FIRST TIME STANDUP
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I did something I’ve never done before this past Saturday. I performed stand up comedy at my friend’s underground theatre. ( Unit 102 Theatre) I had performed before, but only in front of audiences I knew and understood my sense of humor. I was the first one to perform, so I had to warm up the crowd and I didn’t even think of that. So I got up and I started performing and I worked on a character driven set that would make them think and laugh at the same time. I went in expecting them not to laugh, because I knew that my jokes are not the usual so I told myself right before that I would be brave, not second guess myself and take control of my talent. I digressed a bit, but I went up and already I felt the skepticism in the crowds as they were looking at me pulling out a tiny chair and sitting on it. I started and right away nobody was really getting it and looks of uncertainty were in a lot of eyes. I could feel this and it made me nervous and freak out a little bit, but the in that instant I knew what to do and I took that energy and I fed off of it and it felt so liberating. I didn’t push I just took my time and waited for the perfect moments and improvised some jokes I knew they wanted to hear. I don’t like instant results when it comes to this kind of stuff, so I made my jokes really subtle and hoped that most of them were able to understand the scale and background I molded around the jokes and how truthful they actually were and the others I made work for it.
I could see it too that they were interested even though they weren’t laughing. I knew they wanted in on the joke, so I kept pushing in that direction for them to get it. It’s actually quite challenging for me to explain. I was happy about half the crowd was laughing though. I was just so happy that I hit that spot in the beginning where I had to choose to be brave or just safe and I was confident in what I had to choose. I felt that night defined for me what it really is to be an artist more than just an actor, because even though I was acting I threw myself a platter and served it to them with all my wisdom. I was giving them a gift from me. That’s exactly what I want to do with my work. If I wanted to give them what they wanted I would be confused, because I don’t know what everyone wants except love and belonging. So all I can do is give them love and throw myself down for them and challenge them to take a chance against mainstream Hollywood films and the usual standup comedy that they are use too.
I feel like I did something so risky that night to the point where everything is possible. I understand now how fearlessness brings you to a place where you can achieve a huge amount. My whole message for them is how easy you can manipulate anything to your power and it could be used with negative and positive effects and by the end of my piece I rounded it out with becoming a man and the things you have to let go in the process, but will always be there and you don’t have to hold on to them literally. My example was my small chair that possessed all of my love for childhood that made me a man, but it also symbolized myself not letting go of it and the fear of being an adult. What would happen if I step out of this comfort zone. Everything was turned into humor though and I forced the audience to see the humor and seriousness of it all. I balanced it and that’s what I think confused most of the audience. The fact that they didn’t know where to swing. I treaded that line. Most of them came to see me be just funny, but I don’t believe in just that.
My shows are going to make you go home and think about how for example you have all the power in your own home. They are going to push you to understand the side of good and evil and let you pick a side for yourself. I want to help people find the answers in their own lives so that they understand everything around them better within themselves. So when I seem that I’m doing a character and people find it false I am actually in fact pushing them to some sort of truth while being entertained.
Staying away from desperate actors has helped clear my thought and now I feel I can really think these days now that I have made that choice.
After the comedy show I got a lot of comments. They were really interesting across the board I had a friend that was impressed with my writing and that made me feel good and I had a guy come up to me that were really unsure and commented on how engaging I was up on stage, but he gave me this compliment with a degree of uncertainty, so I knew he was interested. I had a few guys come up and say we need more of that kind of comedy and that made me feel good. Now only a few people came up to me. I think a lot of people didn’t like what I was doing and I’m (for the first time in my life) okay with being hated. I don’t care if casting directors hate me, directors, producers anyone can not like me for whatever reason and that is cool, because like them I am not stopping what I love and want to do. This performance made me face that demon in me of constantly being worried of what people have to say.
With all that being said, I have a Stratford audition and I am going to focus all of my time in all that right now. I have my first improve performance at Bad Dog Theatre on the 15th, and I’m working on two plays right now. So far this year has been risky. Now is time to be fearless when it comes to business. I have to try to convince the community that I am versatile and not afraid of any role. I have a lot of work to do.
