Kevin Smith Conundrum
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| KEVIN SMITH CONUNDRUM - Daren Foster talks about his recent column -- What's up with Kevin Smith? |
KEVIN SMITH CONUNDRUM
By Daren Foster
**Tearing my hair out trying to understand why anyone would want to spend an evening with Kevin Smith.**
Sitting, lounging, drinking my wine (makes me feel fine/gonna have me a holiday) and leafing through my weekly magazine of local current events, I am stopped up by a half-page ad announcing ticket sales for An Evening with Kevin Smith. I’m sorry, what?! This inexplicable cult figure of the indie film scene is performing an evening(?) at Roy Thompson Hall, a 2, 600+ seat venue, charging from $50-$60 a pop with an extra show added?!
My apologies if I step on any blogging brand toes here but -- WTF?!? Seriously. What the fuck is the deal with Kevin Smith and why the hell are there people willing to fork out 50-60 bucks to spend an evening with him? What is it I’m missing here?
Way back in 1994, the guy makes a name for himself with a low, low budget, black and white feature film, financed in large part by running up his credit cards.. or maybe that was Spike Lee 10 years earlier. Anyway, you get the point. A film made with next to no money that breaks large or, at least, largish. Clerks puts Smith on the map as a writer/producer/director/actor. It is a fun little, foul-mouthed movie that plugs into the whole Gen X/slacker zeitgeist of the time. As a first film, it promises interesting things from Smith.
And then comes Mallrats and Chasing Amy. Then Dogma with Alanis Morrisette as God. You can probably see where I’m going with this. Seven years after Clerks, Smith does a sort of sequel, reprising characters from that film including his own and we’re given Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. At that point, audiences split into two camps: those who eagerly sit through the nearly 4 hour documentary of Smith talking on a college tour and those who are surprised there was even a thought given to making such a film. An Evening with Kevin Smith. I’m sorry, what?! Isn’t he the guy who made one OK film followed by 2 or 3 stinkers and a couple outright bombs? I’d want to spend an evening with him why? Then comes Jersey Girl followed by a full-fledged Clerks sequel ingeniously entitled Clerks 2. Just this past year, he delivers us Zack and Miri Make a Porno starring the latest slacker icon, Seth Rogen. 
Like the rest of his filmography, Smith’s most recent effort leaves no noticeable impression as it stops in theatres for a quick cup of coffee.
Yet, there he is, coming soon to a theatre near you, another Evening with Kevin Smith, live and in person. What’s even more amazing, as I listed off his career synopsis, I neglected to mention that there was a second nearly 4 hour documentary called An Evening with Kevin Smith 2: Evening Harder in 2006. That’s almost 8 hours of documentary footage on a guy who makes exclusively forgettable movies. In just over half that time, Marcel Ophüls exhaustively examined the Vichy collaboration with Nazi Germany during World War II and the French participation in the Holocaust.
Have we lost our minds?! And the dude is out on tour again, regaling us with what exactly?
At this point I should come clean that, despite my, you know, it isn’t even a dislike of Kevin Smith I harbour. It’s more of a blunted kind of amazement. They’re still letting him make movies? or An Evening with Kevin Smith? I’m sorry, what?! Despite my surprise that the man still has any entertainment career at all outside of some sort of reality show with Danny Bonaduce, I must confess to stopping the channel surfing one evening a few years back when I came across An Evening with Kevin Smith. I didn’t know such a thing existed and was taken aback so thought I’d drop in for a bit to see what on earth it could be all about.
It went on and on and on with nothing much in particular happening aside from a lot of swearing and some smoking on the part of Smith’s Clerks sidekick, Jay. For the life of me, I can’t remember what was said. Ben Affleck, this and that, lesbian sex, Shannen Doherty and fuck, fuck, motherfuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Just like accidentally picking up the phone extension and listening in on a couple teenage boys talking circa 1994.
And this went on for four hours!! And had a sequel!! And he’s back at it on tour again!!! Just who is this seemingly insatiable Kevin Smith fan base out there?
Funny I should ask as I have a theory about that.
A few years back, Smith expressed much interest in appearing on the updated remake of Degrassi Junior High. Apparently, the original was very influential on the young Kevin and he wanted to pay his respects by appearing on its descendant, Degrassi: the Next Generation. He did and all of Degrassi nation was a-flutter. There was even talk of a Degrassi movie that Smith might act in and helm. Fortunately for the franchise, it didn’t come to pass and Smith was not able to drive it into the ground with yet another cinematic dud.
