Jesse Ryder Hughes Blog March 13th 2007
Jesse Ryder Hughes and his life It was a weird week. It started out pretty good. I went to a couple auditions. I worked on my own stuff and got to see my girlfriend. I’m reading Audition by Michael Shurtliffe. I’m trying to wrap my head around the audition process. I’m not feeling bad when I leave auditions, which is good. I’m just letting it happen naturally. I’ve been putting myself in the casting director’s shoes and that is helping me as well. I did get an audition for a Disney film for T.V. I prepared myself and was ready, but when I got in there I froze. I wonder what it was. I was happy when I left, because slowly I started to understand myself a little more as a person. I was a little unsure and that doubt, dismantled all my work and trust I did in the scene. There is such a thing as overworking as well. I did that and I relied on preparation to get me through, but I was already prepared. I didn’t need to rely on it. I just needed to have fun. Say the lines. My mom also called me half and hour before my audition saying my grandma had passed. I don’t know if that affected me subconsciously and put more of a bearing on my thoughts. I’ll find out next audition. Jesse Ryder Hughes and Self Absorption Self absorption is something I have been thinking about and have seen a lot of. I’ve chosen to ignore it, but now I am starting to find it interesting. I have questioned myself many times if getting compliments and feeling awesome was being egotistical, but it is just a great feeling and a feeling of being on the right path. Being human. We all like when people say nice things. I see great things out of people as well, so it balances each other out. I am a little confused about being self absorbed. There’s the people that think they are a gift to the world and look down on people and then I’ve seen the opposite. The opposite is hating people for being self absorbed. They are both different, but essentially the same. It is the need to be accepted and making others inadequate of that acceptance. Therefore self absorption comes and no one else’s opinion matters. Cynicism arises, and you can still be a good actor if you have these attributes, I acknowledge that for sure. It’s not the kind of actor or person I would want to be. This is why I’m questioning this issue. I have seen my self being influenced and I see where I can go and don’t want to go, but I want to know and be brave enough to accept the fact that I can acquire self absorption. I feel that this will enhance my acting and craft. Then I will be able to bring my artistry and my heart to being a self absorbed person. Another stretch as an actor. It’s hard to be around these kind of people in real life. It usually ends in feeling a little worthless or being brought to a level that makes you feel accepted by them. Jesse Ryder Hughes and his thoughts I observe and listen and I usually find myself sympathizing and understanding them as people with problems, but like anyone I can get really tired and confused hanging around them. I need to stop, breathe and collect my thoughts and understand myself again. I don’t want to keep doing that. I want to be able to be around them. They are usually strong minded people. So if I can be strong in my understanding of them and myself then I’ll be able to hold my ground and talk and know when to leave and all that. I will find my voice and let them know that I am a strong person and worth as much as anyone. The human race is brilliant. If something bugs or drives us nuts, we can go down the road of judgment. I want to understand the way we work so bad that my patience and tolerance grows and I hope I can become able to talk to anyone and understand there beauty. Lately it’s been about selfish people, and I know it will be something new next week. I love living through my twenties as an artist and understanding the ways in which we do things and learn to balance on the line of vulnerability, heart and positive thinking and understand how stretchy and versatile I am and how we all are.
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