty normal thing. For the next 3 hours we talked baseball and watched the Indians win in a blowout. It was a great night.

I slept in my car that night, went to the Football Hall of Fame and then tried to meet up with the local Cleveland Nurse that changed my life. When I was 20 years old I was hanging out at a local bar in Niagara Falls with a friend when I met Suzanne. She was vacationing with her friends and we got to talking.

Full disclosure. This was something I did a lot in those days. Being a local boy living in a tourist town, you tend to take advantage of the energy tourists bring. People go away to not be like they are back home. They're there to let loose and we were there to help them get looser.

But Suzanne was different from them all. We really connected. I used to drive to Cleveland and she back to Niagara for us meet up a lot. I had my life and she had hers, but when we were together our lives didn't matter. Later I moved to New York and she decided to not see me again because she was moving in with a guy.

She drove down to tell me and sat me down for a chat. What she told me no one ever told me before. This is what she told me verbatim since it's etched in my memory bank:

"It's your destiny to change the world. But you're a fuck up. You live day by day always looking for the next high and you have to stop it now. My childhood had some advantages since my father was very successful. He's the only man I ever met until I met you who can walk into a room and change the entire energy. He's a leader. You're the same way but you don't even know it. You have these gifts that you haven't even explored yet. I look at you and I see someone who has the chance to really do something special. To change the world. But you have no confidence. You don't like yourself at all. Get rid of all of these things: your drug consumption, your heaving drinking, your wanker friends and be a fuckin man. Because you just have too much inside of you to fuck it up. You're a very smart man but for some reason you don't think you are. I love you because I can see who you can be, but you're pissing it all away. Step it up. (pause) Good-bye, this is the last time I will ever see you."

This was the first time anyone ever told me that I was anything in this world. I didn't have any confidence at all because all I ever heard was negative shit my entire life. I never heard what I could be but what I wasn't. Suzanne changed my life because she was the first person to ever tell me that I was actually something.

I didn't meet up with her because she said she was too busy. Just the same because I got what I needed from Cleveland just thinking about meeting her. I headed home, separated from my wife and I haven't stopped since. My life is pure now and I am exactly where I should be.

Cleveland is my town because all that's ever come from that place has been great. And every time I go there, I leave a new man.

So go Cleveland in this year's playoffs. Bring home that World Series for the first time since 1954. It's been too long.

Larry David Moment

I went for a jog yesterday and about a quarter mile away I saw this other jogger. So I decided that I needed to catch up with him. He ran through the cemetery and then the woods as I kept trailing behind but getting closer and closer. Then he decided to climb these huge steps up from the woods to street level. I followed and finally caught up to him at the top of the steps.

Then I almost passed out because I was so tired just catching up to him. I forgot for a moment how much I was pushing myself because I needed to pass this guy. It took me over 30 minutes to get my breath back but I got my man.

Sports Watching Moment

Go baseball.

Baseball playoffs have begun and for some insight I went back and read the Greatest Quoted Person of All-Time! Former New York Yankee Catcher YOGI BERRA. What he says is a little dumb and very funny, but if you read between the lines there is a lot of insight about life.

After all Yogi is a very successful Hall of Fame catcher born into a very unathletic, undersized 5'7 body that from far away looks like a Penguin. And brought in a poor Italian nieghborhood in St. Louis with no future prospects at all. There was no way this guy should of even been playing in the majors much less be considered one of the greats. So obviously he must of been thinking the right things.

The Greatest Yogi Berra quotes of All-Time:

No other man has won more in professional sports than this guy. There's a lot to learn.

Larry David Moments

You ever pick up the phone and regret it almost immediately? I had too much of that yesterday. Sometimes I think I should never ever pick up the phone. You can't take calls if you don't pick it up.

I'm going on National television on Monday so the beard must come off. Damn! I'm still playing the game with society.

Sports Watching Moment

Watched every pitched of the baseball playoffs yesterday. I'm a very happy man.

What I Learned Yesterday - Wednesday October 3rd 2007

Clint Eastwood is my hero

I thought yesterday if there is someone I look up to from a far. And I can only think of one person: CLINT!

I'm not going to talk about his body of work as that's not the reason why he's my hero. Though he has made a lot of quality films when he entered his prime at 70! And if there was a Hall a Fame for Actors and Directors, he would be a first ballot inductor for both. There isn't another person who's has mastered the craft of Directing AND Acting like Clint.

