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DEATH IN FAMILY

DEATH IN FAMILY
New Column by Jesse Ryder Hughes

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It has been an extremely exciting last couple of weeks. Since my comedy show I have been trying to step up to the business side of things. Reading and understanding ACTRA, and putting myself out there more for things on Casting Workbook. My grandfather past away, so I went to the town where I was born for about five days to celebrate his life. My Grandfather was an extremely smart content man and I feel I didn’t learn this until after he died. I started to realize a lot of the gifts he had I have. He came from poverty with a dream and he attained it. I always knew that, because whenever I talked about my dream with my mother she would always mention him and his simple truthful philosophy of “if you want something and you love it and work hard for it, it will come to you.” I took that philosophy on as a young kid. It didn’t seem complicated and it was beautiful to me. It makes the journey of going for and struggling to obtain your dream that much more rewarding. One of my favorite quotes that my drama teachers in Niagara Falls gave me as a teen was from Henry David Thoreau and it goes ‘I have learned this at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.’ My grandfather was the living proof of that quote. He dreamed of owning a hardware store. A simple dream for a hardworking carpenter. He did it and he got it. I’ve been thinking about him a lot lately and connecting the dots of what he meant to me. I was quiet at the funeral. I didn’t get to talk to my parents, because they were busy. I was surrounded by my cousins brother and sister and all there significant others. I went through a process at my grandfather’s funeral of dealing with people curious with my life. I haven’t seen my family lately and only my dad reads my blog, so I think I’m safe to talk about it. It is

wired what the media has done to people that don’t know anything about the art of acting. I don’t like seeing some people in my family a lot, because they seem to think that they know more about my life than I do. They don’t view me as successful and they don’t see the relevance in me doing indie theatre. I remember in theatre school our class talking about it. When we go home and explain what we are doing a lot of people will not understand. I sat there listening and to this person going on and on about movie stars. I didn’t want to pass it up and get too annoyed this time around. I did what I want to do with life and experience my feelings, but also understand where he is coming from. I was annoyed , pissed off and I wanted to punch something, because it really is horrible having someone around you that makes you feel like a failure. On the other end of the spectrum I saw his side and what he watches and gets a perspective on and I talked to my brother about it. We talked about it for awhile. My younger brother and I love to talk about humanity and understanding people and how they work and we had a huge discussion about this person. It became quite complex. It made me feel that I knew what I was doing even more now and how right I was in my way. I even knew what to say if he bugged me about becoming rich, I would say I would probably give all my money away and keep living in my apartment, because I know how he would want me to fly him down to my mansion so he could get special treatment. Now I may be being a little immature, but as an artist there really is nothing worse than someone hounding you for years about not being successful. I am glad though that I have taken some time to really analyze the situation, because he is in my family and I can’t get rid of him.

I needed a breather after that rant, but I’m back and I got great news. I got an audition for the Stratford conservatory. When I heard this I put my comedy writing aside and started focusing on my Shakespeare. I love Shakespeare. I constantly rediscover him too. I’ll go on and on reading and working on his text and then I’ll put him down only to become awestruck again with a quote or soliloquy. I worked incredibly hard on my pieces. I had been working on numerous pieces over the years, but the pieces I chose were perfect for me right now. The day came last Friday, where I walked down the street continuing to tell myself to believe and it is weird, because believing seemed to be a clearer word and thought that day than ever before. I felt more confident than I ever have felt before. I felt completely honest in what I was doing. After the audition I didn’t analyze or get in my head I actually just started to become extremely emotional and proud. It was the first audition where I actually felt like I was doing work for the work. Not to impress, but because I thought it was important. I have to say I

did start analyze a little a couple days after, but it was just over little things. I am more concerned right now about having fun than analyzing. I want to have fun now and grow in that realm. I think my schooling is coming together more and more and about ready to let it go. I just need a break to work with really good actors on a regular basis that I can watch and grow from, but until then I have to keep practicing with what I have.

In a way and I don’t know any other way, because this is where my life has gone. I am glad I’ve had to struggle big time. It has made me understand a lot of things. A lot of great actors get their break later in their careers for a reason. I’m going remain feeling proud in an honest way and remember my grandfather and the great Henry David Thoreau and their belief in dreams.

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