Jesse Ryder Hughes' Blog - April 4Jesse Ryder Hughes is Learning Life as a Young Artist
I went to watch a Tom Todoroff workship this weekend. It was really good. It cleared things up tremendously. He said some great things that I needed to hear. He made me realize that I have to work on preparation. That comes with love, which I feel I have lost this year for some reason. It has to do with fear and circumstance, but I realized all the excuses I was making. At the core of it all, it’s a fear of feeling. I was hoping by this age I would have let all my fears go.
I was in rehearsal today and my director pointed out in one scene that I kept shying away from anger. A simple exercise got me angry in a flash. I realize that being an extremely sensitive person, you are use to things affecting you personally more than some other people. It is my own sensitivity that scares me. When someone does something to hurt me, I would hold it in, then be careful around the person who is hurting me, instead of standing up for my rights. This type of living has built hesitancy, which is no good as an actor. No good at all. This hesitancy has shied me away from my work this year. It has been a good year so far, but there will always be problems. I just need to let my emotions go in rehearsal, which I got to do last year. I was flying. Nothing could stop me. It is getting that back.
I know that I am making progress, though it always seems like I am moving backwards. I am waiting for the day where I go, “Crazy,” I get it. I notice with every play I do I am more professional and more fearless than I ever was. But the hard part is bringing that fearlessness and professionalism into the work, where I will never be shy (I have time to be shy in my day to day life, but not in my work).
I want to get prepared to go to Shaw this year. I know I can do it. I need to find some really good monologues that I love and just go! The idea of “getting my break” shouldn’t come to me if I don’t work hard. I am seeing some friends working remarkably hard and getting what they deserve. It may take a little while, but Luck grows with hard work.
I’ve been told so many times that I am a hard worker and lately I don’t feel I am living up to my potential. I know that whatever slumps I have, I will come out of. It is my journey, just like everyone is having theirs. A teacher said to me once, “You are on the track, tread easily and slowly.” This piece of advice has made me do such and in such a way where my patience has grown. I don’t have a huge resume, but if I keep my head on straight fight for my right to do what I want, then that track will always be there under me. Slipping off the track is just a way to shake things up and understand the world. Learning life as a young artist.
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