Woody Allen, Orson Welles and Charlie Chaplin are in the same ballpark, but none of those three can claim the long body of work like Eastwood has done spanning over 40 years.

I aspire to be great at one thing. This guy is great at two things!

But that's not why he's my hero. Clint is my hero because of the way he lives his life. This is a man that rarely does interviews or reveals his creative practices, so it's hard to figure out who is really is if you haven't met him. But I've heard enough from others and have taken in his brief interviews and come up with these conclusions.

This is why Clint Eastwood is my hero. All things I aspire to become:

- He doesn't stop working. From the time he got his big break to present time, Eastwood has starred or directed a feature film every year.

- He's extremely loyal to the people who are loyal to him. Take a look at the credits for all of his directed films in the last 25 years. It's the same people, even in the mid-level crew positions. And he promotes from within. His camera assistant, electrics and grips for example from 20 years ago are now his DOP and Gaffer of his films. He helps so many people with their careers and they would do anything for him. This universal teamwork and mutual respect leads to the best films. I've been on enough film sets to realize this.

- He doesn't appear to have a vice at all in life and therefore can concentrate on this passion and nothing else. He doesn't drink, smoke, do drugs, gamble, is a womanizer etc.. He just works and takes care of his body everyday, constantly working out and eating the right foods. That's why he's able to work at such as high level now and will probably work into his 90's. Anything he puts into his body is energy and not toxic.

- You've never heard anyone say a bad word about him. Everyone who's worked with him says it's the best experience of their lives. Even his ex-girlfriends still love him and can't say a bad thing about him.

- He runs a perfect film set. He knows what he wants and gets it done each and everyday. He collaborates with his team and never goes overbudget. In fact, he's known to bring in films way ahead of schedule and under budget. Something that's unheard of in the film world.

- He didn't like how his home town was running things so he became Mayor for 18 months, cleaned things up and then found the perfect protege to take his place. This wasn't an ego thing but something he just thought he needed to do. Something I will do myself when I'm in my 50's when I become Mayor of my hometown Niagara Falls.

- He can go into any studio in Hollywood, pitch a project with any budget amount and they will let him do what he wants with him having total control, including cast choices and final cut. That's the ultimate dream. It took him 35 years to get to this level, but he kept plugging away and got to it.

- If you look at his body of work from the 60's to now, he doesn't stop getting better. Most artists plateau or hit a peak and decline. Eastwood keeps getting better. His last project will probably be his best.

- He's a man of few words. That's because he's the ultimate listener and observer of life. He once said that when you talk, you usually don't learn, so you might as well just listen to what others have to say. And when you do talk, it better be important.

- He was Dirty Harry and the Man With No Name! Enough said.

I am motivated to be just like this guy and I can't think of anyone else in the entire world who's more of a hero to me than him.

Larry David Moment

As soon as I wrote about my 'beard is bad entry', I kept getting compliments for the first time on my beard and how I should keep it. That's all you have to do so: just write something and the world will contradict you in a heartbeat. It's amazing actually. I think the beard is making a comeback.

Sports Watching Moment

The day before the Baseball playoffs start. Time for me to rest and get ready for the baseball marathon of games for the next 3 weeks. Best time of the year!

What I Learned Yesterday - Tuesday October 2nd 2007

My boss and mentor at the grocery store I worked at in my teens and early 20's used to tell me on a weekly basis: Remember that you don't know what you don't know

Over and over again he used to tell me "You don't know what you don't know." A phrase so overused inside of the store that it became a riddle. What did it mean? Every week it was something different. My boss said it so much I think he sometimes forgot why he initially said it as it meant something different to him too everytime he said it.

Even today I think about this phrase everyday of my life and I thought about this a lot yesterday. More importantly I thought I know what I know but what don't I know.

So the questions were:

1) What do I actually know? What do I think I know but don't know?

2) What don't I know what I need to know?

3) What don't I know what I don't need to know?

4) What do I know that will take me to what I need to know?

5) Where can I find what I need to know?

6) What do I need to know now?

This is what life is a lot about in a lot of ways. I'm not close yet but I think the definition of high intelligence is someone who learns what they need to learn and undestands what they don't know and what they don't need to learn in the moment.

So what don't I know? A whole lot. That's obvious. But what's important is that I know what I don't know.

I see a lot of smart people in the world and a lot of dumb people. I choose to be one of the smart people. They talk about the obvious problems in our society where the rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer. I was listening to the radio and the host of this show was talking about how the smart are just learning to get smarter and the dumb are just learning to not get smarter. And that's the real problem in our world.

