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Jesse Ryder Hughes Blog
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It’s been awhile sine I last wrote. It’s been on my mind, but it took me awhile to say okay let’s write this. I have been having a great time though these last three weeks. I saw the short film festival for Wildsounds this month. I loved it. The films were really, really good. I’m looking forward to going to the next one.
I have also not played video games in over a week. That has been a huge feat for me. I feel so much better. Knowing I was getting sucked into the video game world and not getting anything done was scary. Now I can take a break and when I do go back I can balance it with my life. Which is really exciting.
I got a couple gigs and I will be joining the union today. Now that I have some money I could do some cool things. I want to go to New York by myself. Do something like that where I think and wonder in a different world where I know no one. I feel in those situations I can free my mind. I’m going to see some plays there as well, of course. I’ll have to go in the next month, because I can’t stop thinking about it.
The play I’m working on right now is really exciting. I think it is going to be really good and really special. We have a passionate crew of guys and gals that will bring this alive. I love my part and I am not holding back. If it’s over the top then it’s over the top. If it’s under then it’s under, but I will work all around to find my middle ground. Detailed fun and endearing.
I took the ACTRA intensive course two weekends ago. It wasn’t bad at all. Some people had told me it was a waste of time. I don’t even know why I listened, because the way I do things is always done positively. I went to the class and there were things I was taught in school, but I took it as a kick in the ass to keep moving and understand the world around me and what I need to do to keep surviving in this business. Like the taxes. I thought the class was great. I enjoyed the teachers and I walked away a man who could understand things better. It’s like every new experience and using our cognitive powers in a positive way. The only thing I think, (writing and reading my past blogs and talking to people I respect) that makes me upset and filled with rage, is negative opinions being pushed on me. My good friend who was a really successful musician always gives me advice for the good. He says you’ll never escape it, but if you can sieve out the bad there is always good that comes from every experience. I always felt and knew this, but a man can forget easily.
I was scared to join ACTRA because I didn’t have enough experience. A lot of people I know aren’t happy with ACTRA at all for whatever reasons. I went with it though. I can’t do anything, but let the Gods take me on my path.
I listen my ass off. I find people like to talk to me, because I listen. The more I notice I listen really intently to life. It’s always new and it’s always in the moment. I get affected by everything around me. Sounds, words, music. If only I could do this in my work all the time. I find I am understand acting and am continuing to understand it is nothing without practice. I was really good at practicing for a long time. School, I did nothing but practice, but life gets in the way, and I think that is really important as well. Now I need to practice again. My bones are aching more. Not to say I don’t practice, because I do, but I don’t do it like I use too. I thought maybe it was because my love was dwindling. It’s not that at all. I’ve developed more fears, I feel. I have been aware of them developing, but it is coming from understanding and learning more and understanding that the better you become at things the more you won’t understand. The more you do understand the more it feels like you don’t. This is why I start to feel like a shitty actor even though I’m growing. Ignorance is escaping me when it comes to my chosen life. Trust is now the big man to deal with. With him now I can accomplish everything. Trust will get me out of my head and into my heart.
Who knows what this summer will bring. There’s a lot to look forward too. I guess I’ll see. I’m going to keep writing if I can. I always wanted to write. I love to write and I think I could be good at it. I’ll keep doing it.
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