Kelly Marchand

Columns/Reviews/Movies

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1. What is your teleplay about?

Shawn and Gus work at a corrupt discount super store, to solve the murder of an elderly customer greeter.

2. Why did you decide to write this teleplay?

My spec script was a final project for a prime time drama writing class. I decided to write an episode of Psych because it is mankind's greatest achievement. It also isn't most people's first choice when writing a spec script. I figured that will help it stand out in the sea of 30 Rocks and Offices.

3. How long have you been writing screenplays?

I've been writing for eight years but only in the last four have I become some what decent. I honed my craft at Emerson College, which is a gayer version of Hogwarts in many respects.

4. What is your favorite TV show of all-time?

The Chevy Chase show was fantastic. The episode where he sang happy birthday to Goldie Hawn's son and pretended to drop the cake...I'm choking back tears. I also love Reno 911, The UK Office, and The Critic.

5. What artist in the industry would you love to work with?

My dream is to one day be Tag Team Champion with Bret " The Hitman" Hart. The members of The State comedy troupe are all brilliant performers and writers. I'd also love to work with Matt Stone and Trey Parker.

6. Who was your hero growing up?

My childhood hero was Ernest. His ability to live a normal life despite being a human magnet humbles us all.

7. Ideally, where would you like to be in 5 years?

Finishing up my 5th tour of duty in the ever growing quagmire which is the American Swedish War.

8. Describe your process; do you have a set routine, method for writing?

Apart from consuming the heart of a goat, I have no set routine. I try to write at different times and places to keep things fresh. Deadlines can be the writer's best friend. One day I wrote thirty pages thanks to adrenaline rush provided by fear and goat's blood.

9. Apart from writing, what else are you passionate about?

I am very passionate about defending Morrissey's sophmore album Kill Uncle. People will always whine about it being his worst work. They fail to realize it out sold both Southpaw Grammar and Maladjusted. Morons.

10. What influenced you to enter the WILDsound Script Contest?

Apart from Canada's lower standards, the chance to have the script read in front of an audience seems like a unique and worthwhile experience. I come from a sketch comedy background, which has always been a separate entity from my spec writing experiences. Combining the two would be awesome.

11. Any advice or tips you’d like to pass on to other writers?

If your work isn't getting recognition you aren't using enough wacky fonts. The industry standard is a new font every 3-5 scenes. I also like to number the pages in no particular order. Properly reassembling will keep your reader busy and entertained!

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