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DIFFICULT TIMEDIFFICULT TIME Where to start? January was difficult. Money was tight. My joe job was scarce and another painful wave of the separation occurred. Ouch. I’m finally being forced to grow up. Ow. It hurts. It was scary. I tried distraction. No first I tried obsessive thinking. Then I tried distraction. And then I had to just be alone. In the world. And I cried. And I sobbed. And I cried. And then I whimpered. Jack was at his dad’s. I cried some more. Then I thought black dark thoughts. Then I was totally spent. And then in between crying I sent out emails to my sister and my friend Josh and whomever I could think of to try and get a job. And that made me cry some more. And then I was tired from all the crying. January was my month of CRYING. In that book, Eat Pray Love, which I read in a quick burst one weekend (I can’t say I liked it though I related), this teacher tells her that she can’t let herself fall apart all the time. I related to that. I can fall apart easily. I’m actually quite good at it. I think a part of me even enjoys it. You know, you fall apart, you somehow are off the hook. I’ve been thinking about that now. I’m not falling apart as much lately. Well at least for the past 3 weeks. Because February is my month of ACTION. I’m working for GAT public relations. It’s this woman Ingrid Hamilton whom my friend Josh hooked me up with. Josh happens to be someone I’ve known since I was 21 and who made a documentary about my dad going to prison, “AKA Tommy Chong”. Josh is brilliant and crazy and funny and he got me my first job with Oliver Stone. Really. He knew Oliver’s assistant who needed another assistant so he told her about me. I was interning with his boss at the time, this woman who was head of development at Cinetel Films. She had tattoos and some weird limp and was a dragon lady with Josh. Anyways, I had just graduated from University in England and was figuring out what I should do with my life. I knew who Oliver Stone was but I wasn’t a huge fan. I was more into artsy female directors. But I go to the interview and I get the job. I had the arrogance of really knowing nothing. The offices were in Venice and Oliver had just finished Born on the Fourth of July and was casting the Doors movie and was in pre-production for Evita and was researching JFK. He was a creative animal. He called me pernicious and I was really very scared of him. He yelled. But he was actually pretty nice and I was admittedly terrible at my job. I didn’t know who anyone was and hung up on Andrew Lloyd Weber once trying to transfer his long distance call to Oliver’s home phone from the office. Val Kilmer was by then in complete character as Jim and would call me from his car phone. “Hey I’m lost man, I can’t remember where the office is”…”Uhm Val, where are you” “I don’t know, man, but there are a lot of streets here…” “uhm Val don’t hang up okay because I think Oliver really wants to see you”..click… I worked there 3 months and then they tried to fire me. I started crying. Then they hired me for 3 days a week. Janet Yang was Oliver’s partner. “Precious, do you really want to do this? Don’t you want to travel?”. I quit when I forgot to register Oliver’s script with the WGA. Oops. I wanted to dance full time. That’s where the big money was anyway. Jazz dancing. But I learned a lot doing that job. Once I had to drop a script by his house. I went by there and it was dark and his dog. He had this huge dog, I think it was a german shepherd, and for some reason it was in the yard. He growled when I tried to open the gate. I was scared. I had to leave the script on the doorstep. The dog was growling. I thought about just leaving it at the gate. But then anyone could just walk by and take it. Then I would really be screwed. So I made a mad dash. Ran to the door and ran back and the dog didn’t eat me. The casting sessions for Patti, Jim’s girlfriend were quite dramatic. Lots of yelling and screaming. I think Chynna Phillips was pretty close to getting that part. They kept bringing her back in over and over. But then Meg Ryan came in. I don’t think she auditioned she just met with him. And she had this magic glow around her. Literally. She was really a star. It’s hard to explain. But some people have it. This thing. And she did. I think the seed for acting was planted there. It seemed like fun, more fun than what I was doing. Answering phones, accidentally stapleing my finger, getting yelled at. Little did I know. I’m also working on a new show. My goal is to perform something for my birthday at the end of this month. I’ll let you know how it goes. So life goes on. Jack is growing up, changing daily. It’s exciting and also frightening. I love him so much it’s crazy. My life is not what I had anticipated, but that’s okay. It never is. “I don’t mind what happens”. That’s my new motto. “I don’t mind what happens”.
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