Jammy Yoon's Blog February 9th 2007
I don't really know what to say in order to sound like a 'true filmmaker.' I looked at the other blogs on this site and I don't see myself as very similar with the people who already wrote. I find myself always dealing with personal issues in my life that are more important that 'being a filmmaker' so that becomes the topic of what I write about and will hopefully film. Of course, I tend to speak in the moment most of the time, so I don't know what I'm going to say next week. But to set everything up, this blog will be about the uphill battle of just being a filmmaker. Sometimes the title is pressure enough to drop on my knees and ball my eyes out. I wrote stories ever since the fourth grade, and have written screenplays ever since I was fourteen. I was always a shy and introverted kid, and growing up, I wasn't at all a popular boy. I had an obsession with being in the crowd, just to be recognized and noticed. Alas, my brother got most of the attention (he was a jock). So film became this animal that was supposed to prove my worth to everyone, it was supposed to be my form of expression to a world that I saw as cruel. Hollywood in fact was to become my new high school. Jammy Yoon talks about his experiences with classmates But I grew up, and my maturity in film also grew. I went to college to study film, so now it wasn't like I felt alone. Filmmakers were now all around me, every day. But if I remember correctly, the first day I arrived on campus, my initial feeling was hatred towards these young up and comers. I saw them not as a family of artists, but as competition to destroy. Not once did I recognize the collaborative aspect of film, but I saw it as a self glorifying enterprise to conquer and claim. I wanted to show 'someone' my worth. There was no time to make friends. Jammy Yoon talks about Faith
But then I met a few guys who weren't filmmakers. I became their friends, and for the first time didn't feel alone. They were Christian, and the next I know, i became a Christian. The rest is really history, as I no longer felt burdened to make film my identity. My life changed from that moment on. Film was now a fun hobby, and an exciting medium for expression in other senses. Jammy Yoon talks about Tribulation Fast forward four years through college. I'm still obsessed with film. I've learned a lot through college, and in making my thesis I learned so much of what responsibility the director has in the process. Every frame being made possible by DP's and PD's, the director is responsible for everything on screen. Through the editing process, I learned much as a writer, because the two are so interconnected in nature. And then I graduated. I learned a lot about filmmaking, and I was fairly proud of the short feature that I made in my senior year. I considered it my first film because that's what it was. Every piece of crap before that were just stepping stones. Jammy Yoon talks about dealing with indentity But then similar problems arose after graduation. I had to deal with identity once more in my life. I was and still am an introverted dreamer. It doesn't take a genius to understand that film already is not a practical profession. But what's harder to realize, especially after college, is the understanding that connections and networking (and money) is crucial for the art. Of course this is where commerce and art in the filmmaking arena collide and kill people. There has to be such juggling between thinking ahead, and thinking in the present. I learned a lot about writing as I still am, almost a half year after getting my BFA in directing. I haven't completed a draft of a script that I have now been working on for over eight months. Being self analytical while being practical and creative has been the biggest conflict for me over the months. I've started and stopped many writing projects along the way, and continually think of abandoning the original idea of the script that has yet to be completed.
So I continue to write, and I try to keep the hope alive. My girlfriend has been a huge support. I can only hope that God sees me through this familiar bout of identity crisis. I know there's more to life than 24 frames per second. Jammy Yoon talks about Festivals/Agents/Endurance I submitted my thesis film to many festivals after graduation, and was rejected by all of them. Silly me, I should know that a student production will not get attention at a industry soaked Sundance. I guess in that sense, I'm trying to understand what is good cinema, and what people want to see. In the midst of mediocrity this is a tough balance to maintain. As my friend Dan would say, 'it's all a contest.' (referring to the world of art) I'm trying to get a script done and in the can, but knowing that that will take a while, (it has to be perfect) I get into states of laziness with working on daily page counts. I used to knock 6 pages every day, but I'm lucky if I get there now. Usually it's just three, or one scene. There's just so much to think about. At least I think there is. So I'm thinking about what to do with my life these days. Film will always be a part of me, and it is a part of me. It's more than a hobby, let's face it. You kind of have to eat it for lunch and dinner. I hope that this blog will help me to see things that I'm going through and help me to proceed on this long and difficult path. Of course, talking to film people would help. Stupid introversion.
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