Jesse Ryder Hughes Weekly BlogIt’s been awhile since my last blog. I know I have a lot to write about, but it took me a lot to even write this time. I don’t really know why. I was promoted at work to be an usher captain. I have to handle all the problems of patrons, and if any emergencies happened. I felt great to be able to do something challenging as that. Everything I do as a young man I always try to relate to becoming a humble wise actor. A big thing for being a captain is I have to make sure everyone is doing their job as well. Already I am seeing how people function and work. I ask myself questions on how can I work on giving people space, and leading a team at the same time. The really intense part of the job is having a slew of problems at the same time. I actually surprised myself with how many problems I solved in an hour and solved them with nobody getting mad or unhappy. It made me realize how much you can get done in a short period of time really fast. It is intense, but it felt good and I could think, because I was breathing. I had no choice. I love that feeling, because it is so in the moment. The more I find that moment the more I can bring it to my acting work more easily. I have been taking more classes and I just took the actors gym with Steve Adams and it was great. It is great for practice and Steve is a really sweet guy and I really like him. I brought a scene and I wasn’t off book. In theatre school I took every challenge and started working the night I was given my challenge. Lately I haven’t been doing that. So being unprepared was a good kick in the ass. I cold read the scene anyway and then I did it again after getting a few pointers from Steve. After I was done the first read I, For the first time, understood my own potential. I noticed myself naturally working and starting to build the world, intentions and relationships within the text easily in my body and thoughts. If I had prepared I would have had a much better time and got things done a lot faster. I have been thinking about why I went in unprepared. I didn’t have a lot of time, but that is no excuse. Sometimes all the advise I get from people seems great, but I tend to do the opposite of what they say and these are pros telling it how it is. I think about why I sabotage. The more I think about it the more I think of having a fear of success. Why would I sabotage the one and only thing that I’ve always wanted to do? I always put people before me. I get affected by what people say easily (sensitivity), so a lot of times I’ve had to tell people to fuck off in my mind before performing and really psych myself up and give myself the confidence to go. Although problems arise I know I will fight them to the end and keep on finding work. When I do get work I do it and I always make sure I do it well. So the more I work the less I’ll think. Thinking is great, but could ruin you at the same time. My next set of goals are going to be fighting to make a stronger will and do the things I want to do even though they seem scary, for some reason. I like me. I don’t want to worry about being egotistical, arrogant, ignorant, because I am all those things to certain extent, but I am also goofy, happy, excitable, deranged. I love facing these human traits “considered” to be bad and good. It makes me feel more free and balanced. I am doing another play come October and it will be a lot of fun. That’s the only acting news coming up, but I’m sure more will pop up in the future.
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