But here’s my theory: there are Degrassi type of people and those who.. aren’t, just like there are those who would pay to listen to Kevin Smith talk for 4 hours and those who wouldn’t. I think there’s a very strong correlation between the groups that breaks down something like this: liking Degrassi = liking Kevin Smith; dislike one, dislike them both. To pilfer from a beer ad, those who like Kevin Smith (and Degrassi) like him (it) a lot. Those who don’t are the ones pulling out their hair trying to figure out just what the fuck it is that those morons see in either Kevin Smith or Degrassi.
Maybe I was a little too old to fully appreciate the charms of Degrassi Junior High but I was also too old for Saved By the Bell and I will fully admit to being completely under its cheesy spell. If I want to spend time watching something that portrays high school exactly how it wasn’t, give me the crazy chaste shenanigans of the Bayside crowd over the dour earnestness of Snake and Wheels and Caitlin any old time. To admit having a soft spot for Degrassi Junior High is to put on an air of high-mindedness and seriousness of purpose. To admit to being a Degrassi Junior High fan is a proud confession of having been a high school loser.
Or.. or.. in Kevin Smith’s case (back to my theory), it is a career move in order to curry favour with all those out there who see him as a fellow traveler. A plump man with no distinguishable features or particular talent for his chosen field of endeavour, yet mysteriously he’s made a name for himself. If Kevin Smith can make his way along the red carpet of fame, surely to god anyone can. He has become the patron saint of high school losers everywhere.
How? Simple, really. Fail miserably at what you do but talk knowingly about that failure, that you are fully cognizant of how bad you are at what you do and how amazing it is that there are people out there who keep giving you money to badly do the thing you do. The jokes on them, you see? I’m terrible at what I do. I know I’m terrible at what I do and by admitting it openly, people don’t think I really think I’m terrible at what I do therefore I must be good at what I do so they give me money to keep doing what I’m terrible at doing. Swear liberally, just like you don’t care. Rinse and repeat.But don’t try this at home or the office, folks. It’s a ploy that seldom works in the real world because there really is no business like show business and for that, all of us should be thankful.
READ MORE COLUMNS BY DAREN FOSTER
December 15 2008 - PUSHING UP DAISIES - Let's doff our caps for TV shows few will miss.
December 8 2008 - THIS JUST IN - The media just loves a good tragedy!
December 1 2008 - UNDER THE RADAR - The curious career of Albert Brooks.
November 24 2008 - PULP FICTION FOREVER - Once exciting filmmaker now never fails to disappoint.
November 17 2008 - CHARLIE KAUFMAN UNLEASHED - Brainy scriptwriter goes for broke in directorial debut.
November 10 2008 - A GOLDEN AGE - TV's renaissance amidst the ruins.
November 3 2008 - POLITICS AS UNUSUAL - Media tales fail to take flight.
October 27 2008 - EYES HAVE IT 2 - Joe the Plumber 4 President!
October 20 2008 - EYES HAVE IT - You say pollster. I say huckster.
October 13 2008 - MUSLIM COMEDY REVIEW - Ahmed's now your wacky next door neighbour!
October 6 2008 - BVLGARI VVLGARIS - Celebrity overseas whoring.
September 29 2008 - COMEDY TODAY
September 22 2008 - FALLEN SEASON EXPECTATIONS
September 15 2008 - CONVENTIONAL WISDOM
September 8 2008 - KILL THE BATMAN - Seriously. Put him out of his misery.
September 1 2008 - MY SUMMER VACATION
August 25 2008 - PHONING IT IN
August 18 2008 - GUNGA GULUNGA
August 11 2008 - EMMY DAZE - Where is The Wire
August 4 2008 - ME TALK GOOD
July 28 2008 - TAKE THE CANNOLI
July 21 2008 - TECHNO BEAT 2
July 14 2008 - TECHNO BEAT 1
July 7 2008 - THE INDIGESTIBLE HULK
June 30 2008 - KING GEORGE
June 23 2008 - PLAYING ONE ON TV
June 16 2008 - NEW MONDAY MORNING COLUMN - LIFE IS TOO SHORT - Finally, I saw the last episode of The Wire.
June 4 2008 - FLIP THIS CHANNEL - Buying first house leads to having many things on the mind.
