Jesse Ryder Hughes Blog Entry
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This week is the week of Romeo and Juliet, it’s the third time I have played the part of Romeo. I find more every time. The first time I played the part it was a time in my life where I felt I had to stand up for my heart. It was perfect learning curve, because Romeo’s heart is huge. He doesn’t care and when that beautiful, innocent, scared, brave, smart girl Juliet comes into his life nothing can stop his heart. It’s miraculous how hard my heart has grown after that role or has always been there and I didn’t see it. So I am going to go and do this play this week for high school students who have been wonderful audiences, because they don’t hold back. I am going to give them my heart as much as I can through this character and these words. I am at a good place where the words are ingrained and don’t matter. The practice of preparation helps me get to the ease I need to get too.
Throughout the process I felt that I am becoming aware of myself concerned with the role and wanting people to say that I am doing a good job. Even though this year has been successful in many ways I have been feeling inadequate when it comes to my work and dedication as a person to this craft. It’s the Fear creeping in telling me things I shouldn’t be listening to. So every time I imagine myself getting the highest praise from everybody I know, I let myself feel and experience those thoughts knowing they are mine, and they may or may not come true. They are dreams that I can’t achieve without hard work, wisdom, sensibility, respect and most of all teamwork. Teamwork is now the thing that is really sticking out in my mind. Seeing my fellow friends in Romeo and Juliet and understanding that we are a team working with each other creatively and trusting whether we really like each other or not.
I saw a great piece this week and I was in awe. It was called “Two Letters” by Tony Nardi. He was great. I don’t know what to say to a person that has just said everything I have felt and wanted to say. Just sharing his thoughts on frustrations in the
It’s so simple yet confusing to understand that following your heart is okay. Sometimes I feel I beat my own heart in the ground leaving it behind to eat junk food and play video games in the safety and security of my own home. Something always picks me up though. How can I avoid that drive to that target, whatever it is. That unknown dream to get better and to understand adversity in every way so it has no bearing on me. The words I hear every day of the same people fighting the same battles. The positive people excited about what’s going to happen next no matter what it is. People telling you it’s not going to happen out of jealousy, who are also trying to find the right way or feel they have the right way. There is no right way, but journeys I respect journey’s. Sometimes it’s hard to hear someone say “I already knew that,” making me feel that my discoveries are nothing. I look at those people and hope they understand that it is a part of growing. Some may take more time than others, but were all growing together as a world. Sure there is a lot of shit, but a lot of beauty and wonder. There’s still so much and more and more to come after we are dead. It’s so great how never ending time is. We are just a moment. A present moment, right now. I wish we could all be gentle with each other, but it’s impossible now. Too many close minded beliefs. That’s part of the journey I want to take, because it’s the only one I’m given. I like it even though it’s a bit crazy, there’s death, love, glory to name a few. The only way I know how to share my journey with others is to act and write. It’s weird. If I tried to talk about this face to face with someone I would usually panic and feel like I don’t know what I’m saying. Maybe I don’t, but Oh well!!!
This week I will look Juliet in the face and love the shit out of her, because to me she is a perfect human. She is what the play is about for me. Not Romeo.
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