So I just got back from Mexico and I feel amazing. I saw so many great things. My favorite was the Mayan ruins. I couldn’t escape my mind though and learning about life. I met a Mayan man. He was very poor and full of life. He was teaching a group of us the Mayan language. He was passing the language down to his son. This language is rare and almost non-existent.
I couldn’t believe the culture and how grateful that we were there to share in who they were and where they came from. This man had a very high awareness of his past, present and future. I hate it, but it took me back to directing “Waiting for Lefty” and all the problems I dealt with and how I had talked about respecting the era the play came from and that we are taking it into the future and there are no F-words in the play and of course a couple of my actors didn’t care and blatantly yelled Fuck. It made me contemplate how spoiled we are here. I loved this man. He made me feel that I was on the right path. I saw some of the shanty towns and it was valuable to see, because I had never been to a developing country. I have come back even more humbled and aware.
The rest of the run of the show was very successful. We pretty much had sold out audiences. I think the most people came to my little show the company had ever seen. I was so happy. People were saying good things and it was amazing how much the show grew as a whole despite the oddities that I tried to fix. I went to the bar and I was feeling good and one of the actors was talking to me about how much fun he was having and I was so glad. The guys were having such a good time and Despite all the problems my father said it best 20% of people create 80% of the problems. The 80% of the cast was amazing and they made this play grow until the closing night. The actor gave me feedback that the way I trusted and stayed true to my positive process is why the play was so successful. It made everyone respect me and feel loyal and even though I felt disrespected I continued to stay true in a very heartfelt and honest way. I felt like I was going to cry. Another actor I had loved during the process gave me a similar kind of critique. Even though I haven’t found my confident voice as director I know what I’m doing and we got to the same end result positively than we had done in the past with the other plays the company did with everyone hating each other. I was very thankful. It feels good that the right people want to work with me again.
When I came back from Mexico I went to a meeting at the company to say a goodbye and go my separate way for awhile and do my own thing. They got in a moment where they were praising my work, which made me uncomfortable, because I had made my decision to leave especially after Mexico. I was very grateful and I will work with a lot of them in the future, but the ones that helped me and did their jobs. I left with my friend that was feeling the same as I. We started planning a lot. He has a space with a stage that I put a small share into. Another friend and I already started rehearsing “The Dumb Waiter” by Pinter. We’re going to perform it in the space in early February. So I am back on track and rehearsals are going amazing. We are hitting walls and quickly realizing how to solve problems. It is a lot easier with 2 people working together than having 14 people in my head. I can’t imagine how film directors feel. Anyway, I have never had this fast and thorough and intellectual a process since school. It has been great. I can put on plays all year and keep practicing. It feels good, because people are getting interested, which is flattering yet scary. I will take it easy. We have a few people that are amazing, so we will see how things turn out.
Through all this self and world exploration I didn’t realize I hadn’t had an audition since October. I don’t think a lot of people have had auditions. It donned on me and I hope the New Year holds a lot for all of us.
The New Year looks scary, but exciting. I have a lot of improve to be had and I am thinking of exploring second city as well as staying true to Bad Dog Theatre. We will see what happens, my money supply is starting to dwindle and I feel I should be safe in an economic crisis.
I went and saw a great movie. It through me for a loop and it is JCVD about Jean Claude Van Damme. He gives the best delivered monologue on film this year. It was so accurate and heartbreaking that I don’t think I could watch a Van Damme movie the same again. I’m gonna go enjoy Christmas and try not to think about the play for awhile, but I am ready for the next challenging step.
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