Is that true? Do the rich just get smarter now because they have the means to buy the certain equipment and supplies to learn? Have smarter people in their circle who are generally successful in their field who teach them a whole lot of things? And are just more free with their thoughts because they don't have as much stress and worry about survival as the poor, so their brains work at a much higher capacity?

Is that the real problem? That the poor stay poor because they don't learn to get smarter?

I am in the opinion that intelligence is realitively the same for most people. There are exceptions of course but we're all generally the same intelligence when we are brought into the world. But if you're in an environment with less stress and worry with more freedom to learn, you're just going to get smarter. Am I right or am I wrong? Step #1 is just having the right mentors in your life who can guide you and teach you.

I don't know what I don't know and I'm learning everyday what I do know and what I need to know.

Larry David Moment

When you have your earphones on with your favorite songs blasting while you're walking the streets, doesn't it feel like you're in a music video? It's a great feeling as you're with the world as you're walking the same streets but you're just a small step removed from reality.

Sports Watching Moment

162 games and they were still tied. So the Colorado Rockies and the San Diego Padres played an extra game after the regular season to decide who was going to the playoffs. Great game all around but it was decided by a controversial call which is too bad. Human errors seem to get in the way of artistic beauty. That's just the way it is.

What I Learned Yesterday - Monday October 1st 2007

I have not shaved in over 5 weeks. Not even a clean up of any sort. I have a long beard now and I will shave it off very soon but I'm really enjoying it. Problem is that we're not in an era of beards or even mustaches right now. It's a clean faced world now and I am forced to fit into it. I can't go on TV with my beard right now because the powers that be wouldn't let me know.

But the bottom line is I've learned a whole lot growing facial hair

As I was working out at the gym yesterday I couldn't help but look into the many mirrors that surrounded me and see my beard of beauty. During a break I approached the mirror and leaned in giving it a long observation. I brushed my beard and saw a lot of fascinating things (at least for myself). It was like looking into a crystal ball of my past and future all at the same time.

I saw my genetics and history. The dark hairs from my Italian genes and my red hairs from my Isish genes.

I saw my growth as a human. Those two dominant colors I was given combined into my own original color on the hair of my chin. And day my day my colors combining into my own original genetics. Red and Dark Brown combining into the Matthew Toffolo color.

I saw my age. One grey hair. Just one but it's a start and I am not afraid of it at all. Silver hair is intelligence as far as I'm concerned. The more you have it, the smarter you are. And it always grows first on your face hair.

I saw unevenness. Some spots grow faster than others. Why is that? I think it's because I'm not totally balanced yet myself. When I am, then my hair will grow in balanced. The hair underneath my nose doesn't grow in that fast. I always wanted one of those twirly mustaches but right now it would take me years to grow it.

At first it scratched a lot and now it's so a part of me it's more like a comfortable pillow than anything else. The beard has evolved into my face and it loves it. My face is going to be very upset when it goes away.

The public responds differently to people with beards. They look at us with a lot of distrust, like we're bumns. Not on par with the rest of society. When I'm clean shaven, doors open for me and people approach me with harmony. With the beard, people ignore me.

There's a group of people hawking credit card signups outside of the bank I go to for the last 2 months. Clean shaven, I was approached over and over again. With beard, I am completely ignored as they looks the other way thinking there's no way this bearded bumn has a good enough credit line for a new credit card.

I am a completely different person with the outside world and I love it. I would love to be left alone during my daily routines and with a beard I am. I'm more at peace.

Now I must shave it off because of society and it's pressures. I still have to play the game.

My girlfriend doesn't mind that I have the beard but I doubt she could take it for much longer. I'm just better looking clean shaven.

Larry David Moment

The Sunday night game became a blowout so I watched the new Curb Your Enthusiasm last night. Larry David is estrained from his wife in real life and you can see that he's really putting this stress he's having into his new shows. There was a lot of pain in last night's episode of Larry not being able to find a safe place to go to the bathroom. He's not comfortable in his own home anymore.

Combining laughter and sadness in the cornerstone of great comedy. It's the balance that makes things funny. For the first time the balance got shifted into the sadness area in the history of Larry David writing for TV.

Sports Watching Moment

Best weekend in sports watching history. Baseball pennant races coming to a close with some of the greatest drama witnessed. College Football upsets left and right and the always terrific NFL season.

I worked and watched, watched and worked. It was a fun weekend and the better the sports, the better I work.