Jesse Ryder Hughes Blog Entry - February 25th/2007
It has been awhile since my last blog. I was in Ottawa performing Romeo and Juliet. It went really well. I had a lot of challenges with working on it. I lost my voice the night before the show, which made the first show was really rough, but I got through it. It was crazy. I got so worried that I felt it affected my performance. I was raspy and scared at the same time. It wasn’t until the next day I felt comfortable with my voice. It wasn’t 100%, but I was on my intentions a lot more and more clear minded. This isn’t the first time this has happened. This isn’t the first time that I have panicked. Panicking is the worst thing I could of done. I like Kevin Spacey’s quote, “there is no deodorant to cover up the smell of panic.” It is really true. Jesse Ryder Hughes and the world of Acting This makes me start to think about how this is another experience to add to my craft. It is interesting that with acting you have to be confident and professional and smart about what you do, but then you get to play a character that panics and everything you learn not to do changes. That is what is so cool about the art. You get all the tools you need, but when you get a character that contradicts those tools, it is kind of liberating; it feels like you get to break the rules. This leads into my last blog where I was wondering about the separation between the art of acting, and my regular life. It is a really vulnerable, scary and emotional line to live on. I feel emotional a lot. I sometimes feel why that is why I’m so quiet a lot of the time, because I’m controlling my emotions and making them available at all times. It makes me work extra hard, but when I am in a scene it makes me reactionary and willing to listen. This place that I found to live is becoming quite a skill to balance between my life. I am becoming more aware of it and accepting that comfort and trust will start to come. It is exciting. Jesse Ryder Hughes and Discipline There has been a lot on my mind about discipline and laziness. I can’t escape these thoughts. I was extremely disciplined in school. When I left, I started to experience life and all the fun things it had to offer. Now I feel like I should be reading more and not making excuses and being afraid. Even this blog has started to become very important to me. I should have been able to find a computer and did it to get my feelings out. I need good organizational skills. I also have to keep the important things up front at all times, but balance friends and my girlfriend. I think I am doing a good job, but I just wish I had more time to read. There is a lot of time. It just feels like there isn’t. Whenever I get like this the middle of everything seems the best place to be. Experience and happiness. At that I think I am going to go read for the day. I just read that last paragraph. If I keep focused then I know these skills will come. I shouldn’t be fretting over them to the point where I don’t do them. I’ll just let them happen and take there natural journey and course. I took an audition class yester with Steve Adams and Janelle Hutchinson. It was great. They were relaxed and helpful and answered a lot of little questions that I had looming in my mind about auditioning. They shared their experience graciously and positively. It was the first class I took after school and it felt great to be doing it. I felt so good after this class that I had a great moment of happiness and walked down the street, thinking this isn’t bad. There are unique people things to wonder at and think about. Those moments feel like everything makes sense, no matter what happens.
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